i am considering getting couples counseling for the jw boyfriend and i. he's open to it.
he got help himself for an issue recently, but it was in the short term, and it went well for him.
i want to know if we started going regularly, and his mentor got wind of it, what are the jw views on mental health help?
I saw a psychologist after being abused by a JW...and I was told by my parents to keep it quiet and by the elders, I was chastised - telling me that instead of therapy, I needed to place FULL reliance in Jehovah to get myself together?! When I spoke to them mos later, I mentioned therapy, and they AGAIN threw it in my face....
It's better to just GET the help you need and DO what you gotta do.
...about why i do not want to come back (get reinstated), but i find myself defending my decision!.
i say this because an old friend of mine sent me a text late last night, asking me if i'm 'back so we can talk'?!
let me give you a lil background story, this girl is developmentally challenged, 36yrs old, can't hold down a job, drive, nor live alone.
...about WHY I do not want to come back (get reinstated), but I find myself DEFENDING my decision!
I say this because an old friend of mine sent me a text late last night, asking me if I'm 'back so we can talk'?! Let me give you a lil background story, this girl is developmentally challenged, 36yrs old, can't hold down a job, drive, nor live alone. She functions quite normally but her mentality is probably that of a 17yr old. Met her at my gram's cong years ago, befriended her, and have kept in touch as I got older. So, this girl really is a sweetie, but is in a family of BACKWARDS JWs...they are all really backwards.
Well - I responded to her that I decided NOT to return and am HAPPY with my life! She surprisingly started a conversation with me...she asked me WHY I don't want to come back? All I said was "I went through a lot 2yrs ago and needed support - not to be DF'd at my lowest. All of that made me realize that my relationship with Jehovah is btwn he and I, NOT a religion." Now this girl again has the mind of a 17yr old - so I didn't want to get TOO deep into it or mess with HER thinin (as she still lives with her parents). About 2hrs later, she texts me again, telling me that she misses me and wishes I had talked to her, and that she wished I had never 'gone away'. HAHAHAHA! I told her I didn't GO away - I was forced out and there IS a difference!!
Her final comment was: "ur words will help me examine myself 2 c where I am spiritually. thank u." Not sure what THAT means...but I HATE feeling like I owe a reason for not wanting to come back? Like I need to be responsible for everyone ELSES feelings about MY choice?! UGH!
theme was something about "loyalty to jehovah's visible organization".. i have neither the time nor inclination to summarize the whole thing, but a few points stood out:.
even if it causes you personal hardship.
example: joshua & caleb returned from spy trip to promised land with good report, but were "outvoted" by the other 10 spies.
Soldier77 If they come right out and say, "Be loyal to visible org. even if you know they are wrong" I'm done, no slow fade, just stand up and walk out the front door.
REALLY???? THAT take cojones! If I saw that - someone just get up and storm out the Khall - my eyes would bug out and I would seriously be nosey enough to follow you and ask you WHY! That is TOO cool!!!
theme was something about "loyalty to jehovah's visible organization".. i have neither the time nor inclination to summarize the whole thing, but a few points stood out:.
even if it causes you personal hardship.
example: joshua & caleb returned from spy trip to promised land with good report, but were "outvoted" by the other 10 spies.
WOW! REading that just flashed all these different 'rules' in my mind that JWs are expected to live by and NEVER question - and it makes me so happy I'm OUT of that environment now.
there was a family in my cong that i was really close to...dad's an elder, mom's a pioneer, they had a son and daughter.
about 5yrs ago though, when i was still in my jw trance - the son married a non-jw and faded while the daughter was df'd.
due to my judgemental training, i 'shunned' both of them out of duty (not because i didn't care about them).
You are so right about how social networks DO take the 'sting' out of being DF'd. Took me a while after my announcement to realize my WORTH - cause I really believed God hated me and I wasn't worth ish....but finding an old friend that feels the SAME WAY and to know that he understand how I feel - well that makes my freedom of choice NOT to go back - worth it even more!!!
I hope your 'meet up' works out!! Sounds promising.
When I was in the hospital, some JW friends of mine that I have stayed in contact with despite my being DF'd - came to visit me. My parents were 'disgusted' by this, but held in their disdain until I was a lil better. At that point, my mom came to me and nicely told me that I needed to tell the JWs that I talk to NOT to bother with me...cause it shows disrespect by associating with those who I shouldn't be! HAHAHA! I flat out told her that I am not a JW, so I no longer HAVE to abide by THEIR rules - I can talk to whomever I choose.
i remember the day that i first found out about this teaching.
it was during a co's visit, he got up on the platform, and made it absolutely clear that the only way to get into paradise was to be a baptised jw (he had a letter from the borg saying this).
i was confused by this, and the next day i was set to work with him in the ministry.
