Indeed you are not alone, I am in a somewhat similar situation, except I don't go through the motions any more, but I feel your loneliness. I like EmptyInside's advice, probably my biggest help was this board, to know that I'm not alone at all, even though hundreds of miles might separate us, but there's a big group of people who know that the JW's are plain wrong. It gives a comfort of mind that it's not you who's lost your mind, it's them.
The best were if you find a friend outside, even better if it's also a still JW doubting one. Keep your eyes open, you can never know if that 'brother/sister' you're on field service with has also serious doubts.