Posts by stuckinlimbo

34

Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

stuckinlimbo

U2B: Nice to know we are in this together! Fortunately we don't have any JWs living around us so don't come under to much scrutiny from outside the family.

Scooterspank: I was already thinking along the lines of putting a tree in an unused room for a short period of time. But I will do it next year, as we will be going to a friend's for Christmas this year and she will have a tree there that we will put presents under. That's so sad about you having to hide an ivy plant Christmas tree under your bed . I never wanted one as a kid as I was thoroughly convinced they were evil!

Ding: I think asking them may push them to say that they would have to take action, when in reality, if I had not said anything, they might pretend not to notice if my son tells them something, etc. Talking about it might switch the cult personality to "on". My son won't be associating with any other JW kids until he goes to school, except the annual to bi-annual visit with cousins I mentioned... I think what you mentioned about Santa is a good idea and what I had thought I would do.

Take me higher: This is actually my second screen name, my first "breakingfree" I lost the password for with an old computer and it was not an easy one to remember (i had always copied and pasted). This one seems more realistic though...unfortunately, I don't think I'll be breaking completely free for some time! It is good you can celebrate under the guise of your non-JW husband! The August2011 watchtower is a concern to me but maybe by next year the idea of shunning family will be a little relaxed again, until the next article comes out

I really appreciate your help guys!

27

Unsafe Cars in Field Service

by NewChapter in

jw
friends

tell me your stories.

i used to get quite pissed when i was pressured to ride in an unsafe vehicle for fs.

when my daughter was little, i was under constant pressure to let her ride without a car seat.

stuckinlimbo

LOL, so young brothers wanted to go with sisters to doors that can't be seen, and you chalk this up to sense. Were these sisters young and pretty?

Just teasing.

Lol, they were often literally bros/sisters/cousins so I really hope not! I was the only one not related to anyone else!

27

Unsafe Cars in Field Service

by NewChapter in

jw
friends

tell me your stories.

i used to get quite pissed when i was pressured to ride in an unsafe vehicle for fs.

when my daughter was little, i was under constant pressure to let her ride without a car seat.

stuckinlimbo

In Oz the cars have to pass rego inspection every year, so the cars themself are usually not an issue. Although many were old. ONe practice I never understood was that many would take their seatbelts off as soon as they were off the main roads. I have no idea why as I never noticed my seatbelt, and never had a problem with it, but I didn't like it, both because I was concerned for them and because they would become flying projectiles in a crash. It wasn't like we were going slow on these back roads either.

I also recall the idea that angels/god was watching us in service meant that we were protected and we probably took more risks, like two young girls going to doors where the car group couldn't see them, thinking we had divine protection. Along with teenage feelings of immortality, this was dangerous. I do recall some of the young brothers would always insist they go with a sister to doors that couldn't be seen, or places that looked a bit shady, so there was some sense there in my cong at least.

12

Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

stuckinlimbo

Very true Ding. I still read the Watchtower, especially the JW only edition, and I rely on this board a lot to give me a heads up about issues coming up. It is a great place Helps me to know if theres a paticular time to keep my mouth shut, and when I can possibly say something that might make them think before they get a certain magazine we have already read!

I don't know that I'm on top of things but I have decided not to tell her about the party this year. But I'm not going to be asking him not to tell her either. Hopefully he won't mention it to his cousins

34

Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

stuckinlimbo

Hi All

Thankyou for the comments. Its great to get so much input!

Carla said, "it sounds as if you are trying to decide between giving your child as normal of life as possible but hold back for financial reasons as well as trying not to piss daddy off" This is not a fair assessment. I have a close relationship with my parents. My Dad's cultural background means he is a man of few words, but we get on well enough now, and my Mum and I are in constant contact. I seriously don't want to upset them too much in their older age, but then again they have upset me with the whole bringing me up in a cult thing ... I mentioned the will thing as a sidepoint, and there is not that much money involved, more the sentimental/memories stuff and that being cut out would be hurtful. You asked "Are you willing to go to any lengths to protect your childs physical, emotional, mental and spiritual life? You may be the one to one day have to limit contact with the parents if they will not abide by your rules of not indoctrinating your child." Yes. I am not about to throw my child to the wolves if that is what the situation becomes, however they are getting older (70s) and don't seem to have a desperate "we must save them" thing going on, but don't worry, I'm staying alert, and like I said, there will be a lot less unsupervised care from next year.

About Christmas and Atheism, I didn't mean that to be an issue but it's interesting to hear all your comments. In my town, in my age group, so-called "Christians" who may belong to a church use it for funerals/marriages/christenings and that's about it, some don't even do that. There is no Jesus in Christmas for most of these people anyway, so it is mainly a secular holiday for these families as well. I think the end of the year is a great time to celebrate and give gifts.

Undercover said:

"The holidays present a challenge for the faded person who still has family still faithful to the bOrg. You may like celebrating and maybe you want to decorate even, but to keep the peace in the family - or to keep the hounds at bay - you have to curtail these activities to some degree.

You have to weigh how much you want to keep the family peace against how much you want to express your freedom to do what you want. There is no one answer that works for everyone.

I am thinking maybe I should just leave off the Chrismas tree itself, as that will probably be the greatest issue, for the time being and just do the lights/presents/food/etc. Lights are a big thing over here, but it is harder to pin them as Christmas. I don't want to have to moderate what I do, but at the same time I think it's great that my son has such lovely Grandparents, I never had that (well I had Grandparents but not like my Mum and Dad). I think happy, carefree association with them, without the tension of mum and dad being shunned, is probably more important to him than a Christmas tree. I think maybe it is more my desire to be "normal" than his, that is driving the tree thing (and the fact I think Chrismas trees are pretty). I may be able to put up tinsel, especially since my mum brought a bag of old tinsel over that I used to have (I loved tinsel and she used to buy it for me after Christmas) a couple of months ago with the comment that I might use it for parties and Jack might like it.

