I can't tell you how this whole 'tattling' mindset forced me to hold onto guilt of the largest kind!!!! Growing up, like many here have said, I was CONVINCED that if someone was doing wrong and I knew about it - but didn't say anything - I was 'guilty' of bloodguilt! That used to EAT away at me for years because if one of my friends was up to no good, I assumed I was responsible for them...
babygirl30
JoinedPosts by babygirl30
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38
"It is our Personal Responsibility to Turn In People who are Sinning"
by WalkTall inat the last two meetings i have been to, two brothers mentioned in their parts that we have a personal responsibility to turn in someone we know who is involved in wrongdoing.
they both said we need to do this out of love and because we could also lose our own relationship with jehovah if we fail to do so.
it struck how odd this all is.
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24
leaving the wt - why?
by rockmehardplace inso for some people, there is the one breaking point that makes people leave.
for me, not so much about doctrine, but about how people treated one another.
i always heard that we show we are the true religion because we have love among ourselves.
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babygirl30
I left because I was DF'd...but decided not to go BACK for 2 reasons:
1. Personal - the way I was treated in my JC mtg by supposed 'loving' elders was repulsive...the punishment in no WAY fit my accused 'crime'...and too many people damn near drop their drawrs for a C.O. that is soooo arrogant that he would make Satan weep!
2. Doctrinal - the whole DFing policy is beyond ridiculous and unChristian...the 'change' in many JW policies over the years...and the constant CONTROl - all of which I didn't think was bad until I was out of the fold and able to reason things on my own.
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A term that put me in my cult mind set...but only for a second
by doublelife ini was just hanging up my husband's shirts and started on the section where he had his dress shirts.
but what i thought in my head was "meeting shirts.
" and i quickly realized that i have to start saying "dress shirts" instead.
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babygirl30
In all honesty, I have a hard time even THINKING about buying 'dresses' because in my head I still have that mentality that dresses = Kingdom Hall!! It's weird too...but that's how it goes in my mind. If i do buy a dress, I will purposely buy one without measuring how 'short' it is, or how high the slit is (within respectable levels at least), and then of course no worry about how 'fitted' it may be!!!!! hhahahahahaha
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Missing meetings due to the weather, and then attending meetings is making me Bipolar I think.
by miseryloveselders inwithout divulging too much information about myself, i'm on the east coast, up north.
we've been hammered by snow storms, and from what i hear we've got another one on the way tommorrow night.
this month, i've missed 4 meetings total.
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babygirl30
Thank you white manna from the sky! Thank you arctic cocaine from the heavenly Bolivia
Oh.....my...GOD - THAT was hilarious!!!! LOL. But I feel ya on that whole 'cancellation' issue. I live in the Northeast myself (near Philly) and we have been hit HARD. IT seems like a weekly occurrence that snow is here...and it's getting old now. I want sunshine, I want warmth, and I want to be outside instead of inside. But mother nature isn't playing fair with us.
I remember the days of driving home in a snow storm just WAITING for that phone call that the mtg was cancelled...and on those RARE times that it wasn't, I just didn't GO. But the nights it was, oooooh how sweet to lay up in the house, watch tv (shows I usually missed cause of mtgs), and feel NORMAL doing things everyone else did on mtg nights when I was stuck up in the Kingdom Hall.
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Were you told by JC that God will no longer listen to your prayers?
by Hortenzie ini was df-ed 3 years ago.
during the process nothing extraordinary happened.
everything proceeded as if according to a script.
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babygirl30
I was told the following by the elders in my JC:
1. Being DF'd meant I didn't have Jehovah's holy spirit 'upon' me any longer
2. I am considered 'dead' to everyone IN the org
3. Jehovah no longer listens to my prayers
YET on the flip side...these same elders during the same JC meeting with me, AFTER telling me I was getting DF'd, told me to:
1. Form a close relationship with Jehovah through prayer (direct conflict with #3)
2. Study the Bible and do as much research in JW publications as I can to 'humble' myself and show Jehovah that I was repentant for my sins (direct conflict with #1)
I really believe that the DF policy is so back-asswards that even 5yr olds could reason that much on their own!! If I'm so bad, and I'm dead to everyone including my God - WHY do I need to pray at all? And ask for WHAT???
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I am so angry i want to smack someone around. God damn evil ex...I am ranting!
by Aussie Oz ini am such a placid person.
i will always turn the other cheek.
i will always be the one to yeild.
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babygirl30
I am sooo sorry you are going through this! It's ironic that a religion that screams 'peace and love' - gives their members this bloated RIGHT to raise HELL when deciphering how everyone ELSE should show that peace and love!!! Very sad indeed. <<HUGS>>
Rest assured that although things are rough NOW because of the kids mom (your ex)...in the future they WILL understand all that is going on and will see things for how they are.
