Nickolas

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Posts by Nickolas

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  34

  Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a request.

  if you are/were not an elder and wish to comment, by all means do so, but please preface your comment accordingly.

  if you are posing as an elder, please, please refrain from responding lest you inadvertantly do some damage.. i have been provided hypothetical consequences from the membership at large, now request the answer from a position of authority.. the question.. if the elders in my wife's congregation should decide that i have become a spiritual danger to her, how would they advise her?

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  Nickolas

  Thank you Weana, Viola and sir82. It all comes down to individual human nature, which is difficult to read if you don't know the players well.

  You read the situation correctly, MS. Your advice appears to be sound but I have distanced myself from Watchtower society so would not know how or where to begin. The thought of engaging the Watchtower hierarchy in this conversation, however, is not appealing. (Is it a coincidence that your initials are MS?)

  As a bit of an update we had a conversation about the shunning issue last night. It didn't go especially well, mainly because I have difficulty remaining impassionate about things I'm passionate about - see InterestedOne's contribution. I'm not very good at this, never have been. Her defenses went up, nothing got through and today it is as if the conversation never happened. No heat, no chill, just business as usual. Like water off a duck's back. Her mind is inpenetrable.
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  24

  The first Jehovah's Witness I ever met is now my wife.

  by wyorobert in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  our story like many of yours is way too crazy and long to tell.

  the short version is that i was crazy about my wife from the minute i met her.

  she seemed to like me and before we had time to think about anything, she left her husband and religion and moved in with me.

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  Nickolas

  Love, loyalty and family values, wyorobert.
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  34

  Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a request.

  if you are/were not an elder and wish to comment, by all means do so, but please preface your comment accordingly.

  if you are posing as an elder, please, please refrain from responding lest you inadvertantly do some damage.. i have been provided hypothetical consequences from the membership at large, now request the answer from a position of authority.. the question.. if the elders in my wife's congregation should decide that i have become a spiritual danger to her, how would they advise her?

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  Nickolas

  I would think they would call you a spiritual danger if you were actively trying to show your wife why the WT is wrong. Were you planning on actively engaging your wife on WT matters in addition to just passively distancing yourself from certain individuals? If so, are you able to articulate why you would engage her - what you hope to accomplish? Having battled this for 30 years, I'm sure you've gone over it many times, but I'm just curious - partially for myself because I struggle with how & why I should try to communicate with my JW friend.

  I ruminated on your questions overnight, InterestedOne. Yes, I am actively trying to engage my wife in a conversation but it is very much like pulling teeth. When I make a point that is devastating to her perception of the WTBTS the blinders go up. I have seen first hand what cognitive dissonance means, and it is an amazing, remarkable and frighteningly real phenomenon. What I hope to accomplish is really very simple. I want to get her the hell out of the Watchtower. If you are struggling with why you should try to communicate with your friend, I might suggest it is because you are not sufficiently knowledgeable about how the Watchtower destroys people or convinced that it does. I wasn't for a long time, either. It is only when it got personal that it hit home.
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  24

  The first Jehovah's Witness I ever met is now my wife.

  by wyorobert in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  our story like many of yours is way too crazy and long to tell.

  the short version is that i was crazy about my wife from the minute i met her.

  she seemed to like me and before we had time to think about anything, she left her husband and religion and moved in with me.

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  Nickolas

  I'm with Black Sheep. Opposite story. You'll find both our stories and others here:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/207583/1/Mixed-marriages-JW-non-JW-what-makes-you-stay

  welcome to the board.

  I am not even a Jehovah's Witness nonetheless I seem to be a prisoner of the Watchtower Society.

  You're in good company, rocky528.
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  43

  Mixed marriages - JW/non-JW - what makes you stay?

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know a woman, became a wife .

  these are the very words she uses to describe her life .

  she said a good day, ain't got no rain .