There will be no Santa in our house, I just don't feel comfortable with the idea and worry it paves the way for irrational belief, considering our particular situation of our child being in contact with JWs. Plus if we buy our child a nice present I want them to know it comes from me and his dad!

Thanks for all your comments again. They really do help. I apologise for the disjointed nature of my writing but I am pressed for time and sleep deprived...

12

Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

stuckinlimbo

Hi Band on the run, My parents are quite active JWs, but are more "Christian" than most and I think are trying to win me without a word, or have given up knowing it's hopeless. For that I am very thankful. I try my very best not to say anything about JW stuff and they try not to either. It's working for now...

34

Looking for advice/thoughts/opinions RE Celebrating Xmas

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

stuckinlimbo

Hi Scully

I love your line of reasoning, however, wouldn't they just fall back on the idea that your celebrating the seasons venerates the pagan gods associated with the seasons? By the way, I am in Australia, so I can't really put up snowflakes and call it "welcoming the season" lol! I love lights and tinsel, which have no origin other than being associated with modern Christmas celebrations. I already have a string of icicle lights, which I put up (at the back of the house) the other day, and my son showed them to my mum, who said they were very pretty and that she liked lights lol.... but next year he may start to notice that we don't have a Christmas tree, if we don't. It's not like I'll have angels and stuff as decorations, as I'm not into that, but the tree itself I'm pretty sure they can call pagan, despite the pinata article, they will just say it's associated with Christmas, yada yada. And they would focus on do not stumble others, and if I said I was not known as a witness I would be tying my own noose I think... Has anyone sucessfully gotten away with a Christmas tree? I want a light green one with blue shiny ball things and silver tinsel, evil person that I am

12

Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

stuckinlimbo

You mean on that line? there was nothing, I put a quote of what you said on the next line and then my comment after, can you see that?

12

Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

stuckinlimbo

Hi Black Sheep

You need to cult-proof your kids.

Don't worry I will. Have read teach your child how to think and will get it out again as he gets older. This is a child who is not easily led either

If you don't, you could well find yourself dealing with him when he comes back from Grandma's bawling his eyes out because Jehovah is going to kill Mummy.

I don't believe my parents would be this blunt. My mum is always saying non-sanctioned stuff like Jah reads hearts, we don't judge, etc. They may fear that that is my fate but they wouldn't say that to him. They wouldn't teach him things that would allow him to draw that conclusion until he was a bit older, by then I will have his logic firmly in place. I will teach him to reason, to keep asking questions about why, etc. I have actually been paranoid enough to pull out some of the JW children's books and ask him if he had "seen this picture before".The response has always been negative. He laughs at my parents when they pray and they don't try to hold hands with him for prayer in my presence, but I have seen him try to, but I think that is harmless, he has not idea what they are doing, and it's ok for him to respect their right to pray before meals. I do believe they will try to teach him things as he gets older but I will just have to be alert and make sure I do "cult-proof" him so he can continue to have a relationship with them.

12

Wondering whether to invite my JW mum to my son's Bday party

by stuckinlimbo in

jw
friends

ok so my son is turning 3 soon and i will be having a party for him a couple of weeks early due to the holidays.

last year i made him a gingerbread house, complete with his name and how old he was in icing.

i didn't invite my parents to the party (which was mainly older friends and a couple of his playmates), but since the kids didn't really eat it i took some to my parents and they ate it and my mum liked the photos i showed her of the intact ginger bread house (without candles).

stuckinlimbo

BP:

How about having a seperate "party" or just a dinner with your parents and your family the day after or so? If your mother wants to bring a gift she can as it technically won't be his birthday anymore, and you can just tell your son that Grandma and Grandpa won't be at his party because they'll come another day to see him?

The party will actually be held before his birthday, and we get together with my mum and dad enough so that's not an issue. Also, I would not like to encourage her to buy him anything else, she gives him something, on average, once a week, probably more. Spoils him rotten (not the typical JW). She has presents stored for him and his cousins that will be coming (at Christmas time lol) as well. Thankyou for your comments

Ding:

Does she know you are having a birthday party for him and that it's openly going to be a BIRTHDAY party with cake, candles, happy birthdays, and the happy birthday song?

No I wasn't going to bother telling her unless I was going to invite her.

If she knows it's going to be a birthday party, how does she react to that fact alone? Does that make you "bad association" to her? Does it provoke arguments or lectures or attempts to make you feel guilty?

I might get a grumble, a sad look, I don't know whether or not it would become a big issue...

If your mother could handle being there, how would your father react? Would she have to hide things from him to keep peace in the family?

Hmmm... yeah it is looking like a bad idea....

If you can't have an open dialogue with your mother about these things, I think you have your answer right there. Don't invite her.

I think you are right. Thanks for your logic. I appreciate the comments very much. You have helped me see this much more clearly. I think tear he will not ask why they aren't there, next year he may be old enough to understand that his grandparents don't do birthdays, he certainly won't be worried whether they love him or not. They bestow him with love attention and gifts all the time.

If your mother or father feel left out because she's excluded from this part of his life, the blame lies with them and their religion, not with you.

Thankyou, I was feeling bad about this in particular but you are right.

Your whole post has made me feel a lot better. Thankyou.