i look back on all my posts here sometimes (ok not literally - i'm too verbose to look at all of them) and can't believe where i am today.
not that i am sitting on top of the world as the most successful person - but the small victories i have achieved over the past few years really did seem impossible to my pessimistic and damaged little mind when i first started posting here.
when i look back i have a lot of anger in my first posts - and man oh man what a rocky relationship with my parents.
Back at you WLG...the feeling is mutual.
Baba - I'm really good. In spite of the crazy nature of my life at the moment (just the day to day life stresses that we all get loaded down with), emotionally I am in a really good place, and it makes everything else ok. How about you?
i look back on all my posts here sometimes (ok not literally - i'm too verbose to look at all of them) and can't believe where i am today.
not that i am sitting on top of the world as the most successful person - but the small victories i have achieved over the past few years really did seem impossible to my pessimistic and damaged little mind when i first started posting here.
when i look back i have a lot of anger in my first posts - and man oh man what a rocky relationship with my parents.
I look back on all my posts here sometimes (ok not literally - I'm too verbose to look at all of them) and can't believe where I am today. Not that I am sitting on top of the world as the most successful person - but the small victories I have achieved over the past few years really did seem impossible to my pessimistic and damaged little mind when I first started posting here.
When I look back I have a lot of anger in my first posts - and man oh man what a rocky relationship with my parents. In particular with my mother. The condensed version of my story for newbies is I was still living at home when I first came here. I was already not attending meetings, but attending college. My mom and I have always had a troubled relationship. She used to tell me we didn't get along because we were so much alike. At the time all I saw was her being jealous, controlling, and depressed all at the same time. I saw nothing of myself in her and was highly offended.
Fast forward through a few years - me striking out on my own after college, many tears, much growth (on both our parts), letting go of some bitterness and anger (again on both our parts), and finally coming to some mutual respect between us. If I could go back to that person I was when I was first posting here and say, "You know what - someday you are going to appreciate your mother, and actually enjoy spending time with her." I would have burst out laughing. Impossible!
But I do like spending time with my parents. Sure she still knows how to push my buttons - but I am pretty confident I push hers too. However, we choose not to anymore. Maybe we both finally wised up that our goading and spitting was only making ourselves miserable. Or maybe I was finally able to own up to the fact that, like it or not, I am actually a lot like my mom. For good or for bad we are cut from the same flawed fabric. I see her pain and frustration and can now read it into some of the things she said and did to me. While it still stings I have a better understanding now of what motivated her to behave the way she did.
And I forgive her.
Sometimes it frightens me to think that I only have a handful of years left with them. And what a shame that it takes us until adulthood to appreciate our parents as adults -- and not just as parental figures. And yet I feel lucky as hell that I have come to this place of peace with both of them so that I do get to enjoy them for who they are.
My washer and dryer in my rental unit are horrible. I'm still the child at 28 who drags her laundry home to wash it. At home I get free laundry in a machine that won't eat my shirts and will actually dry my comforter - but I also like the excuse to just sit with my parents and chat. Last weekend I took my stuff home to wash. I started my laundry but under estimated the time I'd need to finish, and had plans so I had to leave, but said I would come back in the morning to finish it up. When I called my mom to tell her I was on my way back - she said, "Ok - I just threw the last load in the dryer for you."
"Oh - well thank you -- I didn't expect you to finish it for me."
"Well your father and I are just sitting here so we might as well roll some socks. We're old and bored easily and we love you."
I mistake her comment for a joke. Or do I? It's probably more my nervous off-handed laughter that I use to avoid the issues at hand, like my mother who I've always had a hard time hearing affectionate phrases from, is bubbling out to cover for me.
But I laugh and say in a jokey way to cover myself "Oh yeah - I feel the love."
And deadly seriously she replies with "Good, that's all I've ever wanted."
One sentence. Just one. And it trips me up, chokes me up, and floods me with emotion I don't know quite how to deal with in the span of the two seconds I have in order to form a decent reply, so I simply say, "I do feel loved."
And it's the truth.
Sometimes she really surprises me. With one sentence the dynamic of our current relationship completely changes.
And I believe her.
All the years of hurt and anger – for a brief moment they're stripped away. With one sentence it’s like my very soul melts. For us – one sentence will be enough. It has to be because we’ll never have the perfect mother-daughter relationship where we pour our hearts out to each other. But we will have this. And while one load of laundry and folded shirts can't take away everything we've done to each other over the years, to hear it acknowledged at such an unexpected time touches me deeper and on a level I never thought possible. It's more than just the act, and it's more than just one sentence, but the impact on me is heavy.
I don't really know why I felt compelled to share this here. Maybe just more for myself. The log of my relationship with her that I have posted here would not be complete without this addition. And just maybe I can offer hope to someone who is just leaving and fears never having a relationship with their family again. Or offer a small glimmer to someone who has a strained relationship with someone that it can change. In the magic of time I don't know where or how my relationship changed with my mother - but it has.
And it feels good.
i started to put this in the great thread here on weirdos in your hall which i have so enjoyed, but there was a bit more story to it.
there a pitiful little hunchback young man of about 25 that was soooooo introverted it was really sad.
so he calls my house to speak to my elder dad, and i answer the phone.....unfortunately, at 15, i sounded a lot like my dad, and as soon as i said "hello" he blurts out...."brother oompa, i just wanted you to know i have gotten rid of all my pornography, and am going to really try to work in harmony with my prayers to stop masturbating.
Are people really expected to call the elders over things such as that?
