You got it right... my mother is shunning me but we are allowing her to see the baby.
She was very actively involved in destroying what was left of my husband's reputation when we first got disfellowshipped. Honestly, it was slander. She finally was reprimanded by one of the elder's who personally dealt with my husband's case and even that didn't stop her.
It wasn't until she found out about the abuse my husband endured as a child that she finally came to her senses.
Since then she has mellowed ... what she did is absolutely terrible but we do not want to hold a grudge and her attitude towards us has changed so we are willing to let her see the baby.
I did bring up the 'vicious gossip' that was going on in an email to her. I didn't accuse her directly... but I think she got the point and knew that we knew she was involved.
I'm pretty forgiving and not cruel by nature so I am okay with letting her own conscience plague her for what she did. I guess it's kind of like 'turn the other cheek', right?
She just keeps thanking me for letting her see the baby - I think it's kind of funny because I haven't changed and I told her that. Of course (if she's being decent) she can see him. It's HER that is being hardcore and ridiculous, NOT me. Not even my husband whose name she dragged through the mud.
I told her that we will be in town in May and that they can come and pick up the baby and take him out for a few hours. Our contact will be brief and limited.
I don't think she would dare bring any issues up... if she does ANYTHING inappropriate that will be it... and I think she knows that!