Welcome, I am so sorry for what you went though. Being a elder for almost 25 years I am ashamed to admit I knew many elders who were like that. Fact was those were the ones who got Cir. Assembly parts because of how controlling they were on there families. Your post speaks volumes of what many elder wives go though. Please accept my sincere apology for being part of that system. Like you many of us former elders have wokeup and refuse to be part of it anymore. We all have to work hard to get this cult thinking out of our heads. Unfortunately you and many others had to go though this toxic situation. Thank you for your story it just cemments in my mind how abusive this organization is. I think I've heard it all then all of a sudden a story like yours come's along. Totally ADD
TotallyADD
JoinedPosts by TotallyADD
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64
Why I Eventually Left
by itscrap&theyknowit! ini am new to this but, for years, i was already out.
don't know where to start.
as i have read the many posting, i'm not alone in my feelings.
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Have you made MAJOR CHANGES since you started posting here?
by nicolaou ini ask because i've been posting at jwd/jwn for 10 years now.
i was a rapidly fading jw when i started but still considered myself a christian for a good few years more.
now i've embraced reason and rejected faith i'm a very happy atheist and enjoy learning more about the fact of evolution.. what about you?.
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TotallyADD
I am alot like Crank. I knew something was wrong. My wife introduce me to this site. I did lurk for a long time but it help me tremendously to make my mind up that JW organization was wrong on so many points. We are both fading together and soon to move 1000 miles away from were we live now. That will be the total break for us. My changes are almost complete at this point. I feel I am agnostic or leaning towards atheism. Although the thread on unitarian universalist look interesting to me. I just don't know yet. Whatever the outcome we are both happier now. Totally ADD
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What Is Truth?
by Reopened Mind ini was the one at the meetings who had a dictionary or at least a definition written in the margin.
i thought it was important to understand the meaning of words to better comprehend the lesson.
i liked that the writers would throw out words which were not commonly used to help us expand our vocabularies.
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TotallyADD
There is one truth that I know. I Love you very much. Happy Valentines Day. Love Totally ADD
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Oh, hi by the way!
by Reality79 inreality79 here, hailing from the uk!
i've made a couple of posts but didn't introduce myself.. my story is a looooong one.
i'm a faded jw and have been inactive for a while now.
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TotallyADD
Hi from the other side of the pond. I feel for you man. As they say been there done that. I know the pain very well. All I can say to you is keep moving forward. I know there will be days you will think you are standing still, this is the time to use what you have learned in therapy to recognize whats causing it change your thinking and move on. As time goes on it will become easier and easier. You have made a great step coming onto this format. It will be therapeutic for you. You had pet fish to talk to I had the tree in the back yard. They just don't get it. When we experience that kind of abuse I don't think we will ever fully recover. But I know you can find happiness and use your unique experience to your advantage and find peace of mind. Welcome and always know we understand were you are coming from. Now happy Totally ADD
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What 'hooked' you... and what made you leave?
by s0rt3d ini wasn't born in.
i got hooked in as a teenager.
was going through a tough time, wondered why we exist, why god wasn't doing anything to solve man's problems, if there was a true religion and, hey-presto, a jw classmate showed up with book that not only asked the questions i was asking but answered them too!.
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TotallyADD
I was a born in. In 2003 was doing Temp work in Brooklyn and saw all these buildings the WT had just for bethelites to live in and maintian. Nothing else was going on in them just lots of big dollar building waiting to be sold. This was the time all the bethelites knew they were going to be kick out. You should of seen the scared look on there faces. That really got me to thinking. I agree with lostgeneration when I read Rays book it also reminded me of our elders meetings. No use of the Bible just WT pub. and elder book. Totally ADD
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last of my story not for the weak at heart
by TotallyADD inas i said before when i reached my thirties i feft i had to do something with my life.
so what was my great idea?
well of course i felt i needed to be a elder.