I used to be SO SCARED when the brothers would talk about how we needed to be at ALL mtgs 'in case the end came' and nobody knew where to go or what to do. SO if you weren't at the mtg (for whatever reason) you would miss out on the direction from the bros and possibly lose your life! THAT rang loudly in my head as a kid...
there was a family in my cong that i was really close to...dad's an elder, mom's a pioneer, they had a son and daughter.
about 5yrs ago though, when i was still in my jw trance - the son married a non-jw and faded while the daughter was df'd.
due to my judgemental training, i 'shunned' both of them out of duty (not because i didn't care about them).
There was a family in my cong that I was really close to...dad's an elder, mom's a pioneer, they had a son and daughter. About 5yrs ago though, when I was still IN my JW trance - the son married a non-JW and faded while the daughter was DF'd. Due to my judgemental training, I 'shunned' both of them out of duty (not because I didn't care about them). But these 2 were SUCH good friends!! Their parents would always discuss how disappointed they were that thier kids didn't come back...and so i never really ran into either of them nor felt it would be 'acceptable' to try to contact them.
Anyhow, found BOTH of them on good ol Facebook and reached out to them. The girl friended me right away and we caught up online! But the son took awhile...so I sent him a msg telling him that I was DF'd and that if he chose not to associate with me, I would understand and respect that. WELL...he DID friend me and we ended up chatting for a LONG time last night!! Not only was he happy to hear from me, but he also said that my being DF'd was 'only by man - NOT by God' and that led into us discussing the org and how twisted it is. HE has the same feelings as we all do (here on JWN) about JWs and religion as a whole...he read CofC...we talked about all the discrepancies...and his 'hang up' is the generation topic! I told him about this site (hopefully he joins) and then we ended the convo.
All in all it was soooo good to catch up with an old friend and to be able to learn that THEY also feel just like I do!!!
do you ever feel guilty about the way you pre-judged others when you were a drone?.
i feel guilty about it every day!
people's lives are so complex, we know so little of their personal struggles and "thorns in the flesh" yet we're conditioned to prejudge on a checklist of criteria published by a few men in new york.
To this day (and I'm going on 2yrs being DF'd) I feel BAD for how I treated other DF'd people that I knew...specifically this one sister I knew. She was my best friend at the time, and we had sort of falling apart because she was older then me and was living her life. Well I ran into she and her mom in the grocery store one day and ran over to say hi...her mom told me that my friend was DF'd and then the mom started crying. I toos tarted to cry, and my friend (who was standing RIGHT there between the 2 of us) started to cry...and not ONCE did I make eye contact with her or say a word to her. I just hugged her mom IN front of her and walked away. How freakin selfish is that??? I mean, as if I had NO heart. That still bothers me.
sorry if this starts off as a kind of a downer.. i am 29, and my husband and i have stopped going to meetings since last october.
we live in mexico and used to attend the english.
long story short, after realizing how many much we've been lied to we stopped going to our meetings, moved out of the territory, switched to spanish, and after a month of attending just vanished.
WELCOME! Remeber that you ARE 'hormonal' in a sense - being pregnant and all. SO your emotions are probably stronger then normal.
On the other hand, I can relate to the ANGER at learning that all you were taught is NOT true and that admitting you don't believe anymore can and will alienate you from your entire family. It's scarey, it's frustrating, and it would make anyone angry. It's NORMAL!
...is today.
he stated to me that he really wanted me to attend the ceremony, so me and lorijis will be attending the ceremony this evening.
i dont know if we'll be ready for all of the shunning that will occur, but i want to be there and so does he.. the funny thing is we never received an invitation or anything to let us know about the wedding.
It still amazes me that dubs can shun family yet ask them for financial help.
That sounds JUST like my sister! The girl is mentally ill (besides the point) but she is exactly THAT way! This girl will not even LOOK at me if I run into her in public (she will cover my lil nieces eyes so SHE doesn't see me either) and she has flat out told me that I am DEAD to she and her daughter and that she wants nothign to do with me. But the oddest thing happens when she is in dire straights and needs money and knows my parents will give her a fat NO....all of a sudden she has no problem calling me and NEEDS me. I used to give in and let her have whatever she needed, but anymore - HELL NO!
Basically, although you are doing the noble thing - you are allowing yourself to be used. Do you realize that? I know it's your brother and that's family, but family wouldn't SHUN each other or play emotional games (you're not invited but could you contribute?) and they wouldn't allow men telling them NOT to do something to be their guide in life.
