One time, a CO gave one of the best talks I've ever heard about "stumbling." Using scripture, he proved that the only people who can be "stumbled" are those who are just learning the trooof. No one else can claim "stumbling," they can only claim "taking offense." And we all know what 1Thess. 4:11 says about that, don't we! STUPID! If you take offense, you are a STUPID ONE. I almost cart-wheeled down the aisle during that talk!!! He gave a great illustration about a person walking into a KH and slipping on ice in the parking lot. "Brothers...if you slip and fall on ice, will you continue sitting there until summer time, long after the ice has melted? That would be STUPID, wouldn't it." BRA-VO!!!
DarioKehl
JoinedPosts by DarioKehl
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100
What's the most dumbest/petty thing you've heard of someone being "stumbled" over?
by Reality79 in- some loser once took offense that i hugged a sister goodbye at a leaving do and ran back to the elders like a little child telling on me.
i was 15, this sister was in her 40s at the time.. - this elder said someone told him they saw me with a copy of the sun newspaper.
yes, this paper is known for its 'page 3' topless girls but far from pornagraphic and i wasn't even thinking along those lines.. - one brother who had a good job was 'counselled' because he was actually able to buy himself nice things including a new car (shock, horror!!
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100
What's the most dumbest/petty thing you've heard of someone being "stumbled" over?
by Reality79 in- some loser once took offense that i hugged a sister goodbye at a leaving do and ran back to the elders like a little child telling on me.
i was 15, this sister was in her 40s at the time.. - this elder said someone told him they saw me with a copy of the sun newspaper.
yes, this paper is known for its 'page 3' topless girls but far from pornagraphic and i wasn't even thinking along those lines.. - one brother who had a good job was 'counselled' because he was actually able to buy himself nice things including a new car (shock, horror!!
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DarioKehl
I am the proud recipient of "passive counsel" from a member of the Governing Body (holy chior music)
Without revealing too much about my identity, I will say that I was in a vacation home a while ago. I drove a buddy down to propose to his GF. His GF's uncle is on the GB and his initials are SL.
ANYWAY... a few of her relatives (cousins, younger brother, etc), her BF and I were in the sunroom watching TV before we left for dinner. I had the remote in my hand and was channel surfing. I stopped on the Learning Channel because "Worlds Scariest Police Chases" was on. You know, that show where they take 5 minutes of traffic helicopter footage and make a 60 minute program out of it? OK, well, SL walked in (wearing dress pants and a dress shirt buttoned up). He stopped dead in the doorway and looked aghast. Speaking with a bellowing voice (amplified by holy spirit from heaven), he exclaimed, "My MY MY!!! That sure is some VIOLENT PROGRAMMING!" and immediately removed himself from the room. Did I change the channel? HAAAAIL NO.
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100
What's the most dumbest/petty thing you've heard of someone being "stumbled" over?
by Reality79 in- some loser once took offense that i hugged a sister goodbye at a leaving do and ran back to the elders like a little child telling on me.
i was 15, this sister was in her 40s at the time.. - this elder said someone told him they saw me with a copy of the sun newspaper.
yes, this paper is known for its 'page 3' topless girls but far from pornagraphic and i wasn't even thinking along those lines.. - one brother who had a good job was 'counselled' because he was actually able to buy himself nice things including a new car (shock, horror!!
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DarioKehl
Once, after a Sunday meeting, I went to a nice restraunt with 7 other people from my congo. 2 were dating couples, the rest were singles like me. We were all over 18. We saw an older die-hard pioneer sister off in a corner, dining alone. After our drink orders were taken, we all gradually went over to her, said "hello" and asked if she'd like to join us. She was polite, smiled and declined. The following Wednesday night, we were all informed by an elder (who was obviously on our side) that a "certain sister" brought it to the attention of the elder body that unchaperoned, co-ed groups of young people were going out "on their own" after meetings and she was offended that we had no "adult supervision."
1.) Had she accepted our invitation, she could have served that supervisory role for us.
2.) The majority of us were on our early to mid-20s. I'll take "young people" as a compliment, but... supervision?
BTW: Had she not been there, we would have definitely had the girls take their tops off and dance on the table while spanking our monkeys...damn...she totally BUSTED us!
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I love gays :)
by freeflyingfaerie insome of my favorite people are~.
after leaving the religion, my lesbian couple friends were the most compassionate people, and i will always love them!.
i am heterosexual, but find gays to be absolutely fabulous!!.
