Posts by LyinEyes

31

We're busier than ever !

by Simon in

well, despite some 'doom and gloom' predictions of our imminent demise, last week was the busiest ever for the site in terms of visits with just a few short of 52,000 beating even the dateline and panorama weeks !

(i think quite a few who found us then have stuck around).. a quick tally of the thread viewed counts shows that they have now been viewed over 9.5 million times !

(this is just threads, discounting all the other page views).

LyinEyes

"And the small one , will become a mighty nation."

Good for you Simon on the growth of your " baby"!!!! I know things have been heated alot here lately and have no doubt caused you alot of stress, but this site has served alot of good for so many people. I always look at the amount of people on the site and I can see the numbers growing. The more that come here , even lurkers , will in time cause the downfall of the WT. I think that the other ExJW boards will do the same, I hate that so many have had misunderstanding or whatever anyone wants to call them, but united we stand , divided we fall. Hopefully in the big picture, we can all see that dispite personal differences , we ( EX JW's ) are a growing ever stronger group.

21

Transitions after leaving the borg..experiences?

by LyinEyes in

jw
friends

i am just going to put this out here to see how you all feel about this.......... here goes............... do you think that being a jw , especially raised in it, has taken away your chance of ever trusting yourself ever again in regards to what you believe in?

i mean , you can read books, many by very educated men/women, you can read every bible printed, you can read every self help book, but do you find yourself at times just not caring anymore?

i mean once your trust has been broken, what is the point in reading another man's version of what truth/reality is?

LyinEyes

I am just going to put this out here to see how you all feel about this.......... here goes..............

Do you think that being a JW , especially raised in it, has taken away your chance of ever trusting yourself ever again in regards to what you believe in?

I mean , you can read books, many by very educated men/women, you can read every Bible printed, you can read every self help book, but do you find yourself at times just not caring anymore? I mean once your trust has been broken, what is the point in reading another man's version of what truth/reality is?

I used to have this great need after I left the borg a year ago to find a religious belief again. Now I am just searching for some kind of spirituality, in some kind of form. It may not be God the creator as I was taught, it could be one day I will find a place that I feel comfortable in. Right now, I pretty much don't think there is any right or wrong, and would love to accept that for what it is . I know it is all mind conditioning , learning to accept that you don't have all the answers. But only being out of the evil, EVIL borg, I think I am still going thru transitions here.

I would like to hear some feedback from some of you that have been free from the borg, longer than I , and maybe tell me how long it took for you to feel a calm sense of peace . I know there is not absolute knowledge and peace, but an acceptable amount to learn to take life's milestones in a way that doesnt throw you spinnng out of control.

16

My Story

by CC Ryder in

well, i guess it is time to share my story with you all.

most of the recent events in my life i have already shared in bits and pieces throughout various threads here on the jwd.. i am 47 years old and have one sister who is 44. we grew up in a religously divided household.

my father was and still is a jw and my mother is still a devout bible student.

LyinEyes

CC, a story is never too long, when told by a friend. I loved the story, what a beautiful ending. I am so very happy that you two found each other, despite the ones who thought it would not work. The elders make me sick when they judge who is right for someone and then treat them like crap because you don't choose to do things their way. Tink and I share alot of common occurances that have happened in our lives, in fact in one of Mim's post , I responded to Tink about a dream she had about her father, it was very similar to one I had about my mother. Tell her to read it,,, she will get a weird feeling about how this dream I had . She is a sweetheart and it makes me so angry that those in her congregation treated her that way. But from what I have learned all you need is one good man to help all the hurt go away, and you seem to be a wonderful friend and hubby to her. I am very thankful that I too, have at least one person, who knows me and understands all of my past experiences and why I feel the way I do at times you may know him as WildTurkey. I really hope to meet you two some day, I have a feeling it will not be too long, we have family in the Paducah Kentucky area, and want to visit when the weather is cooler and work slows down a bit. My motherin law wants to go when her cancer treatment is done and she is cleared to go. It is her family that are from all of those parts in Tenn. and Kentucky , not around Nashville I don't think , but could be . None are witnesses thank goodness. LOL....... Thanks for the story and take care of yourself and your sweet wife , Tink.

