hi,
i really enjoyed reading your story. it reminds me a bit of mine, but with the difference that i was not a born in.
like you said, when i wake up in the morning and feel my body, how unbelivably wondeful its been constructed, or the earth rotating with an exact precision in the universe....there are no words to describe all of it. i´m so thankful that jehovah gave us these gifts. i really do love him.
but on the other hand i have an addiction problem, and i like the occasional party with lots of booze. i´m trying to reduce all of it a lot, and i have managed this year to cut it down a lot. but i know its just a matter of time when i´ll be sitting in a bar or disco, and be canning myself. of course, i know in advance, that the upcomong regration will follow, and i´ll be praying for forgiveness, but i just can´t find the strength to live like a monk from tibet or whatever.
so there´s me, thinking constantly what´s the best thing to do. believe it or not, i even considered the thought of doing jw type of stuff without the wts! even going preaching and stuff!i know it sounds weird, but i have to face the fact, that my addiction and the love of an occasional party, has a huge power over myself.
apart from that. i´m a male in my midforties. going back would also mean staying a single for the rest of this life or system. i´ve been df´d twice before. so which young sister in her right mind would want to spend her life with me with such a record? so going back, would be very tough for me, although i still believe in jehovah and the bible.