for those who have been there you cant explain it to those who have not, when my mother died, and that was the hardest thing that I have ever went through, I can remember an elder sitting down with us [her four boys] and asking what her fav, scriptures were, and things like the new world order coming was she looking forward to? I so wanted to say SCREW YOU ASS HOLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER, they never take the time to get to know any one out side of their click, and even then the click is always on their best guard to never say how they feel, can you say BIG BROTHER!!! IS WATCHING!!,
My mother was looking forward to a book convention, [she was a published writer, had 4 novels published,] no she was not rich, when you are a romance writer you are not paid much, I think she only got 2 or 3k per book. but she loved romance novels, and would read them in secret,you know how the society is about romance novels and soap's so she is published under the name Kathleen Suzan. I have seen her book in wal-mart and some times I brings back the whole thing again.
But to the point, my mothers funeral was a sham, and I shut my mouth to keep the peace, because that is the way my mother was, any thing to keep the peace, like most mothers. When the elder gave the talk, I was sick with the Kathy loved the society and looked forward to the new system, as we all do, this world is passing away, and is so evil, blablablablablabla
Nothing about that she was so looking forward to going to a book signing in neb. or that she loved writing her books. That was her greatest passion, from the talk you would think she was pioneering the new 80 hour service week. She planned to leave the cult as soon as my grandfather passed away, she did not want to have him go alone to meetings.
Always the good daughter trying to keep the peace, and in the end it killed her. she had congestive heart failure.
The crux of the matter is that the society sucks the joy, and even the dam grief from your life. can you imagine the grief. there is not to many religions that do that, scientology is the only one off hand I can think of.
Any way I have had it with this crap. and I cant go. I have thought about it and I know I will be a shit to some people, but so what. I don't talk to those people any way.