wha happened, yeah i know what you mean.
mind blown and fernando you both said some good points i defiantly love! thank you
Butterflyleia85
JoinedPosts by Butterflyleia85
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11
How was your fall or rise spiritually? Are you in a place you are proud of now?
by Butterflyleia85 ini went to the movies a lot and hung out with my old friends, ll.
last day of school!.
) looks like i did another wedding photography then went to a 1 day convention the next day.
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11
How was your fall or rise spiritually? Are you in a place you are proud of now?
by Butterflyleia85 ini went to the movies a lot and hung out with my old friends, ll.
last day of school!.
) looks like i did another wedding photography then went to a 1 day convention the next day.
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Butterflyleia85
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRC8ExrIDHE&feature=relmfu
We are all brain washed! ha
I work on my inter beauty daily... I am working on my authentic me!
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How was your fall or rise spiritually? Are you in a place you are proud of now?
by Butterflyleia85 ini went to the movies a lot and hung out with my old friends, ll.
last day of school!.
) looks like i did another wedding photography then went to a 1 day convention the next day.
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Butterflyleia85
I would like to take a look among you friends and relate or maybe learn something.
We were told as Jehovah's Witnesses to be strong stand firm in faith. I must be crazily organized with records because I recorded how I was and have calendar with dates to keep me focused. My idea's I noticed were very sheltered, kinda wrapped up in my own world... yes I allowed myself freedom to expand educationally, work related (financially), wholesome entertainment, but of course not morally, nor opened mindedly to other's religion, morals, beliefs, goals unless it was spiritually JW way.
I didn't understand what spiritually was, except on what the Jehovah's Witness taught me. And I allowed them to guide that for me because I had so much else I felt I needed to worry about at the time. What I didn't realize it was turning me into a close minded judgmental person... I had a kind heart yes, tried so hard to be humble, meek, and hard working... but the harm was I didn't let people in totally, I was afraid, and I had a hard time communicating myself freely.
I pulled out one of my records of my happiest times as a JW… because I was so spiritual and then and the end why it didn’t work with me.
CALENDER of 2004
January - February
Went out in service twice that month; went to high school half day then to work for co-op, made all my Honor class meetings, did my bible reading because it was a new start in Genesis, made all the meetings, studied good for school (my senior year) and for meetings ('church' or 'JW gatherings'). Socially, I was clicking with my new JW friends (a group half an hour away), we went on a couple ski trips those months and I was becoming best friends with a friend from the hall (I moved to the West Hall from the South Hall, I will call my friend ‘V’, ‘V’ was originally from the hall that was half an hour away so she introduced me to the group) who studied with me ( had two friends with me that already moved to this hall before I did, we hang out a bet too, they just weren't into skiing, etc. just good to go out to movies with, I will call them ‘LL’). I wasn't a good study student cause I never was prepared to well for her. lol But she was very encouraging, sweet, and outgoing, I needed that. (That is when I started becoming "spiritually strong" again (last time I was spiritually strong was when my grandpa was alive 1999, went through kinda through a depression and keep to myself).
Scriptures and notes I had marked in the corner: 1 Tim 6:9 - "Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation which plunge into destruction and ruin", "How are we different from Christendom? We worship the only true God.", Jer 10:23 - "It does not belong to man to direct his step." "We need to take advantage to teach others.
March
School was getting intense but I still managed to get 7 hours of field service in! I had goals set for myself on making return visits, starting studies, and finish my Baptism book for the summer baptism. I also had a few projects it looks like for school and I had to finish my scholarship application! I was also working on a project at work and trying to keep all their names strait! (lol I have names of people in here with arrows pointing to the color of their hair! lol to funny!)
Apirl
Had the overseer visit this month! Ooow and awesome looks like I was working out too! I have dates of when I went to Excel (a fitness gym). I went to the movies a lot and hung out with my old friends, LL. Same thing though school & work daily, study with V once a week, workout three times a week, Field Service twice a month, and homework & study lesson all the other time!
May 27th
Last Day of School!
Notes I had marked in the corner: “I believe no one should have a best friend it’s much too clingy and selfish but everybody should have close friends.” (Wow why did I write this??? Hmmm well my opinion changed completely on that one... Cause I have to admit my best friend is my hubby! J)
June
Graduation Day was the 1 st . I had a week of Senior Vacation and brought my friend LL (she has a sister and but she’s my sister’s age, I didn’t bring her. Lol) Had Graduation Party and worked about 74 hours at work that month, and went three times out in field service!
