by headisspinning 92 Replies latest jw friends
I'd like to hear from anyone who was disfellowshipped but fully intended to go back as soon as possible and how that worked out or didn't. I'd like to hear how soon you went back to meetings, how many letters requesting reinstatement you wrote, how you were treated, and how long it took you to get bitter and jaded.... or in the off chance you had a positive experience, what exactly happened.
Really struggling here... Thanks!
be patient, did you wait for one year before you requested for reinstatement?
Yes. We were disfellowshipped in 2009 for adultery. Since then we have 'set matters straight' and are married with a 7 month old baby. We did our best to attend meetings but it has been challenging with a baby of course. When we requested reinstatement the brothers came to meet with us but didn't even take their coats off. They just said it was 'too soon' and could take 'years and years'. It was pretty obvious that one of the elders had a personal issue with my husband.
After a lot of thought I wrote that elder a letter explaining some background information. My husband was severely abused as a child and he is only recovering the memories now. He's in therapy but is a real mess so that really impacts his life and meeting attendance is affected because he has terrible anxiety and panic attacks.
Anyway, my letter was ignored. So I recently wrote another letter to one of the other elders trying to get some sort of understanding from them. No reply so far but I'm trying to be patient.
My nephew was DFed 5 yrs ago. He didn't like that none of his friends would speak to him so he got a copy of the Elder's secret book and read up on what the elders were expecting. He wrote a letter requesting to be reinstated after about 6 months. They denied his request. He had to wait and he wrote another letter a year after being DFed. That time they finally let him back in. He did go to most of the meetings during that time and sat at the back of the hall like a good little sheep.
I would point out that while he was DFed he did read Crisis of Conscience and everything else he could about the organization so he knew it was not the "Truth". He was just playing their game. He did finally get reinstated and went to a couple meetings but then started missing most meetings. His JW friends talked to him again and that is all he wanted in the first place. Against the elders' wishes he went to medical school and is doing great and now has a beautiful 'worldly' girlfriend. He attends assemblies occasionally but he rarely attends any regular meetings.
Fastest reinstatment I've ever personally seen was about 8 months, although I have heard of some as short as 6 months.
The victim didn't miss any meetings right off the bat. Never made any waves. Always had her WT materials underlined in very visible highlighter ink. Turned in a "thank you" letter to the elders right off the bat letting them know she appreciated the spiritual discipline and was going to do her very best to restore her damaged relationship with Jehovah. Turned in a letter requesting reinstatment at 3 months. Was told to keep up the good work but continue to be patient. Turned in another letter around 6 months. Reinstated at around 8 months.
She seemed very sincere and cut to the heart.
I think an average time span if a person is sincerely trying to make a comeback, stays visible and maintains good communication with the elders and doesn't make ANY kind of excuses is probably 12-18 months.
As Farkel says: "It's all Bible Based" (tm).
om
I know you don't want to hear this, I just looked up your other thread and remember it now, but:
IT IS A CULT
They will step all over you until they have extracted their pound of flesh. Until they are satisfied that they have done that, you will be scum of the earth in their eyes.
it depends on the cong, and/or the b.o.e., and also what the course of disfollowmentship was. from my expirience, it can take only 3 months. but there again, a different cong might treat the same insidence in a different way. and it´take a year or so.
writing letters is a waste of time though. even if you had all the evidences in the world, so what? elders are no pychologists or professional judges, are they?
Geez... I'm really bad at playing these 'games'... it infuriates me that it's basically being reduced to that... A Game.
I feel guilty for even saying this but when we do attend I go over the WT and circle all the scriptures and then quickly underline the answers and scrawl a few scriptures in the columns... then I go through his magazine and do the same thing. What am I being reduced to?
But lately he has had to take double his anxiety medication just to get out the door and it's just not worth it. So, I don't really know what to do. I'm not going to put that kind of stress on him, when he's already dealing with all these abuse issues. I'm not going to leave him with the baby and go myself. And I'm not a total idiot... I am not going to try to take the baby to the meeting myself and end up in the mother's room the entire time just to play this stupid GAME.
Where do these rules for reinstatement even come from anyway? I can sort of get where the disfellowshipping arrangement comes from but for reinstatement if you clean up your life and stop the 'sinful' practices, then WTF? What about the prodigal son? His father welcomed him back and held a huge feast!
or in the off chance you had a positive experience, what exactly happened
I would love to share my positive experience with you. After being disfellowshipped for about 2 years I realized that I wanted nothing more to do with this religion and moved on with my life. It was the best and most positive decision I've ever made.
Where do these rules for reinstatement even come from anyway?
It is a cult. The leaders of the cult make the rules.
What about the prodigal son?
It is a cult, Jesus and the bible doesn't mean a thing to them unless it strengthens their position somehow.
His father welcomed him back and held a huge feast!
But they won't even clap for you if/when you get reinstated.
