Posts by bafh

39

My fade has hit the fan!

by SophieG in

jw
friends

hi guys!

well the caca hit the fan!

a friend asked me why i am leaving the org and i told her.

THIS is exactly why I don't have those kinds of conversations. I either don't talk about it - or talk about being tired, anxious, and/or distracted with my business. I'm not sure I could handle this sort of reaction. I've got a small family, so if this happened, I'd lose everyone. My fade is going surprisingly well, we simply don't talk about it and I'm positive and encouraging to my mom about her spiritual activities - I have no desire to pull her out or change her mind about what she is doing. And my grandparents are very old and should be able to die in peace.

I'm sorry for your hassle, but I appreciate the reminder of what can happen and how good I've got it!

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

Here's my situation:

I haven't attended meeting regularly in over 2 years. I do however still attend the Memorial. I'm a 5th generation born-in. I live in a neighborhood with over 10 JW families who live closeby.

So the advice I gave above is what is currently working for me: I don't answer the door, give a phone number I never answer....I am out of town for work. I'm friendly, loving and kind to JWs when I see or talk to them. I don't answer any questions direct or indirect.

So far, it has worked. I haven't been contacted for any elder's meetings. If they've watched my home, I have not been aware of it - but I have also not done anything at my own home I wouldn't want to get caught at. I've been very discreet.

I realize that not everyone would tolerate living in this way - but for me - I appreciate the freedom from the meetings and the ability to still communicate with my family - it works.

This process is so individual that I don't think we can lay out a right or wrong way to do it - too many variables. Do what works for you with the amount of stress or discomfort that you are willing to tolerate.

Say as little as possible. Be loving and kind, and as real as you can without giving yourself up.

good luck. Let us know how it goes.

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

Fading is tricky especially if you have family that you want to maintain contact with and who are otherwise supportive. So those of you who were able to do it in one fell swoop are maybe in a different boat than those of us who need to do it slower. Let's remember there is no one right answer and we do well not to judge others on how they choose to handle their withdrawl.

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

1) don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone.

2) a fade is usually gradual, not cold turkey so as not to create a stir....if you have to, go occasionally - arrive late, leave early but be seen. come up with "i've been ill, depressed, working too much, blah blah blah...."

3) if people ask where you've been be sure to appreciate their concern, but practice giving no answer - "I appreciate your concern.I've been so overwhelmed with ______, and I haven't been feeling well. I'm doing the best I can. Thanks."

4) screen your calls. Get a Google Talk number that you can give to people that just goes to voicemail and that you never answer.

5) don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone.

6) I still attend the Memorial. One reason is that NOT attending the Memorial is sort of the last thing that brings attention that you may not just be weak, but an apostate. So, if you can bring yourself to attend, I'd reccommend it.

7) move if you can. doesn't have to be far, just out of your territory.

~ just my 2 cents

bafh

19

Self-shunning Syndrome / The Prime Directive

by cedars in

i've recently been reunited with some close family and friends having been away from them for some time in another country.

to begin with, i was a little apprehensive as to how they would treat me.

they don't know the extent of my feelings or knowledge (or what i've been up to!

bafh

well, there is something to be said about meeting people where they are. Everyone matures at different paces, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You wouldn't have a very personal conversation with a child, and you meet them at their level. This is somewhat the same. You interact with them at the level they can handle. Even Jesus withheld information the disciples were not ready to recieve.

It's not you are better than them, it's that you are relating to them in a way that promotes the relationship.

29

HOW DO YOU CONTINUE?

by angel.face in

jw
friends

lately i've been finding it more and more difficult to keep up a front.. .

before i learned the tatt i was the mover and shaker of our family.

i would study with the kids.

bafh

Yeah, I would play it cool. I don't have kids, but I do have children in my family that I am close to. I've heard more than once that a DA'd parent has to fight to keep their kids, and is portrayed in court as unfit. It really puts kids in the middle, and will do nothing to furthering your goal of having your husband and mother understand or even join you in your position.

You're getting good advice. Follow the AA motto: One Day at a Time. Don't DA, just for today.

I'm currently fading. I don't have anyone I'm trying to save, so it's probably easier - but I don't talk about why I don't go to meeting. At the same time, if someone in my life brings up something about the meeting or something that is important to them, then I am encouraging to them about it. It's not my place to change their mind. And, I think it keeps them from suspecting that I'm anything other than just "weak" and occupied with my work.

my .02 cents

bafh

11

Watchtower Quoted in a book about how to lie.

by Sharpie in

link.

the book is about basicly how to protect yourself online with identity fraud.

this chapter had quoted good old theocratic warfare in how to not give people your ssn or any other information.

bafh

I think the reason this quotes the WT is because it was written by a Witness.

36

Walk Away

by breakfast of champions in

no, not the joe walsh song.

one of our last co visits, he was railing on the apostates who can't just shut up and be quiet.

rabble rousers.

bafh

WTBS doesn't want to admit, they really ARE Hotel California. That would actually be a good title for a book about JWs...hahaha

18

Prediction: Expect a change in Study Edition distribution

by baltar447 in

jw
friends

after all the hoopla over the "mentally diseased" stuff, i'm making a prediction.

i expect that the borg will stop distributing the koolaid wt online, at least to where anyone can download it.

i expect that they will require the jws to create logins and passwords to access the study edition, somehow tying that that back to what congregataion you're in and maybe even an elder approving that you attend.

bafh

But that would mean at least one of the elders to be internet savvy enough to do it, not to mention having the internet connected, have a printer and plenty of paper to print the WT study editions. Would the elder be expected to pay for all that or could he be recompensed for his expenses?
It's so much more cost effective to run it through their massive presses than to reimburse people individually for going to Kinkos. Yikes. That'll take a chunk out of their profits for sure. I just don't think they'll do it. When I toured Bethel last year and asked about why they don't just put everything online, they said it was because most of the world doesn't even have internet access.
So, I don't see it going all digital any time soon.

63

{Sigh}, I could use a hug...

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite in

jw
friends

my first two exams were this week.

things didn't go well.

the classes are tough -- math and science.

bafh

The term is not over, and it is early in your college career. So don't sweat it. You have lots of room for things not to be perfect without it completely falling apart. Make sure to connect with others, especially your advisors. They will be able to help you out a lot. If you are struggling, make sure you access any of the extra assistance available on your campus. And keep talking to your advisors. If things get really bad, and your financial aid is in jeopardy, they can help you figure out a way to get yourself out of it. And don't be afraid to take less classes as you are getting used to college. It is a big transition to college for someone of any age, but especially if you are an older, non-traditonal student. :-)

Take a big deep breath. Enjoy your weekend. Rest, eat. And get back in the saddle on Monday.

One or two tests does not a BA degree make (or break).

bafh