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i knew a sister who would have made a wonderfull mum and wife
by looloo inbut she is now 45 , and has spent all her life sticking to the societys policy of only marrying in the "the truth" i saw her looking at my new baby with such longing and she said her baby would look just like her she was sure !
she has seen all her friends and younger sisters marry and have babys , i dont think she could cope if she knew the sacrifices she has made for the cult were all in vain , i also knew a lady of 86 who was very sweet and "mumsy" i asked why she had no children , she said she was waiting for the "new system" she died at 87 !.
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babygirl30
There is a sister my mother 'cares for' and she is now 92yrs old, in stage 4 ahlzheimers, and lives in a nursing home - but she's NEVER been married. Story goes that both her parents were annointed and she cared for them till they passed, then she traveled the world on their money...so she remained a 'childless virgin'!! Not sure if I believe it, but I DO know she never got married and I think that's sad. She is now dying ALONE (short of my mom's attending to her) and I don't consider THAT a happy existence.
Too many sisters I know NOW have worldly men on the low and end up marrying them anyhow...or else they do the whole double-life thing and date the worldly guy whole still upkeeping their JW persona inside the cong. It's SAD!
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metal health problems in the organisation
by looloo infor "the happiest people on earth" i found so many folk in the cong had depression or suffered with "nerves and axiety" there was one lad who was due to go and "work" in bethel and changed his mind at the last minute and spent nearly all his time on his computer in his bedroom from then on (he must of been on this site !he apparently "went schitsophrenic(dont know how to spell it sorry ) as did his sister and his poor mum was probably the most dedicated dub in the cong but was considered as a bit "bonkers" by all in the cong .
there were 3 elders i know of who had depression and many rank and file , i must admit it did make me question how "happy "being a dub would make me when i was a study and voiced my concerns i was told satan was trying to get them out the truth so they were depressesed or some rubbish like that , but i was also told that people who leave the truth are depressed because they dont have the truth !
you cant have it both ways !
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babygirl30
Anything 'positive' (looking) is going to attract those who have major emotional/mental issues - it gives them HOPE and peace of mind! Think about it...all the immigrants that come to the U.S. come for the same reasons: better life, hope, more money, all GOOD things! (give me your tired, hungry, etc). Same thing with the org/cong...they are like MAGNETS to those with issues because it's a haven for them. People will be nice, they are told they won't be judged, they are offered a hope for free (along with clothing, life skills, food, whatever it takes to get them to get baptized), and they are sold the idea of everyone being sooooo happy!!!! My old cong was like the State Hospital - i swear. There were so many people with alcohol, drug, and mental issues that it was downright scarey at times to be cornered by one of those 'friends' and have them try to converse with you...UGH.
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***Surgery was a success***
by babygirl30 inhey everyone!
sorry it took me awhile to follow-up, but the pain was more then i bargained for!!!
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188970/1/urgent-advice-needed.
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babygirl30
Hey everyone! Sorry it took me awhile to follow-up, but the PAIN was more then I bargained for!!! In case some don't recall what was going on and what my original issue was, here is the thread I started last week pre-surgery:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188970/1/URGENT-Advice-Needed
Well, I am officially post-op, and a LOT went down last week...still am unable to make sense of it all. FIrst off, THANK YOU again to everyone for the well wishes. I am at home and recouperating slowly but progressively - so I have nothing to complain about.
