Posts by ReallyTrulyAthena

36

I just want to cry

by sabastious in

jw
friends

but it's so hard for me to let out the tears.

i think it has to do with how my dad raised me.

crying was very looked down upon.. just got done reading chapter 4 of combatting cult mind control.

ReallyTrulyAthena

It's an unexplainable pain. Knowing that your family is under the effects of mind control as they shun and ostracize you.

This. X 1,000. ((sabastious)) I'm newer here so I hope you don't mind my two cents...this post touched me and I completely empathize. My father is still being manipulated by the cult, and at the cost of destroying his family.

I haven't read Combatting Mind Control Yet -- only dribs and drabs -- because I fear what pain it may still wreak in my heart and soul.

For lack of better words, I'm glad you want to cry...and not let it tear and eat away at you. If you can get to that point of crying and letting it all out, may it be as Whitman said:

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.

22

I Want Some Greasy Potato Chips!!!

by snowbird in

jw
friends

the huge kind that leave your lips and chin shiny.. lol.. syl.

ReallyTrulyAthena

Syl - oh honey. What have you WROUGHT? I sat here...reading this post...hung on for dear life (for two whole HOURS) and then...CAVED. Just trotted my happy self to the kitchen and am now feasting on what will be the quickly-noshed contents of thissa here bag o' chips (Kettle brand - lightly salted - YUM).

Thank you for being an accomplice (wait...that should be the Instigator) to my eating adventures today!

LOL

44

Another Bro Fading

by FadeToGrey in

hi all.. my story.

it's been a while coming.. i have been lurking around here for 10 months or so.. reading just about everyday.

thank steve jobs for the iphone.. i haven't worked out how to post from the iphone.

ReallyTrulyAthena

Welcome, FadeToGrey

Thanks for sharing your story. How wonderful to know that you and your wife made it out together - hurray! Now THAT's encouragement right there.

I recently went though a bout of depression which was driving me to suicide. To much pain and guilt over never being good enough or doing enough.

My heart broke a little just reading that The overwhelming pain of it all, the feelings of being unworthy, the not being good enough/doing enough...then the dirty looks to boot. It's enough to make you want to scream...what a load of guilt to dump on anyone. I hate it. Sending positive thoughts & vibes your way ((hugs)) and am glad to hear you are happier and doing better!

You shared that you were still on anti-depressants. Stay on them as long as you need to, my friend. I was on them as well for a period of about five years. They definitely served their purpose in helping me "see more clearly" while I was going thru those years of intensive counseling sessions, post-JW. Both helped me tremendously. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

re: iPhone.

I am having no luck with JWN login on the iPod Touch 4g either. Maybe iPhone 4 users could chime in?

I was able to successfully login to the website with my 4.0 iPhone; yet...it looks to be still read-only as I cannot post (unless there's something I'm missing, which is entirely possible). At least the forum as it currently appears on the iPhone is in a pretty nice layout.

In the meantime, happy traditional reading/posting

33

longtime lurker its

by ninetynine in

ReallyTrulyAthena

Welcome, 99

I hear you 'bout the strict upbringing, abusive upbringing and also the hypocrisy displayed by many within the org. Don't you just "love" when the ones truly in the wrong project/transfer their stuff onto others? Lovely Christian behavior, huh. Oh yeah, all because you were spiritually weak (in their minds) by not going out in service or to the meetings as much? Yep, that's their easy out and ways to judge and put labels on other people just to make themselves feel better about their lousy behavior. (I got termed a "spiritual dud" once - I felt soooo "encouraged"...NOT.)

Sorry to hear that your parents called you a "bad egg" - that's a horrible thing for a parent to say to their child.

Glad to see you started posting...there are a lot of GREAT eggs here. Enjoy!

10

Do you...... Twitter?

by VampireDCLXV in

jw
friends

i think it's more dynamic, less intrusive and less of a pita than fb.

(jhmo).

anyone else here use twitter?.

ReallyTrulyAthena

Yes and no...I have an account and very occasionally "tweet". But I'm set up to primarily read Twitter's main feed to keep up on stuff like world news (as supplied by bloggers and various news forums -- let's say, anything other than MSM), reading blurbs from my favorites authors/musicians, getting tips and how-to's from tech/computer sources, yadda yadda, etc etc.

Overall - I like the concept and that it's a multi-purpose platform. I also like that it's NOT FB - you're right, that particular social site can be quite intrusive. And some adults (ahem) just don't know how to behave on FB sometimes. It's like they've forgotten all their basic social skills and have regressed to the emotional state of a 4-year old...oh wait, some never actually progressed beyond that point, methinks? LOL.

What sort of folks do you follow on Twitter, V665? I used to follow the dude who posted "Sh%t My Dad Says" for a long time (I don't think he posts at all anymore now that it's a TV show?) His dad's running commentary almost never failed to make me laugh...

