Posts by confuzzled777

29

Do Ex-JWs have reason to be disgruntled?

by sabastious in

everytime i have ever told an active jw about this forum and described it's designation they all, in essence, say the same thing.. they say that we are nitpickers, that we are all just rubbed the wrong way and can't get out of the state of disgruntlement that we have allowed ourselves to enter.

some throw in supernatural elements some just stick to human imperfection and call it murmurings.. these kind of assertions highly imply that our anger is exaggerated or misguided; that we don't have all facts and are drawing highly speculative conclusions.. as participants on this forum how do you refute such a claim?.

my first thought would be to point out that "murmurings" is what created the watchtower to start with.

confuzzled777

mad sweeney......for as much as one tries to little by little tweak the cognitive dissonance of a JW, the WTS warns them of that very thing on a very regular basis so as to always have their guard up against that kind of tweaking. We hear it over and over again......warnings about thinking like that of the world. Being told that Satan is very sly and if you let your guard down for a moment he can mislead you and put doubt in your mind. So the walls are built and the guard is always up.

On the night that they told me they were going to df me, I actually blamed my heart condition on my being disfellowshipped. I said that Jehovah read my heart and knew that I needed dicipline in order to appreciate him and the org. I even had family (not mine) that told me that Jehovah diciplines those he loves and that he must REALLY love me. For a while I believed it. I was in denial. I let it define me for a time. But eventually I realized that I was still the same person, I had not changed. they were trying to make out to be someone that I was NOT. REALITY SET IN......then the doubt......

SO hard to break down the walls of JW's.......but as you stated, maybe if you chisel away bit by bit, those walls just might start to come down and one might be more receptive to different thinking. Not an easy task as you stated.

5

Nice Article by mormon woman

by maninthemiddle in

jw
friends

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/09/fashion/09modern.html?_r=1.

being male, i cannot relate to all of this, but i do draw a lot of parrallels to the jws.. one quote:.

so why wasnt i dating mormon men?

confuzzled777

thanks for sharing.....very moving!

51

New Board members within the last 1 year.....

by stuckinamovement in

jw
friends

i can't believe the amount of new posters this board is getting.

it seems as if every day there are at least 2 to 3.. if you are a new poster, what made you decide to stop lurking and start posting?

how many of us are there that have joined in the last year?.

confuzzled777

I think I have been a member and posting for about 3 months? I started lurking about maybe 5-6 months ago. I stated in another post that I found this board about a year and a half ago but was still "in". But it was not until recently that I came back wtih a different mindset. I guess I was looking for more like me whom were wronged or unjustly df'd. Boy what I found was WAY more than I imagined.

I like this group......I find myself talking outloud and agreeing with posters, or needing to grab a kleenex as I read about someone else's trials or experiences, or just plain laughing outloud at the fun bantor that goes between group members at times. Much better than watching tv if you ask me! lol

29

Do Ex-JWs have reason to be disgruntled?

by sabastious in

everytime i have ever told an active jw about this forum and described it's designation they all, in essence, say the same thing.. they say that we are nitpickers, that we are all just rubbed the wrong way and can't get out of the state of disgruntlement that we have allowed ourselves to enter.

some throw in supernatural elements some just stick to human imperfection and call it murmurings.. these kind of assertions highly imply that our anger is exaggerated or misguided; that we don't have all facts and are drawing highly speculative conclusions.. as participants on this forum how do you refute such a claim?.

my first thought would be to point out that "murmurings" is what created the watchtower to start with.

confuzzled777

It would be difficult if not next to impossible to refute it with someone who has never been wronged by the WTS.

I came across this group about a year and a half ago and read through a handful of posts. I could not believe the hate that some members of the group had towards the witnesses. At the time, it strengthened my faith and I was thankful to still be a part of the WTS. Just being straight up here.

Fast forward 1 year after being unjustly df'd for 6 months. Coming to this board with a different perspective has actually helped me in the healing process. Being judged by 7 men who did not know me and deemed me unworthy to be called one of Jehovah's Witnesses has allowed me to come to this board and not only see the pain but to also feel the pain that so many others have endured by association of the WTS. It has allowed me to understand WHY so many have left and why feelings are so very real and still raw.

If all is rosy with a JW, then they will NEVER understand why..... and you won't be able to refute it.

just my observation.....

75

On A Scale Of 1 to 10 How Would You Rate Your Looks?

by minimus in

jw
friends

be honest.. .

confuzzled777

Make-up or no make-up? Short hair or long hair? After losing 20 lbs or before? Side profile or straight on? Depends I guess.....

Let's say with make-up, long hair, 35lbs lost (20 down, 15 more to go), and straight on.....8?

No make-up, short hair, 20lbs heavier and side profile.....6? lol

So, right now I would be a 7.....with make-up, short hair and 20lbs lost, straight on.

That is how I would rate myself.....some may rate me higher.....some might rate me lower......just saying! lol

20

30 hour Aux. Pio?

by life is to short in

maybe there has already been a thread on this.

billy the ex bethelite just mentioned this in one of his posts that it will be read this coming sunday.

just wondering if this is true.

confuzzled777

Almost 4 years ago I aux. pioneered for 5 months straight and had to get 50 hours a month. I made SURE that I got ALL 50 hours in each month. This was a signed promise to Jehovah that I took very seriously. Why bother committing to it if I was not going to make it?