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TotallyADD
As I said before when I reached my thirties I feft I had to do something with my life. So what was my great idea? Well of course I felt I needed to be a elder. What can I say when you are raised in a dysfunctional organizaion you to become dysfunctional. I started going to all the meetings, field service, did my parts real will and volunteer for extra assignments. After about a year of doing that they made me a M. Servant, now I could give public talks and be on the service meeting. Another year went by and in 1986 I became a elder. What did I learn from all of this? You can change what is broken. Majority of elders are truly truly not qualified to help people. Look at there training, from my first elder school to my last elder school last year I was taught how to determined what constituted a serious sin and how to form a judicial committee and to figure out if the person was sinning becasue of weakness on their part or deliberate. In the 20 plus years as a elder I learned by the society every perverted sex act there is. Once my wife ask me how I know these things and I told her the society taught me those things. I would say that was 60% of our training another 20% on how to do your responsiblities, how to teach at the meetings and taking the lead in field service. When It came to helping the friends, showing love, being one a person could come to without fear of getting in trouble and teaching us that Jesus is the example we should follow, That was given only lip service. For some reason I would often questioned what the GB was teaching but would dismiss it and say to myself it will be fixed down the road, but that never happen. By 2006 my anxiety and depression caused by it was getting worse. My wife and marriage was being strained to the point that I had to do something or I was going to lose her. I started going to a licensed therapist for help. We did not tell anybody about this. Oddly my therapist was a JW and I had to sigh a paper that was given to me that if I revealed a gross sin the therapist would disclose that information to my body of elders. Willingly I signed it because I had nothing to be afraid of and I was desperate for help. For the next 16 months it was discovered I suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, an anxiety disorder and ADD. By those revelations, along with medication, the great anger I had and depression subsided to a very managable degree. Now I can recognize when it comes and with the tools I have learned I stop it before it goes out of control. This saved my marriage. One of the things I had to do in my treatment was apologize to my wife and children. That took alot of courage and humility on my part to admit how wrong I was in my behavior towards them. We are all still healing from all this. With medication for my ADD I was for the first time in my life able to read a whole book from front to back instead of middle to front and back to middle and front skip middle and read back. I know it sounds weird but thats what I did all my life. During this time I was starting to doubt and see discrepancies in the society's teachings. After careful discussions with my wife, she to was having the same doubts. Shortly after that discussions she handed me a book. It was Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. I devoured that book and his second book and anything else I could get my hands on. Those books confirmed what I feeling about this organization for most of my life. Since the middle of last year my wife and I our cautiously exiting from the WT society. Both our married children are on board but there wives are still caught up in this cult. There stories are even worse than mine. All how I have come to hate this cult. By writing this life story I did not intend to outdo others stories because all our stories are unique in what happen to us. It should show how subtle teachings in a cult can become very dangerous to those who are trap in it. The outward appearance of this cult to most people may look harmless but for anybody caught in it, it's a treadmill of guilt, anxiety, self doubt and never being good enough. Here I am in my mid 50's and I am starting life over. Will I learn to love God again? Will I learn to feel a close relationship with Jesus? I don't know now I am just numb inside when it comes to that. I have alot of growing up to do and rethinking my positions on these matters. I never received a apology from my parents when I told them what happen to me as a child even a C. overseer I told this story to and he said (it will make you a better person) I thought to myself how can that be. It's like telling a person having a broken leg will make you a stronger person. I will tell you all leaving this organization is the only way to become a stronger person. Yes I am very happy now. Totally ADD
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Jan. 15th WT- Go to Meetings to Fight the Blues- Eliminate other Activities
by flipper inour jw contact sent us the " witness only " wt's again and i just had to make a thread on this mind numbing article.
starting on pg.22 in the jan.15th it deals with " coping with discouragement ".
it seems lots of jw's are under intense stress these days ( can you blame them ?
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TotallyADD
Hi Flipper, I remember a CA many years ago they had a demo. by a elder my wife and I knew. He told everybody he worked full time, pioneer, went on special assignments to other countrys did this and did that. My wife and I just looked at each other and wonder when did he have time for his family. How could we do anymore than what we were doing since we had two kids to take care of. That imformation was as valueable to us as the example of 19 year old Stephaine. Instead of encouraging us it only made us more discouraged and stress out that we were not doing more. I just love the unrealistic example they give to people, not having a clue what it's like to live in the world and raise a family. According to what I was taught the end was suppose to come before I started school ( that happen in 1959) then I was not suppose to graduate from schoo (that happen in 1972) then was not going to get married (1974) When our first child was born (1977) he would not start school. Well you all know what happen. Now he is a father of 2 children who are in school. So yes we are discouraged by the WT lies that the end is so close. It is them not us who is responsible for stressing us out on failed expectations. Reason number 1059 on why we are not part on this anymore. Totally ADD
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A Thank you from Totally ADD
by TotallyADD inmy wife and i have been gone visiting our youngest child this weekend.
my wife went on free minds first thing when we got home and to our amazement she saw the link to my story in the upper right hand corner.
all i can say is i was flabbergasted.
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TotallyADD
My wife and I have been gone visiting our youngest child this weekend. My wife went on free minds first thing when we got home and to our amazement she saw the link to my story in the upper right hand corner. All I can say is I was flabbergasted. This is something I would have never expected. So all I can say is Thank you to Randy Watter for doing that. I told my wife when I was writing the first part of my life story, I don't think anybody will believe what I have experience in my life. All I can say is Thank you for supporting me in this. It was not easy for me to relate this imformation to all of you. Again Thank you for all of your encouragement. On a side note when visiting our youngest we had a chance to talk to him alone and we found out he is register under the name Former2free since April 2009. He still has to tip toe around his wife but there is some cracks in here belief's as a JW. So now my wife, son and me are on this board. I am so happy that all my cult teaching in the past is crumbling away. Happy, Happy, Happy I am. Totally ADD
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What is happening to JWN ?...So many topics not relating to Jehovah's Witnesses!
by koolaid-man innote the home page..wow how it has changed.. jehovah's witness discussion forumthe place to discuss anything relating to jehovah's witnesses and the watchtower bible and tract society... or just make new friends!.
many of the posts have nothing to do with with jehovah's witnesses and new ones coming on this board would be turned off by the content of many of these off color posts.
foul inappropriate language which is not proper or suitable for exiting witnesses to visibly inspect.