BUT hold onto your seats y'all, cause this story got GOOD there for a minute!!!! -hahahaha. My folks showed up at the hospital right before surgery, but I refused to see them...I just wanted to spend those few hours of prep with my bf and a close friend of mine. I DID fill out and sign a DOA (Health Care Agent) form where I laid out my wishes and my agents...parents being the LAST of 3 different 'agents' for me. Anyhow, let me also mention that this hospital visit was my parents 1st time MEETING my bf and also seeing my good friend (who is currently still a JW but inactive). Anyhow 3.5hrs later and I'm in my hospital room, wake up, and there are a bunch of my friends AND my parents. I was caught off guard because I didn't expect to see that many people there, but I was grateful that they all showed up to support me. These same friends came back everyday and brought gifts (2 of which are active JWs) and I thought that was just the biggest slap in my parents face...to see that despite me NOT being a JW, I still have a 'life' and am not some lonely pathetic girl they assumed I would be after leaving the org. My bf was at my side all 3 days I was in the hospital...bringing me whatever I asked for, and sitting there for hours - even while I slept! This main is a SAINT!!!!!!! Either way, let me break down both parents during this time period:
Dad: he and mom would take 'shifts' of sitting with me. He would sit for a few hours, then she would come in and sit for hours. BUT dad did NOT have any 'conversation' with me at all!!! Yes - I'm saying we would sit in silence. He would crack a few jokes to whomever came to visit me, but to ME...not much to say. Although I do give him credit, he would help me in and out of bed, he would take me for walks in the hallway, and he brought me flowers...so in the sense I can 'thank' him. But the 3rd day, my dad finally speaks up and tells me he wants to talk to me (mind you, he has met my bf and had conversations with him IN the room with me). He tells me that I am more then welcomed to move home while I recover for as long as I need, but my 'entourage' (all my friends) are NOT permitted to visit me...although he will consider the female friends to come over once in awhile, but my bf (whom he named specifically) is NOT allowed in his home at all because we are 'dating' and he cannot have that. All I did was thank him for the offer, but had every intention of going home with my bf (who had already set up a nice 'medical room' for me at his house because he watned me to come back with HIM to take care of me). Needless to say, dad was NOT happy about it, but didn't say anything negative at all. During my stay, his bros/sis (my aunts/uncles) would call to see how I was doing - my father would intercede these calls and tell them NOT to come visit, that I was 'alright' and that he would have me call them back when I was better....there is a REASON he did that, which I will get into later.
Mom: she REALLY surprised me! She talked to me more and played 'catch-up' over the last 6 mos (we haven't talked since Sept). She asked about my love life, how I've been, what I've been doing, and she asked 1001 questions about me and my bf...not evasive questions either - genuine 'interest' questions (how did you meet, where was your first date, is he a good kisser,e tc) - all normal mother/daughter stuff! Now add tihs up over the 3 days where mom is asking me questions and conversing about my relationship AND she is also asking bf questions and getting to know him, and by the last day it was just she and I in the room and I was feeling a little better and more talkative. So mom proceeds to say this out of the blue: "I can tell that (bf) loves you - you can see on his face! You make him laugh and he makes you laugh...and it's SO obvious that he cares about you. I mean, he rearranged his livingroom for you to be able to come in and be cared for!! If you guys love each other, and have good conversation, and he makes you happy - then I'm happy FOR you. You DO know you're father will not give you away if you marry him though, right? So if that doesn't matter to you, then go elope! Save your money, don't have a big wedding...run off to the beach and get married with those closest around you. Ok? Don't break this man's heart - he is REALLY a good guy." She blew my mind and made me CRY. We both were crying actually because I would've never expected to hear that from HER...the die-hard JW. But anyways, then convo then turned to her last words: "I love you and I raelly like (bf) and would like to get to know him better and have you in our lives - so WHY can't you just come back (to the org)? Is it personal reasons or doctrinal...cause your father and I cannot help you with it - but we can GET you help? Whatever it takes...pleaes think about it." That is where she broke my heart because she started BEGGING me to reconsider my stance against coming back!!!!!
Now back to dad...the reason HE didn't want any familky coming to visit is because apparently they all are 'aware' of him NOT talking to me and have been berating him about his decision to shun his own daughter! He is a very proud, stubborn, and controlling 'southern black man' so NOBODY is gonna tell him what to do or how to think...but his own bros/sis coming at his neck seems to be TOO much for him! Each one told me how they tried to reason with him and how he is staunch in his beliefs right now. BUT they also made me area of the fact that my father NEVER told them why he is shunning me...(they know from me of course) but that when they ask him, he either deflects the question or tells them to 'ask her' or he will say 'when she gets herself together' type or response. UGH!! I love him dearly as my father but do NOT like him...I swear. Mom calls everyday to see how I'm feeling or if I need anything, but I know that too will come to an end soon enough. So that is my story. Now comes the next 4-6 weeks recovery at home resting up and taking it easy...which I'm cool with. But I thought this 'story' of the JW parents caring for their ex-JW daughter kinda turned out pretty funny, huh?
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***URGENT Advice Needed***
by babygirl30 inhey everyone!.
i will be going into the hospital for surgery on tues...my first one ever!
the surgeon has gone over the procedure and informed me that it's 'bloody' and so she gave me all my options.
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babygirl30
Thank you all for your support!!!! FYI - I'm grown (32) - so my parents opinion doesn't matter, but I still have residuals of JW teachings sometimes. Today is just REALLY stressful...just got off the phone with pre-admissions and officially registered. I have been 'fasting' since 8am, had nothing more then a bagel and some juice - and at 12 I am to clear a bottle of magnesium citrate? And at 4pm I will get the phone call with my surgery time UGH!!!!! So the process begins.
I am currently filling out a POA form NOW...so that all my wishes can be honored when I'm in the hospital. I appreciate ALL the advice everyone...will be back afterwards to give updates!