headisspinning

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Posts by headisspinning

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  64

  Hello..this is my story..

  by Lozhasleft in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm pleased to have found this site...i've browsed a little ...read quite a lot and gasped at some stories, giggled at the one liners and nodded in recognition of others' strong opinions and can relate to a great deal.. i'll try and keep my intro as brief as possible for anyone kind enough to listen.. i got involved with the witnesses in the late 70's in the uk.

  i was in my early 20s and had had a love and fascination for the bible since my difficult childhood.

  i soon brought my life into 'line' although it took a long time for me to pack up the smoking which didnt go down well in those days when 6 months of study should have been enough and if you hadnt cracked it then it was suggested that you were some kind of loser.... i reared my 4 children in the 'truth' as well as i could but i cant claim that we were a 'strong' family in their terms...just muddled along really..my husband at the time was a very difficult and abusive man and home life wasnt easy for any of us with his anger, jealousy and violence.

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  headisspinning

  Hi Loz...

  I just read your story. Wow! You have certainly been through a lot. I'm happy to see you landed on your feet!
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  41

  The Loving Disfellowshipping Arrangement

  by headisspinning in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  my youngest sister is the only person in my jw family who has had any real contact with my husband and i and our baby.

  for the first year she cut us off too but then after a while she seemed to realize how horrible it was and she opened up to us.. well, she is very easily influenced by the family and so she cut us off again.

  she tried to feed me the line about it being for our own good blah, blah, blah.. here is an excerpt from how i replied:.

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  headisspinning

  To Broken Promises - I totally agree that what happened was very scandalous and I by no means am belittling the pain that we caused by our actions. Maybe I don't talk about the guilt that we feel enough on this board. We fully acknowledge our guilt and that's a big reason why both of us allowed our exes to have the upper hand but looking back it might have been the worst thing we could do.

  And just to clarify - my ex and I had been separated and living apart for two years before I got involved with my present husband. The kids had adjusted to us being apart and were comfortably living 50% of the time with both of us. I know that doesn't make the whole adultery thing less wrong from a congregation point of view and it definitely put his family through hell, but I just wanted to be clear about that.

  To Mamalove - I know the way we handled things was far less than ideal. It was very difficult to figure out what to do. The one thing we didn't want to do is sneak around and lie about what was going on and carry on an affair for months or years. Once my husband told his ex what had happened the situation was like a runaway train. I'm telling you from the moment she found out until she forced him to face the kids and tell them he had committed adultery was a matter of 10 minutes. Everything spiralled from there. Looking back I think there must have been a better way to approach the situation. In an ideal world, we would have done the "right" thing and never committed adultery to begin with. But like you said, we cannot change the past.

  And finally, to Mad Sweeney - We really could care less about getting any so-called JW friends back. It's only the kids and possibly my family at this point (although the latter is becoming less and less attractive as time passes).

  Oh and my husband is here! He is a lurker and I told him it's time to come out of the shadows! He is right with me on this journey of discovery. We are both very shaken by what we are learning. It's to the point that we can't even pray right now because we don't even know what to say. Shaking off the shackles that have controlled us for our entire lives is going to be a long process. I really have to pace myself because it is really quite painful. I already went to see my therapist and talked all of this through with him and I am going to be seeing a lot more of him over the next months. He is the one who helped me to overcome a lot of my black and white, judgmental thinking and see the shades of grey. That has been immensely helpful to me.

  In addition I have two 'worldly' friends who have known me for years. My one friend knows me from way back in my first marriage and she has seen the hell we went through being trapped in a loveless marriage. She actually did a lot of research on JWs and is just so relieved that I am finally seeing the truth. Then my other friend is someone who was in an 18 year relationship with an ex-JW who left the religion because he is gay. He has also been so supportive and fully understands what has happened and supports me fully. They have never wavered in their love.
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  41

  The Loving Disfellowshipping Arrangement

  by headisspinning in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  my youngest sister is the only person in my jw family who has had any real contact with my husband and i and our baby.

  for the first year she cut us off too but then after a while she seemed to realize how horrible it was and she opened up to us.. well, she is very easily influenced by the family and so she cut us off again.

  she tried to feed me the line about it being for our own good blah, blah, blah.. here is an excerpt from how i replied:.

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  headisspinning

  Thank you Jamie. I had not idea about a 'guardian ad litem'. That is a wonderful suggestion. That's what the kids need.

  My husband and I wrote a letter to his ex... well to be honest... I wrote it and he is going to 'massage' it a little to make it sound more like it's coming from him. But, he wanted to appeal to her directly before we get 'nasty' (which is really not nasty, just means getting a lawyer)... but you can only imagine how the JWs will twist it.

  As for my bully of an ex... I am so scared of hurting the kids. They told me they were open to working towards coming back her half the time this summer. But once I mentioned it to my ex all hell broke lose. I don't know what he said to them - all I know is that both of them were sobbing - when I talked to them next they just begged me to not talk about it anymore. There was no pressure or any tension at all when I talked to them here. I don't know what happened... Well, except that I do... he manipulated and terrified them.

  My ex is a force to be dealt with.