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TotallyADD
Hello Koolaid-man I am new to this board but I was a lurker for 2 years before that. I can't tell you how much I have learned and teaching that were taught in the pass in this organization. As a born in there was a shock element to this place but I keep reading and listening to other who felt and experience pretty much what I experience. Some funny but mostly sad. In many ways JW are social outcast and this place helps all of us to go from anti-social behavior to becoming our real self and to be more open minded about other people. And hopefully emotionally heal from all the wounds we received from the cult. Yes I hope someday I will also move on and let the new ones who come one board to take over were we have left. More power to them and More power to all of us. Just woke up what a great thread. Totally ADD
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Part 2 not for the weak of heart
by TotallyADD inmany, many thanks from all you folks who made a comment.
you brought tears to my eyes.
when reading your comments emotions just overwhelm me.
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TotallyADD
Many, Many thanks from all you folks who made a comment. You brought tears to my eyes. When reading your comments emotions just overwhelm me. That's a new thing for me in the last couple of years I cry now. I stop crying when I was about 9 years old. I just ate it up and held it in the pit of my belly. This caused in later life alot of doctor visits. My dear wife reopened mind is bringing out the climax of my story. But I forgive her she is the one who has been to hell and back with me all these years, I love her dearly. So here is more of my story. By the time I reached my teenage years I had pretty much blocked out memories of what had taken place in my earlier childhood. With my parents hardly ever around I had plenty of opportunity to fish, ice skate, be with my so called worldly friends and do whatever I wanted to do. And of course being a teenager all I could think of was girls. Even though my mother would have loved me to be a eunuch I had other things on my mind. You see my mother hated women, she would make comments all the time that lady had to small of breast or she was to fat or to skinny. But mostly she was obsessed with other womens breast size, I think even more than me. She had a very sick preverted way at looking at women. On the other hand boys or men could do no wrong. I think she would have been very happy if I had boy friends only and never looked at a girl. At any rate I was very good at living a double life, being a good Witness boy at the K.H. and being my real normal self elsewhere. This all changed when my parents moved me to Florida form Illinois. At 16 I was pulled away from all I knew. I did not even get to garduate with my class mates in Illinois. I still had two years of school left, so what was I going to do. Since I was not a very good student in school mainly because of my learning disability, college was out (that was bad and according to my parents that was a sin because the WT said so and I would die at armageddon if I did.) With 1975 just a few years away my dad would tell me over and over (don't have any interests in anything in this world science, sports, career, don't make any friends in this world they are all going to be destoryed at armageddon). To this day that stills makes me sick to my stomach also I always felf, why did be get to enjoy what he wanted to do with his life but I was not allowed to. I found this very unfair. You would have thought I should be seeing the light but no and the reason why is he also would tell me if I ever left the so called truth He and mother would never talk to me again I would be like a demon to them and they would have no part of me. Since my only reference point of religion was being a JW I could not see anything else. That summer in FL I ended up going out in field service with a group of pioneers several times a week. During that time of association they convinced me that as a male if I wanted privileges in the congregation and survive armageddon I had to be baptized. At 16 years of age I was baptized really having no idea why I qualified, I hardly knew anything about the Bible I was told what to believe all my life and never study with but I could answer the questions in the "Lamp" book because it was a open book question and answer session. By the time I was 19 years old I wanted to get married and leave this house before armageddon came. One of the reasons was to enjoy the pleasures of sex in case I was destroyed at armageddon. In 1974 I married my beautiful wife of 37 years now. My poor wife she had now idea what she was getting into. Unlike me she was not raised a JW and I meant her a month before she got baptized. All she knew was she was marrying an elders son and I must be very spiritual person, Yeah Right! What the poor thing got was a really mess up husband. Soon after we got married depression and high anxiety started to kick in, causing me to have many physical and emotional illnesses. We were told by many older ones and elders I was too young to be this sick and I must be going something wrong against Jehovah or we have a demon or I not reading my bible enough and on and on. Justly so my wife would get upset with me because I had a hard time making a living. I bounced from one job to another. Depression and anxiety would hit again and again I was never happy. As time went on we had two children and my overwhelming anxiety would kick in even harder. We would have elders come over to see us but again I was told I am not doing enough bible reading and field service or we had demons and Jehovah's spirit had left me. I even had a circuit overseer wanting to know why I was missing meetings and I told him Jehovah had blessed us with a child and I had to work more to support my family. His answer to me was "Jehovah did not bless you with a child. You had sex with your wife and she got pregnant". Thank you very much. All that did was make me feel guiltier and more depressed and more worthless. And the so called friends in the hall in reality we found very little emotional support and comfort from them especially from my parents. The counsel we got was usually critical and harsh. For the next serveral years I did little in the so called truth. I always felt like the 5th wheel when we were around the friends. By the time I reach my thirties I felt I needed to do something with my life. I will tell that story another time. My ritalin is wearing off. Ha Ha. Totally ADD