I've just seen this post and it made me want to cry.
Your dad sounds like the real deal..a gem of a man, seems like you take after him!
I think your wife has been brainwashed into totally trusting elders, and this swine took advantage of that. I'm so glad you stayed together and now you have your little girl too! Don't write off your wife...slowly slowly you CAN in programme her but first you must assert yourself..no more running to daddy. She owes you that honesty at !east..you are a PARTNERSHIP tell her..look where running to elders got her last time.
Any chance of moving away to begin a fade and try to extract her from her toxic family/elders . Talk to her about those family meals first, with the elders laughing about disfellowshipped people. Try to show her there is no loving holy spirit there.
I wish you all the best, you lovely man. People like you make me proud to be a sapien.!!😀