I've been there too. I wish I had better advice than this: don't do what I did, which was basically nothing (except arguing about it) and waiting for our "bad luck" to turn around. It never did, of course--there's always another car problem, plumbing back-up, or medical bill on the way. Plan and agree on a realistic budget, including rainy day savings for the inevitable surprises. If you can't find common ground, suggest a joint meeting with a legitimate credit counselor (check them out with the BBB etc. before making an appointment, to weed out the charlatans).
we just paid off a credit card debt of $17,000 last year. I had to take out $4,000 of my 401k to do it. Not even a year later she is running it up again.
She actually carries on like she is wholly entitled to all of these things.
Adding to diamonddiz's suggestion about a line of credit to pay off the debt: if you do that, GET RID OF THE CREDIT CARDS! Otherwise you will soon find you're paying on the credit line and a new batch of credit card debt. You've already been down that path once, using retirement savings to pay off consumer debt. There needs to be a day of reckoning, an intervention, so the same thing doesn't happen again.
Good luck, Gary. I hope you can work this out as partners.