July
Big Convention!! Wahoo! I got Baptized! Work, worked out, Out in service (six times this month), and started my first study with my nonJW cousin. I had an apt. for tech school (college). I still lived at home and it looks like I did the cleaning and the cooking. I know I mowed too. (man no wonder I went crazy… my sister and mom are kinda well to put it kindly they don’t care about picking up after themselves)
Notes I had marked in the corner: Acts 20:26-27 “I would feel blood guilty if I did not tell you the things of God”, Isa. 48:17 “God is Teaching you… In the way you should walk.”
August
Oh man… I had a crush on this guy I will call him M in our hall, he got married that month August 7 th to a girl I became good friends with for a while. (They are divorced now)
I never understood how people meet other people. Well for one I was shy so I guess that explains it. Oh and that explains my thinking then too!! I remember repeating in my head when I worked out, some day a guy will talk to me!! And no not like at school when a goofy guy in my art class asked if I was gay because he never seen me with a boyfriend before! Lol This time a Jehovah’s Witness guy at the convention will see how spiritual I am and either ask about me or approach me! Well I hope he will be taller than me and I hope that I am skinnier then him. (Yeah I had problems with image at the time… I blame my grandma… I got out of that thinking before I met my husband after realizing how image doesn’t matter (I went through a lot of handsome jerks and jw ones too), we all get old and gray anyways and man I wanted to live with someone I can be happy with for the rest of my life!)
I start College, work a new job (they transferred me to City building), and looks like I went out in service 9 times! I also preached and left literature with all my “worldly work and old school friends” it looks like! Ha Poor friends.
Scripture I had marked in the corner: Prov. 3:5, 7 “trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding” “do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.”
September - October
I gave my first Talk! Yay! I got to work out in service with my crush’s wife. Lol Looks like I’m still studying with V, going college, exercising, hanging out with JW friends, and making it to meetings & field service (4 times both months). I had a side job to with photograph it looks like cause I did my first wedding photography, while working for city, and school and who can forget meetings, field service, etc. Busy Busy…
Notes I had marked in the corner: Plan something November 25-28 no work or school.
November
OMG and guess what I did on my time off… Out in service. Haha I gave another talk that month and went out in service 10 times! Wow what a waste. Anyways looks like I started to get close to my father’s side of the family!! Man after all the years of not hearing from them (I was 5 years old to 19 years old no word of that side) or visiting with them I reached out and put an effort! And with my high stand as a Jehovah’s Witness… they of coarse loved that, one of my Uncles is an elder all his kids are really spiritual and well they started to except or involve my father in their lives too. My father kinda just made is own life and had a new family of his own (half sister and brother), they all didn’t go to meetings etc. but if he wanted me in his life I think he was putting more of an effort, for both my sister and I and his family. (He had a lot of secrets that came out later)
I have more friends!! I never had before… people from the other hall came for a party I throw! Of course it was a wholesome party duh music, food, socializing, jokes, and dancing that was kinda like line dancing. Lol
December
I decided I want to Al. Pioneer. Haha man I should have done that a long time ago and had the title with all that dedication of field service it looks like. (but that wasn’t my thinking then… along with why I waited to become baptized, I didn’t want to commit to something unless I was sure I could up hold the standard!) Looks like I did another Wedding Photography then went to a 1 day convention the next day. Hmmm and it looks like my sister starts her worldly fun… haha See she is in show choir at this time and I see where I went to one of her concerts. She had a lot of friends in school and had boyfriend etc. (haha still me never dated a boy in my life!!) She went out with her “worldly friends” house and hung out, went to movies, etc, (mom is very liberal about stuff like this) she even got nominated prom queen!! But that’s not til later.
To conclude with this year, if you asked me if I was happy I would say yes my happiest I ever been but I still feel like something was missing. I want to have a relationship, a boyfriend for one… I will become hopefully successful in my career and not poor like I been all my life but really I wish I could be a stay at home mom like LL’s parents life, but that never happens so I just hope in the future I can find a good paying and enjoyable career. Watching my friends, us ladies, pathetic life made me realize I wanted out (that opportunity was soon in the future and I knew it too, I’m a big dreamer you should see my journals).