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DarioKehl
Why thank you! (closet bi here)
I too have recently found a new social circle among "the gays" and I gotta tell you, I was nervous as hell at first, but they're actually no different at all other than their preferences. You'd be surprised at how many faded and ex-dubs their are with this ..."imperfection."
One of my missions as a faded JW is to give unbiased support for those still inside the b0rg. I am not one to actively deconvert. I respect everyone's right to religious freedom. I will say, however, that those who chose to stay in are severely depressed, miserable and conflicted. Unfortunately, I do not share with them my "apostate" thinking, but I merely provide a listening ear and can offer limited advice. Some of them are open to my free-thinking topics though. I'm just very careful--I do not want to be outed. When the time comes, if necessary, I will out myself.
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So i'm gay and i'm damn PROUD of it! :)
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DarioKehl
Good for you! I'm a frustrated, closeted bi here who has only recently begun to explore my options.
@darth frosty: I couldn't agree with you more! Right on.
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21
J-Dub Gossip: How Do/Did You Handle It?
by DarioKehl inperhaps the biggest fear i have of leaving is the ensuing gossip that will follow.
i know it's stupid to worry about what will be said about me once i'm "out," but it kills me inside.
of course, that doesn't mean that i don't already deal with my fair share of gossip as it is while still "in.
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DarioKehl
I've wondered if hypnosis would help lol! "Make me not care!" If they can stop smoking and hunger urges, they should be able to turn off the mechanism that makes me give a damn, right? I think the reason it concerns me is because my family is all still active. Whatever hateful slander persists after my departure will be crap THEY have to put up with. I'll be long gone, happily moving on. I just don't want them to have to deal with the "black sheep" in the fam. I mean, just wait till I have a new lable: APOSTATE! lol! Sometimes I wonder if they'll be bored after I leave. Nothing to talk about anymore!
But to reiterate, being away from the gossip environment has really helped me to change that tendency in myself. I just don't talk about people anymore. My new friends don't. I guess you imitate those who surround you. It's wonderful. I used to be so hateful about people--even total strangers--and that's one thing I'll NEVER MISS.
I have a theory about JW gossip. If you think about it, so many activities are "bad" and frowned upon (sports, dances, clubs, "high-risk" hobbies) that the only thing left for them to do is drink copious amounts of booze, EAT, shop and FRIGGAN GOSSIP. It's a form of recreation!
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83
Are You Going To the Memorial?
by headisspinning ini can't see myself not attending.
i would feel horrible not to go.
i don't know where i'm going to land and if i had to look back and think i didn't go... well, i would feel awful..
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DarioKehl
First year NOT attending. It's gonna feel weird!!! But the tear will be complete!
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21
Finally out!
by fade_away ini've been loggin in to this site for about 3 or 4 months on an almost daily basis.
i decided to finally make an account cause i just have to vent and connect with those who have been in my shoes.
"worldly" people don't understand completely when i talk to them about the hardship of being born into a religion/cult, growing up with people making decisions for me, and having them choose my future, goals, and dreams; all the while sacrificing normal childhood joys and replacing them with study, service hours, and 5 minute talks.
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DarioKehl
"Conditional friendship"
WELL STATED.
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What proof is there that Jesus chose the Bible Students in 1919?
by VM44 inwhat proof is there that jesus inspected all the religions or the earth in 1919 and then chose the bible students?.
just because the watchtower says in its literature that they were chosen is not proof!.
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DarioKehl
None what-so-ever! Unless you browse the Daniel book. It mentions 1919 in almost every paragraph. I remember, before realizing it's ALL BS, leaning to the brother next to me and saying, "What...is 1914 a thing of the past now?" and he chuckled.
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21
J-Dub Gossip: How Do/Did You Handle It?
by DarioKehl inperhaps the biggest fear i have of leaving is the ensuing gossip that will follow.
i know it's stupid to worry about what will be said about me once i'm "out," but it kills me inside.
of course, that doesn't mean that i don't already deal with my fair share of gossip as it is while still "in.
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DarioKehl
Perhaps the biggest fear I have of leaving is the ensuing gossip that will follow. I know it's stupid to worry about what will be said about me once I'm "out," but it kills me inside. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't already deal with my fair share of gossip as it is while still "in." I'll tell you this much though: since my fade, I haven't gossiped nearly as much as I used to!!! I'm soooo much less judgemental and have met so many interesting people from different backgrounds that were routinely villified in my Dub upbringing.