Tula - I don't know the nitty gritty of the calls but was specifically this behavior that caused my dad to step-down as an elder. He personally didn't feel equiped/qualified to help people with their problems like this and didn't enjoy being the confessor for his friends at the hall...it stressed him out too bad so he stepped down.
i post under a different name on this forum, but there are some people that read this site that know who i am in person, so i am posting under a different alias so as not to get myself in hot water.. .
anyway, for the first time in over 20 years of eligibility, i voted in today's primary.
in a church!
not cool burn...
http://www.variety.com/index.asp?layout=print_review&reviewid=ve1117936066&categoryid=31 posted: mon., feb. 4, 2008, 11:16pm pt.
worlds apartto verdener .
with: rosalinde mynster, pilou asbaek, jens jorn spottag, sarah boberg, anders w. berthelsen.. .
Wow! I hope it releases over here with subtitles at the very least. Tho that will probably be a few months down the line if it happens.
I found it on IMDB http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1065318/
Looks like it doesn't even release there until the 22nd of this month...definately will come back to that page for updates....
i post under a different name on this forum, but there are some people that read this site that know who i am in person, so i am posting under a different alias so as not to get myself in hot water.. .
anyway, for the first time in over 20 years of eligibility, i voted in today's primary.
in a church!
I turned 18 and voted...I didn't leave the Witnesses until I was 21.
I dunno, I just felt like I had to - that and I already had my dobuts about being a witness anyway. It was my first year of college I was feeling rebellious and had a pretty strong opinion about the election that year. So I did it. It was in my local high school...where my dad was a teacher...in the same town as my Kingdom Hall...I was teriffied...I am sure anyone standing behind me thought I was some crazy paranoid crack head...but I did it...and it felt good.
I haven't missed an election yet - and I feel pretty good about that.
let me explain that.
i think humans go through these phases where we see things and experience things that begin to callouse our minds.
my dad is an amazing dichotomy of loving and violent.
I've thought about this one a while...
I can only think of one thing...they made me a reader at the age of 3 and half, four. I guess in some respects they gave me a love of footnotes and even if I realize now it was a pretend kind of scholarship it did excite me. I don't know that I can say for certain I would or wouldn't have developed that love of study with or without the JW's.
Being JW's probably saved my parents from getting divorced. How they ended up together sometimes I wonder. While I think they love each other now their relationship had it's rocky patches, including the death of a child, that I think would have broken up most couples who were on such different footing early in their relationship. I don't think they've had a miserable married life. I think they make each other happy now - but I sometimes wonder if either of them would have thrown in the towel if not for the JW's...hard to say really if it's doctrinal, or generational.
For me I can't see it that black and white that my life would have been drastically different had I not been raised a JW. More than likely we would have been raised crazy catholics. I'd maybe have more brothers and sisters...my parents were looking for something spiritual and it just so happens the JW's came knocking first. Hell, I might even be an ex-mormon by now...who can know?
I guess that's why I find it so surprising so many on this thread know for a fact that if not for this one factor in their lives they'd have happy well adjusted lives. I guess for me my life isn't that simple - and I couldn't tie my happiness to one factor. Too many layers for me to make that call...I think we get a little bit whistful in the "If Only"...for me personally I don't see that kind of gurantee. My mother and I probably still would have fought like cats. She'd still be depressed, which would have translated into my own depression. I still wouldn't have been allowed to do many social things, and probably wouldn't have wanted to...I'm pretty sure with or without the JW's I'd have been a chubby nerdy teen. Hell being a JW ensured I had to at least have some friends if nothing else.
it's strange and i'm not sure if it's because of my upbringing, but i just can't be pro-choice.
i just don't see the rational justification (other than a situation where the mother's life is in danger).
i don't, however, see a problem with stuff like the morning-after pill, when the embryo is just a group of cells with no consciousness.
It's strange and I'm not sure if it's because of my upbringing, but I just can't be pro-choice. I just don't see the rational justification (other than a situation where the mother's life is in danger).
Excellent. Don't get an abortion then. Problem solved!
And I'm sorry my memory has forgotten already who said it on the first page but it bears a repeat...any two idiots can make a baby -- the miracle lies in raising a happy child. Amen sister - and preach on!
started out like any other normal day..with plans to go to taos with my girlfriend and a good buddy o mine (wlg) sorry mang...had to give u some recognition on this one...anyhow..we went out to a nice place for some breakfast..wandered around taos, went to the taos pueblos to get a chance to watch the native americans dance at the taos pueblo...then we went out to the taos gorge..which for those who dont know is a quite big hole in the ground bout a mile down...the bridge is somewhat a daunting look down for ones who have never seen it before.... anyhow...my girlfriend at first refused to step one foot out onto the bridge but with a little coaxing and a promise to make sure she wouldnt fall off i gradually brought her out to the middle of the bridge where there is a small outcropping where one can stand and look out over the gorge...we stood there staring over the side of the bridge for a few minutes then i slowly took her hand in mine and looked deep into her eyes.... ....and i dropped to one knee....(quite funny too cuz initially she was like what are you doing?
)....i still had her hand in mine and she was staring down at me like i was doing something silly or humorous like is my usual personality trait...i stared at her for a minute or two and said a few sentances of which are too personal to bring up here and then i asked her to marry me..... she looked at me and said "what?!
are you kidding me?!
Aww - very sweet story - I'm happy for you.
Big ol' Congrats to you!
if you've clicked around on other sites, you can find the troubling picture i grew up with from the old orange paradise lost book.
a big old armageddon earthquake that is swallowing up people, churches, a bicycle, a dog!
) and of course, a little girl in a dress that is indelibly planted in my memory chips.
Is it just me or were they trying to reap Ronald Regan?