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  Nickolas

  Thank you, alias. I agree completely, so long as the partners in a relationship respect one another's differences and make accomodations for them it will work out. It is only when there is an irreconcilable issue at play that things become more complicated.
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  34

  Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a request.

  if you are/were not an elder and wish to comment, by all means do so, but please preface your comment accordingly.

  if you are posing as an elder, please, please refrain from responding lest you inadvertantly do some damage.. i have been provided hypothetical consequences from the membership at large, now request the answer from a position of authority.. the question.. if the elders in my wife's congregation should decide that i have become a spiritual danger to her, how would they advise her?

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  Nickolas

  you've got it, wasblind.

  I am beginning to understand better the extent to which you've been burned, OUTLAW.

  I've covered a lot of ground in three decades, InterestedOne, but not especially well.

  good night.
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  34

  Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a request.

  if you are/were not an elder and wish to comment, by all means do so, but please preface your comment accordingly.

  if you are posing as an elder, please, please refrain from responding lest you inadvertantly do some damage.. i have been provided hypothetical consequences from the membership at large, now request the answer from a position of authority.. the question.. if the elders in my wife's congregation should decide that i have become a spiritual danger to her, how would they advise her?

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  Nickolas

  Could it be that if it wasn't the WT it would have been something else?

  It would have been absolutely wonderful.

  Good luck, I will pray for you both right as soon as I finish typing this.

  That's great, thanks, Ray.

  Thank you, wasblind. Truth is important to me, too, and so are my principles. My wife is shunning her nephew. Her brother and SIL are shunning their son. My nephews are shunning their brother. This is intolerable to me. I was brought up to believe that family is everything and you never turn your back on them, so this has become the straw.
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  20

  How do Smart people create so much STUPID??

  by Terry in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  looking back on my life i just have to wonder: what was i thinking?!.

  how did i get involved with a religious cult in the first place???.

  i am embarassed, frankly!.

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  Nickolas

  I equate smart with maturity and experience. The more mature you are, the fewer stupid mistakes you make. When I was 12 I thought 8 was immature and more prone to do stupid things and I was, of course, right. The only thing is I also thought my parents were stupid in which case I was, of course, wrong. The older you get, the more experienced you become and the less stupid you are. Yeah, I know there are exceptions but those people are just extraordinarily stupid. To quote Mark Twain:

  "When I was 18, I left home knowing my Father was a stupid man who knew nothing of the world; then when I returned at age 21 and sat down and talked with my Father, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years..." Then there's experience. Some people have to repeat grade 5 two or even three times before they have the requisite experience to advance. You could uncharitably call such children stupid but unless they've got a legitimate learning disorder or domestic problems your comment might not be too far off the mark. I think this circumstance is genuinely rare. I have met very, very few truly stupid people.

  So what's left are the cards you're dealt. You, my friend, have been dealt some really shitty hands. Nothing to do with your gray matter. Everything to do with probability theory.
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  34

  Seeking counsel from active or former Elders / COs / DOs

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a request.

  if you are/were not an elder and wish to comment, by all means do so, but please preface your comment accordingly.

  if you are posing as an elder, please, please refrain from responding lest you inadvertantly do some damage.. i have been provided hypothetical consequences from the membership at large, now request the answer from a position of authority.. the question.. if the elders in my wife's congregation should decide that i have become a spiritual danger to her, how would they advise her?

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  Nickolas

  I've heard you loud and clear, OUTLAW, and I know it to be true. These same people are shunning their son/brother. I'm nothing in comparison.

  Just speak your mind to your Mrs..That should get the elephant out of the room..

  Ultimately your going to have to Agree,to Disagree..

  We talk about the elephant from time to time. She knows how I feel. By ratcheting up I'm referring to further distancing myself from the Watchtower, including her friends and some of her family.

  metatron, I'm not a JW. My wife became one (33 years ago) after we were married (37+ years ago). I've been battling this thing since. Thanks for your advice, but does it now change?
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  43

  Mixed marriages - JW/non-JW - what makes you stay?

  by Nickolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know a woman, became a wife .

  these are the very words she uses to describe her life .

  she said a good day, ain't got no rain .

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  Nickolas

  before I got baptised

  clarification, before I could decide to get baptised. It never happened. Ours is not an apostate situation.