Without revealing too much about my identitiy, I'll share with this board the hurtful accusations that have been hurled my way over the years:
I'm a single, 30-something male. Never married, no kids. Do the math. What do YOU think I've had to deal with flying around the Dub grapevine my entire adult life? Much earlier, in my late teens/early 20's, I was hauled into the B-room while serving as an MS and asked if I was "a homosexual" because "some people may be wondering." That pissed me off. I had just turned this elder's daughter down after she asked me out and the next meeting, I was yanked to the back. I told them I was not (tee-hee!!! not active anyway, I am quite bisexual and desperately tried to conceal it for years--since 7th grade to be precise). But that was such a rude awakening for me and it bothered me long before my fade knowing that my sexuality was being discussed by everyone even though I was still a virgin and would remain so for years after. I switched congregations not long after that.
My parents were also very active with the younger people in the congregation. After they moved out-of-state in my mid-20's, I took over their effort. All of my bible studies were younger, I always reached out to the sad, lonely, "rebel" type young ones who everyone else avoided like the plague. I always took kids (and encouraged their parents to join but rarely with success) out in service on Wednesday afternoons when they were done with school. It really bumped my FS time and got kids out in the Cervix Menstruy who would otherwise never have gotten an opportunity to participate. I'd get the occasional "thank you" and "Oh you're so good to the young people" but then it seemed that I was the person who was expected to provide transportation or "babysit." Usually, I'd end up having to chaperone...at least it felt that way. One reason I decided to fade was hearing nasty rumors about me giving "too much attention to younger people" and that was very hurtful...especially knowing that there is an epidemic problem with child predators within this organization. I assure you all that is simply NOT the case with me. I grew up in a youth-friendly and very stable environment. I identify more with the youth than I do with the boring, stoic, "elder and pio-wife" crowd, anyway. My mom is the same way to this day! That's no sin at all, but some of the nasty slander that spread about me was very hurtful. Before my fade, I stopped ALL efforts to reach out to the teens in my congregation and became very jaded. I mean, here I was, giving my time, energy, resources and money to help these "weak" parents' kids become more active in spiritual activities and the only payback I got was either expected, unappreciated obligations to pick their kids' butts up every Wednesday or hateful rumors. It's apparent that genuine predators have more rights and protection from the BOE and WBT$ than a perfectly harmless, well-intended guy like me. It's sad, because the real victims of my discouragement were the youth of that hall. I had to cut them off because I was uncomortable. They were confused as hell, needless to say but it was so embarrassing and hurtful I couldn't bring myself to tell them why I ditched them. After my fade, many of them eventually left on their own accord (thank GOD) and now they are happy, stable adults who occasionally run in to me at hookah bars LOL. I suppose I'm ALSO to blame for their tattoos, facial hair and worldly spouses now??? Probably! Anyway, I have had the chance to explain what I had to put up with to the ones I ran in to and they agree--it's total BULL$#!t.
At one point, I was very interested in a gorgeous sister but dating within the congo was a nightmare. The scrutiny. The back-biting. The rumor. The gossip. Never again. Most of the people hurling the slander were the ones who complained to elders about us sitting together at meetings and holding hands. Now faded, I am finally able to pursue healthy relationships outside of that windowless brick box and I've never been happier!!! I cannot believe how much more enjoyable the dating game is when you're not under the giant magnifying glass! And the best part is, especially at work, I can scope chicks who are not only gorgeous, but emotionally stable, intelligent and educated like I am! I'm sorry, but a home-schooled pioneer sister is nothing but an emotional, financial time bomb. And yes, I've even had a few opportunities to play for the "other team" too--GUILT-FREE!
So, once I officially leave, the rumors will fly about Dario. And that concerns me, even though I'll be moving on. In the back of my mind, I'll still wonder what they're saying about me now. I'm almost tempted to show up at a memorial 5 years from now with a shiny convertible and a beautiful wife and kids just to prove them all wrong! Is that normal? I know it doesn't make sense, but is it normal?
What specific gossip/slander have you all had to endure? How did you cope? Does it still bother you knowing you're likely the topic of car group gossip and B-room meetings? How do you reconcile that??? Do you eventually get over it? I am like Ellen Degeneres, desperate for everyone to just "like" me and it kills me when my efforts fail. I want CLOSURE. I want to prove them all WRONG. I'm a decent, loveable guy and they'll never realize it.