I hated it when they read my name of each month that I signed up for. I did not want to be praised for something that I was doing out of my love for Jehovah.....NOT to be recognized by the congregation. I was told that if I just checked the little box to regular aux. each month that they would no longer announce it from the stage each month. BUT I did not want to commit to something that I was not sure I could follow through with. It was hard enough filling out that form each month as it was.

Fast forward 1 year and I signed up again for 1 month this time. I ended up sick, had a death in the family that I had to contend with and barely made 30 hours. I was SO upset and disappointed in myself for not following through with my committment that I never signed up again. After that I had a hard time even making my 10 hours in each month.

30 hours in the month of April sounds like they are trying to recruit MORE to sign up by decreasing the hours and making it more doable for some who may not sign up otherwise. What ever works, I guess.

77

I told my daughter I was leaving "the truth" this weekend.

by whathappened in

jw
friends

last week, i told you i was going to tell my daughter that i was leaving the truth this weekend and you all gave me sound advice.

but, i cannot keep a secret this heavy from the person i love most on this earth, my only daughter, who is beautiful inside and out.. well, i have always had an open and honest relationship with my daughter, and i guess it paid off.

this weekend i visited my daughter (who lives in another state) and i told her i was leaving "the truth.

confuzzled777

I just ditto everyone else's comments.....you went into this informed and prepared and did it in a loving way. Thanks for letting us know not only that you talked to her but what information you presented to her.

42

The Power of Prayer......Do you believe in it?

by confuzzled777 in

my sil has been fighting stage iv leiomyosarcoma (which in incurable) for over 2 years now.

there have been quite a few ups and downs in her treatments and her prognosis along with way.

she is a full time pioneer and has been since shortly after her diagnosis.

confuzzled777

ROFL streets76 thanks for the giggle.....

42

The Power of Prayer......Do you believe in it?

by confuzzled777 in

my sil has been fighting stage iv leiomyosarcoma (which in incurable) for over 2 years now.

there have been quite a few ups and downs in her treatments and her prognosis along with way.

she is a full time pioneer and has been since shortly after her diagnosis.

confuzzled777

elder-schmelder thanks for sharing the study with me.....interesting read! I will pass this on to my sis as we often have this discussion.

brotherdan, all i have to say is you made me sob. thank you for your heartfelt response. my mom and dh have both encouraged me to just pick up a bible. no matter which translation and start reading in Genesis. take away the wts micromanagement and get to the "core" beliefs of the bible. something that I have been unable to do because i carry so much resentment for the way i was treated. not only my own unloving treatment but that of the others involved in the same situation/group. how could these men who are supposed to be appointed by god sit in the house of god and treat us so bad? left a bad taste in my mouth. after being kicked out, having my friends and family in the cong. taken away and having a title of jw being ripped from me was devasting. who was i without being one of Jehovah's Witnesses? who really is Jehovah with out being a witness for him? Good to know that I am not the only one who has experienced these questions and thoughts.

anyhoo, i will find a translation that I am comfortable with and open it. i love the new international version that Chalam has been quoting from. who knows......

leavingwt thanks for the thread.......very upbuilding read.

8

Do you notice a difference in new relationships out of 'the truth'?

by New light for you in

jw
friends

its 3 years since i (we) left, we somehow didn't have a committee or anything, but were able to leave with no friends, but still able to have contact with my jw mom.

in these 3 years of "learing" how to get and have friends that aren't witnesses its been quite the learning curve.

how do you meet people?

confuzzled777

We have always had friends "inside" and "out". My BFF and I met at work 19 years ago. We have been in and out of each others lives over the years, but always had a connection. Since she lost her mom 3 years ago and I was df'd 1 year ago we have become inseperable. She truly loves me unconditionally as a friend and I the same for her. I NEVER had a connection like that with my witness friends.

I know where you are coming from with your friends in the org. Especially if you never felt like you had to find friends elsewhere. Being disfellowshipped though I have to say that my warm and fuzzy feeling toward my witness friends is not there as it used to be. Do I miss them? Yep sometimes so bad it hurts! Can I live without them? You bet!! My "close" witness friends have not even so much as texted me or e-mailed me to find out how I am doing......Yes I know it is because they think they are doing it out of love for me......but come on. I must not have meant as much to them as I thought.

Personally, I have found making friends who are not witnesses is actually MUCH easier. I know that from the beginning I will not be judged if I swear, miss a meeting or don't make my 10 hours in the service. We have open discussions about religion, politics, kids, and relationships without being worried as to whether or not we will offend each other because we think differently on a certain subject, especially religion. I can have a drink with them without fear of being turned in for excessive drinking, I can go to a rated R movie with them and be fine with it. SO many reasons that I find my non witness friends SO much better than my witness friends.

We have met most of our non witness friends over the years through work or through my DH's brother and his now x-wife. Most recently I have met some AMAZING women through scrapbooking/paper crafting. When I was df'd I poured myself into my hobby/small business and attended/held more crops, workshops and monthly groups. I now have lifelong friends from it.

Have you ever heard of Meetup.com? I am not sure how widespread it is, but I ran across it and set up my own scrapbook group. I have met and become good friends with quite a few from that group. We started out going to crops together and now we have "girls" days where we see a movie and go have dinner and drinks after. Something that I RARELY did with the witness friends in the cong. Was not usually included in that kind of stuff. Meetup as MANY different groups that meet because of a common thread. Maybe you could search out something like that near you.

I wish you the best in your search for friendships......it can be heartbreaking at times but mostly rewarding. Hang in there......