Posts by LittleMac

during our first year out together, we had so much to share and to have in common, the enemy of the organization now, birthday parties galore, going out and making friends with people.

Thank you, I know. It's probably the case. Right now all of her close friends are single and everything is moving in that direction. I have hurt feelings about the change in interactions and can't help but feeling like I'm sponsoring a paid vacation from about half the effort she should be putting into the household but I'm at the point where I don't know what's reasonable to ask for myself because I've caused some hurt too.

18

We're both out 2 years now- crossroads

by LittleMac in

jw
friends

this is a personal post, so be warned!

this is what leads me to post today.

during our first year out together, we had so much to share and to have in common, the enemy of the organization now, birthday parties galore, going out and making friends with people.

LittleMac

Thank you 00Dad, Dazed, and jgnat!

Some good advice jgnat and hearing your experiences guys is encouraging. (see? all those phrases stick around, haha.)

Yeah, it's difficult right now. Of the entire family- 8 people, amazingly all came out within a year of each other..ours is only 1 of 2 marriages still

together.

So..it's been a tidal wave of change within our personal arena.

18

We're both out 2 years now- crossroads

by LittleMac in

jw
friends

this is a personal post, so be warned!

this is what leads me to post today.

during our first year out together, we had so much to share and to have in common, the enemy of the organization now, birthday parties galore, going out and making friends with people.

LittleMac

Hi there all,

This is a personal post, so be warned! It'a something that I've been needing to get off my chest and at the same time may be useful to others who are just coming out. I was raised as a JW nearly my entire life, from the time I was in about first grade until just two years ago, around Christmastime when I had just turned 37. I was the oldest of six children in a very serious Witness household, true believers. I was also separated from my birth mother and her family after I was about 5 and I wouldn't see her again until 25. Due to an extremist way of viewing relationships and supported by the JW backing as well. So, I always felt a lot of underlying anger at the situation I had in life, why was I picked to walk this impossibly perfect way of life as a witness? Because during all of those adolescent years I was not allowed to do the things that my entire being wanted to do. i.e. date girls, go to parties, play competitive sports, etc.. I covered it all up most of the time with very excellent talks, good comments, and exemplary status with everyone we knew. So, this good rapport with everyone we knew put me in good stead for 'Jehovah' to provide a wife..so I married one of my sister's friends from the hall who was seven years younger than me. The first relationship for either of us and amazingly we've been able to stay married for nearly 14 years now with two young children.

This is what leads me to post today. During our first year out together, we had so much to share and to have in common, the enemy of the organization now, birthday parties galore, going out and making friends with people. The first year out was pure fun both inside and outside our house. Going out, discovering people and learning a smidgen about how relationships and friendships work. Now, the second year has been a little more challenging, for me I've had to wrestle with real questions about who I am, what do I want in life, and so on. I felt like in many ways I'm still operating from the old playbook of being a good dad, responsible for everything in my world, fixing everything, and being the sole provider at home like I always thought was the 'way it should be'. The whole male/female dynamic is nothing like what I ever thought it was. I tried so hard to be the 'good family head' and believing that it was supposed to be like that and now learning how to be partners. Like my own father who tried to keep our family insulated against 'bad influences' that was basically the model I've been trying to follow for the first 12 years of marriage and taking care of children and now there's almost a backlash against anything 'unforward' thinking. So pretty much everything is called into question as far as rules, it seems.

Now, we both are realizing that we are growing at two different speeds..me not so much (imo) and she developing more than I was ever comfortable or prepared for to be honest, and I am happy for her on one hand, which makes me question is it really love because if I truly love her then I'll be happy for her no matter what, but at the same time it's such a close area of my life and with each change I feel more and more apart inside from the sense of well being that I used to have. Physically, we're in the same house but we're separated and at a real crossroads in our relationship. Basically, if it is going to work it can't go back the way it was. We're both agreeable that we may not come back from it and it's almost a relief to say that to each other but in the meantime it is what it is. Which is not the comfortable life we both had for this long. But it seems easier for her to change and adapt and that's a difficult thing to be cool with for me. I'm taking some time to really find myself (if that's even possible). I just want to find a sense of peace and calm so I can get my enthusiasm back for the simple things.

I was wondering if any people out there are or have experienced something similar, and if not it really feels good to get this out of my mind and into words.

Thanks

41

does anyone feel messed up sexually because of being brought up as jw? like you have missed out, etc?

by johnjones3210 in

hiya,.

i'm new to this forum but just wanted to talk to somebody about this.. i was brought up as a jw and left just over a year ago.

i'm now 26 and feel messed up sexually.

LittleMac

You're not alone. Had to check in because this rang true with me. Born-in, married at 26. Had blinders on to doing anything 'untowards' with any girl growing up, definitely have struggled with the repression into my own relationship. However, we both left the WT two years ago on the same page in life, we got closer than ever, feeling free to openly discuss sex for starters.. but now dealing with some evolving issues.

I think you can spend too much time researching and analyzing yourself. There is a lot of information out there to check out, thankfully. Youtube, Kindle book searches, read samples for free, Psychology today online magazine are some I've been spending a lot of time looking at lately. A lot more information than time. It's good to balance-out with doing things that are productive even if it's washing the car, cleaning the house, or going out with friends. Really those things are wonderfully helpful to balance out your life.

I wish you the best and congrats for coming out of the WT!

73

Thoughts on turning 65 today

by Terry in

jw
friends

today is my 65th birthday.. chances are you have no idea what that means.. would you like to know?

turning 65 can only be described using these two words:.

the first: anagnorisis the moment of critical discovery; the discovery of one's own identity or true character.

LittleMac

Happy Birthday, and thanks for sharing your distilled wisdom if I may?

I'm 38 and reached that first critical moment only 18 mos. ago to leave the WTS and face life outside the "spiritual paradise", but since then there have been several other critical stages I would say, rather than moments that I'm going through currently. In my quasi-sleep stage at night I'll think back to the past and try and look to the future at myself in a way to maybe "fix" what I've missed out on back there and my mind races to the future for some reason, I think because it's checking to see if I've got enough time to live and correct the mistakes. Well, I finally decided to not be so time conscious in the worrying sense and just be honest with myself with what it is that I want in life. Deciding what we want and then asking for it is the hardest part I believe.

Thanks, I really could relate to what you said about being wrong about knowing yourself- or wrong in advance- as you put it. That was great :) very comforting to me! I will try new things.

Take care.

23

On being born in and celebrating Birthdays

by baltar447 in

jw
friends

so i'm in my mid 30s and about to have a birthday next month.

was putting together a very modest wish list and just broke down crying.

i was in tears.

LittleMac

Baltar,

It's amazing isn't it? I really feel for you and am happy for you as well. This past October, at 38, I had my first real party since my 5th birthday, and it was a little overwhelming. It makes you want to cry when you think that these people are here just to see you because you were born on this date. No other reason than because they like you and they want to be there for you. You don't have to be anything or do anything else to have friends. The cake and singing happy birthday mean so much now that it isn't something to look down on. It can be allowed into your life and enjoyed.

I hope you get what's on your wish list!!

Little Mac

98

Hilarious picture in April 15th 2012 WT

by Mickey mouse in

.

LittleMac

Oh mercy...been laughing for 5 minutes straight.

Looks like it should be a Mad magazine fold-in picture.