388

I HATE this religion

by brotherdan in

so today was my first sunday meeting that i didn't go with my wife.

as an update she has decided not to move out right now...because she doesn't have anywhere to go.

but she is giving me the silent treatment.

ReallyTrulyAthena

Oh my god - I'm so sorry to hear this new development. I don't really have anything to add here either other than my continued thoughts & prayers are with you, brotherdan ((hugs))

184

At what point did you realize JW's were a Cult?

by Think About It in

most of us x-jw's at one point no doubt defended the jw's when called a cult.

althought being out since 95', when i first came here it took awhile before i could use the cult word to describe the jw religion.

finding out about the pedophile scandal was disgusting, but it was probably finding out here about the wts history and terrible personal experiences of some on this board that made me finally admit that the jw's were a cult.

ReallyTrulyAthena

Although I had been DF'd for about 8+ years, I had stumbled across a website sometime in 2002 (can't remember the name) that said it watched the major cults of the world, to include the Mormons.........and to my shock: JWs. WHAT??? I was floored, and thinking of it that way disturbed me greatly. Like MLE, I didn't correalate what I thought to be the definition of the word "cult" to what I was raised in. To me, being in a cult meant the Jonestown Massacre, or people sacrificing goats by the pale moonlight, or something like that.

Over time and after research/reading, it sank in that (in my humble opinion), I was raised in a cult. For me, it somehow helped put things into perspective. I could start to truly move on. After that realization, I really began to address more of my post-DF de-programming in greater depth. Therapy, good friends as well as lots of hard work and prayer brought me to this point in my life.

39

AUTUMN

by compound complex in

jw
friends

today's sky is no brilliant blue but a soggy blanket of dull gray.

its lofty drabness has acquiesced to the terrestrial, allowing the fall colors of the landscape to explode and bleed upward, outward, into the chill air.

a copse of scrub oak adorns a knoll set amidst the newly greening pasture land.

ReallyTrulyAthena

CoCo - thank you for your writing. You are very good and have quite the distinct "voice". Reading today's passage, I felt as if I was transported to this place. I had just started to go back and read some of your other posts and look forward to new ones!

Autumn is my favorite time of year as well. The whole stripping away and 'letting go of the old' in preparation of settling in for a long winter's slumber...

I'm currently living in CO. It's beautiful out here in the Fall (well - all year, really), but I will admit to being homesick for Western NY with the variety of trees and the accompanying riot of color that those leaves bring this time of year. coffee_black'slink brought back some powerful memories of our family making long, autumnal pilgramages to out-of-the-way roadside stands with apples and cider jugs and maple candies...*sigh* Ahhhh, Home. (coffee_black - nice drawings, too!)

Thanks all, for sharing the pictures...ooooooooo, pretty.

Here's my contribution -- last year a friend of mine and I hiked to Hell's Hole, located in the Mount Evans Wilderness area/Front Range of the Rockies. It was taken from my phone so I can't claim it's the best, but I hope you like it:

19

To my ex JW ex-husband....if you are out there on JWN

by Coffee House Girl in

i often wonder if you are here somewhere amongst the cool avatars and catchy screen names...it killed me 5 years ago when you ran away.....i felt as if i was shattered and would never be whole again.

and if i had stayed in the borg....that would still be the case....alone i was dying inside slowly....the borg was drowning me in duty, loyalty to the organization, isolation, spiritual hunger, thirst for understanding- i had to leave too, i just didn't do it quite as dramatically as you did.. i don't know why you still feel the need to remain "missing" after all these years.... i just want you to know that i was tired of hanging on to the hurt and pain over you...i let it go when i left the borg.

and all i want for you now is peace & i pray that you are okay and safe, wherever you are..... chg.

ReallyTrulyAthena

CHG:

Peace to the both of you...

39

The offical Screaming thread for those 'still in' or with family 'still in'

by pirata in

jw
friends

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

that feels better.

thanks all for listening to things that i cannot say to my family or 'friends', the very people that i should be able to talk about anything about, without fear of being labelled as an apostate and shunned like an amharet..

ReallyTrulyAthena

pirata - I'm sitting here this a.m. with my cuppa coffee and want to say that I feel a little better letting a good old "howl" out last night. 'Course, a couple of glasses of wine after work helped the process along.

So, I had to write back and really "THANK YOU" for posting this thread and like elderelite said, letting us let it all out. It doesn't change the fact that there are those who are 'still in', but it does help...((group hug))

I'm liking the additional images posted, too ... V665, the ones in your posts #925 and #946 are really powerful. Darth - I have to go get my cuddly blanket now. I was 23 when I first saw that movie...newly DF'd and was completely scared out f my gourd by it! Years before, Dad nearly had us walk out of Disney's "The Black Hole" -- all 'cause of one swear word. So you can imagine my ill-preparedness for truly scary movies when it came to Alien...