  He has it worked out so that between child support and handouts from the government he is getting $1000 a month. If the kids need clothes he goes to my sisters with a sob story about how they don't have a mother and he gets clothes for them that way. It's just sick because 80% of the clothes my children are wearing are from us. My kids get bathed when they are here. My sister paid to get my daughter's hair cut. I paid for her highlights. I pay for her cell phone and I also bought by son's PS3 and again, about 80% of his games. My ex is milking the situation resulting from my disfellowshipping for all it's worth. Just the same and my husband's ex is doing...

  All in the name of the Lord.

  Nice, hey?
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  12

  When there are to many medications in the house.....

  by Quentin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to health issuse my wife, myself and daughter take medications.

  my wife kathy takes about 12, the daughter 6 or 7. i have 15 meds to take in a days time.

  all of them are kept seperate in a lock box to which kathy has the key.

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  headisspinning

  Taking ONE or TWO Oxys is not going to do any damage. Just chill.
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  12

  When there are to many medications in the house.....

  by Quentin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to health issuse my wife, myself and daughter take medications.

  my wife kathy takes about 12, the daughter 6 or 7. i have 15 meds to take in a days time.

  all of them are kept seperate in a lock box to which kathy has the key.

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  headisspinning

  Hey Quentin...

  Just sleep it off. You'll be okay.

  Unless you did this on purpose...

  Or, heaven forbid, overdosed and this is a cry for help.

  I know that Oxy and Hydrocondon are very dangerous because my sister was on both.

  PM me if you need to talk.

  :)
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  52

  what was the worst meeting you ever attended ?

  by man in black in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  here's mine :.

  back in the early 90's we went to the sunday talk and wt study.. lo and behold, a friend from the 70's who was df'ed ( he had just been reinstated) was there along with his parents.

  i had no idea that they would have been there.. one of my kids was getting sick, so my wife and i were up-down the entire meeting walking him around.

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  headisspinning

  The worst meeting I attended was right after I had gone to the elders and told them I had kissed a guy when I was still only separated from my husband... (although it had been almost two years that we had been apart). The elders took their time meeting with me after I confessed.

  We had the C.O. visit that week. He gave a talk and vehemently condemned as treacherous anyone who would do such a thing. I was in total shock and stabbed to the heart. I couldn't believe the elders would tell the C.O. and he would work it into his talk!

  I ended up sobbing hysterically in the washroom. I was devastated and was going to have the words "TREACHEROUS" tattooed across my chest!

  When the elders met with me and I told them how I felt they assured me they had done no such thing and had disclosed nothing.

  But for me that was the most devastating meeting ever. I had already sobbed on the floor begging Jehovah for forgiveness just the day previous to the meeting.

  Looking back, it was probably a coincidence... at least I'm choosing to believe that... but it was just the most sickening feeling, hearing those words come out of the C.O's mouth.
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  40

  JW suicide vs Non-JW suicide

  by Nosferatu in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this is a bit of a spinoff of these two threads:.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/61698/1.ashx.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/69308/1.ashx.

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  headisspinning

  This is very interesting to me because I recently had this discussion with my sister.

  She has attempted suicide twice.

  I have attempted suicide twice.

  My ex husband attempted suicide at age 14.

  One of my good friends from my teens overdosed on Tylenol but survived.

  Another good friend committed suicide about four years ago.

  Another childhood friend's brother just committed suicide about a month ago.

  And there was a young boy while we were in our teens who committed suicide as well.

  ALL JWs or were disfellowshipped.

  NON-JWs: 3
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  1

  kids nd goin from no part of the world to part of it

  by serein in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  how has it been for all u lot as kids growing up?did some of u get kept in and only alowed to play with jw kids or did u get home educated and had no mates nd only jws at hall,were anyone sneeks and played out hung out what ever with worldies without parents knowing,do any of u find it hard now ur fams out making freinds, do any of u parents feel gulity or do ur kids still stay at home wont play wi worldly kids cos they so diff, whats all of ur thoughts on this..

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  headisspinning

  We were raised as JWs and although we would have friends at school we were not allowed to do anything with them outside of school - no sleepovers or play dates. The only exception would be if we were paired up with someone for a school project.

  If any neighbourhood kids came to the door to ask us to play we had to tell them we were busy.

  Even in the organization my mother was always watching for ANY back talk or 'bad attitude' in us after we played with JW kids. Any misstep would be blamed on our association and we wouldn't be allowed to play with even some of the Witness kids.

  As a teen I was only allowed to associate with approved friends from the Hall. My mother kept a tight grip and over a weekend I was allowed to go out once. It didn't matter if a month went by without an outing and then two events fell on one weekend. ONE was the rule and that was that.

  I remember during the summer that I would make a LOT of field service arrangements with JW friends just to get out of the house. Otherwise, I was very much alone.
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  7

  Counseling and Therapy

  by Voices in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anyone know how to get funding for counseling?

  sliding scale therapist don't do it for me.

  i don't feel like they know what they're talking about.

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  headisspinning

  Your other option is to move to Canada where we have free health care!
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  41

  The Loving Disfellowshipping Arrangement

  by headisspinning in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  my youngest sister is the only person in my jw family who has had any real contact with my husband and i and our baby.

  for the first year she cut us off too but then after a while she seemed to realize how horrible it was and she opened up to us.. well, she is very easily influenced by the family and so she cut us off again.

  she tried to feed me the line about it being for our own good blah, blah, blah.. here is an excerpt from how i replied:.

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  headisspinning

  OntheWayOut... thanks! I will try again!