(P.S. - my reasoning of reaching back in the past is making sure my decisions in my life are logical and not influenced by others. I have to have sound reasoning for the reasons I choose the path I choose... kinda like a checkup date… making sure my records are straight in my head and I haven’t gone crazy... lol)
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My son was murdered today
by truman ini have been on this site daily, almost from its beginning, since i left the jws in 2001, but i have been more of a reader than a poster, as you can see from my post count.
i know few here know me, although i know many of you through reading your posts.
maybe it is not right to ask for support, when i generally stay quietly in the background of this forum, but i want only to speak a human misery of the deepest kind.
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Butterflyleia85
truman... peace and love to your son... more prayers, love and comfort to you today when facing the challenge of such great lose. a flower ... with greatest sympathy, butterfly
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So, did the Memorial answer the question posed in their invitation?
by poppers injust wondering if they addressed and answered the question - something about "how do you view jesus?
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Butterflyleia85
Lie2NoMore hahahah love your comment! I didn't see the invitation but was curious what this topic was going to lay out! love it!
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My son was murdered today
by truman ini have been on this site daily, almost from its beginning, since i left the jws in 2001, but i have been more of a reader than a poster, as you can see from my post count.
i know few here know me, although i know many of you through reading your posts.
maybe it is not right to ask for support, when i generally stay quietly in the background of this forum, but i want only to speak a human misery of the deepest kind.
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Butterflyleia85
Agree with MTM... I keep checking in to see if you wrote... it's worries me so much!
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A JWN Member just lost her Husband and She could use some encouragement.
by ohiocowboy inon 4/6, the poster orphan annie posted about her experiences with jw's and her ill husband.
unfortunately, her husband died monday, and she is feeling very sad.
i just wanted to make others aware of it, so that we can encourage her and give her some much needed support during this rough time.. her original thread is here.
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Butterflyleia85
Awww I'm glad to see someone able to check on her! I still want to say again how sad and hard that much be for her!!! I couldn't imagine or picture it... no one can picture losing a loved one. Once lost it's amazing the power one has and in that power it makes us all incouraged... Keep holding on to the good memories and good time!... XOXO Hugs and prayers your way sweet Orphan Annie... (which if you seen that movie or play... it's sooo good!! I love happy endings... it has it's sad parts but the love and strenght of dear Annie... :) you have that too!)
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Help! Torn Mother (my mom) between to daughters (me nonJW and pioneer all faithful JW)
by Butterflyleia85 inmy mother's text: "she tried to love u and be ur sis and leave jw out but when she invited u to memorial like last year she was thinking all religions believe in dead of christ so she wanted u to know when it was and have an invite but u had to send her scriptures back and stuff instead of saying i dont feel comfortable goin... and u dont see it that way u blame it all on jw instead of taking some responsibility for trying or not trying but just hurting her with bring up stuff.
that hurts her.
she tried last summer remember she even went swimming with u and did things with u. it wasnt until she saw u post things and blame jw that she had to cut ties.".
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Butterflyleia85
all very wonderful advice! it's a releif to have such wise and understanding people to help! thank goodness it wasn't brought up. but i know it's not the end and will be at a later time. thanks again for everyones help... it's very kind of you all to take time and thought i will refer back to this often. :)
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My son was murdered today
by truman ini have been on this site daily, almost from its beginning, since i left the jws in 2001, but i have been more of a reader than a poster, as you can see from my post count.
i know few here know me, although i know many of you through reading your posts.
maybe it is not right to ask for support, when i generally stay quietly in the background of this forum, but i want only to speak a human misery of the deepest kind.
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Butterflyleia85
my chest got tight and it was hard for me to read this. i'm a bet emotional at times. i don't know really what to say... but i know how much it helps to have support in a time of loss. i'm so so deeply sorry! i have a son his a lil over a year old i felt like going in and waking him from his nap to give him a hug! charish each memory and appreashate the times you had together. i know my great grandma must have some understanding as you her son whichis my grandpa died before her then a few years later her husband died. i been trying to stay close to her.. she had a stroke and now doesn't make much sense but i still try and visit her... the desease my grandpa had i felt was like murder :( when death comes unprepare which in most cases no is prepare for such tragic even we still have life and can see how presious life really is! ((hugs))
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Memorial is more important than dying relative!
by Orphan Annie inmy husband is gravely ill sedated and on a ventilator.
he most likely isn't going to survive.
we are not disfellowshipped.
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Butterflyleia85
oh my that's so aweful! i would be devistated!!! but yes sadly that's the truth in most cases... they they think putting god first actually will make god happy and bless them for their sacrifes.. your the sacrifies. they well see your husband in new system and that to them is more important.