Hugs and hope to meet ya'll face to face someday,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dede

21

Ozzie's Wine of the Month - September

by ozziepost in

jw
friends

this month's chosen wine is a shiraz enjoyed by mrs ozzie and i last friday with a beautiful meal of veal dishes.

mrs ozzie had veal shanks and i had veal rolled with bacon in wine sauce.

the rosemount diamond shiraz is a premium wine which has won many awards, including one gold cup, 22 gold medals and 16 silver medals.

LyinEyes

Mr. Ozzie, I have really enjoyed your post on wine,,,,,,,,,,, I love the stuff, but don't have the knowledge of what to choose from. So I am making a list so that I can try what you so beautifully have described. Anyone who knows me, knows I love details, and I thank you for all the details you give in your post, the aroma is as important as the delight of the pallet. It is still in the morn for me , yet I find myself anxious for the evening to enjoy a new flavor of wine. I hope I can find something close to what you are describing in our little one horse town. Thanks, Dede

39

I'm just curious.........

by WildHorses in

jw
friends

i want to get an idea of how many people have left the org in the past five years.

which of the following years did you leave?.

1998 i left.

LyinEyes

I stopped going to meetings in June of 2001, didnt make the memorial that year either. I D/A myself about 2 or 3 weeks ago,,,,,,,,,,,, but I feel that I have been d/a since june of last year. What a year!!!

20

It was a dark and stormy night.....

by Mimilly in

jw
friends

actually, it was dark and it was night, but it was clear and something happened last night that creeped me out and has no explanation.

i'm wondering if anyone has had similiar things happen.

the setting: i'm sick with a stupid cold and decided to sleep on the couch in the livingroom.

LyinEyes

I have seen and heard some strange things Mim, but at this point in my life I am not sure what they mean or where they come from. But I do doubt somethings that happened where my mind playing tricks on me. In my sleep I could beleive that , but somethings other people who were in the room heard it too. Who knows?? I would like to find out more about this ,, let me know if it happens again, they say, or I have read you have to look sometimes for things around you and you will see more.??

Tink,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wow your dream ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I have to tell you mine, 3 days after my mom killed herself, I was so tired and fell into a deep sleep. I dreamed she was sitting on my bed, rubbing my hair, and looking at me while I was crying, then I sat up and hugged her. I could feel her so plainly, so very real, I could even smell final net hairspray in her hair. She looked me in the eyes and told me she would stay with me for 3 days, and then she had to leave, that was all she was allowed to stay. She said she knew I needed her until my mind could accept that she was really gone this time. It was so beautiful and peaceful and I didnt ask her any questions as to why she did it. I didnt say anything at all really. She said those few things and just held me and I felt she wanted to just comfort me. I woke up looking for her, I forgot she was dead. Then I broke down and cried again. It always bothered me because I never , ever beleived she was in heaven, I was raised JW and the thought never crossed my mind. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, to comfort myself or it was demons. Can you imagine,,,,,,,,,, so brainwashed as to beleive a dream was demons. For years this bothered me,,,, how could I , a loyal JW dream such a false doctrine, I felt guilty for that .

Only this year , since I have left the borg, do I question if she did come to me in my dream to comfort me. I still don't know what I beleive, I think I am more of a non beleiver at this point , but would love to beleive again in something, but too afraid to give in to it. This was the one and only dream that was that real about her, I have dreamed thousands of dreams of her, but not one as real , it was even physically real feeling, since.

I don't understand why she would only appear to me once, there have been sometimes when I really wanted to just crawl in a hole and die, and she didnt come to me. Maybe I overlooked something , maybe she was there, maybe I had the strenght to go on because of my hub and children .

I do find it strange that in my dream 16 yrs ago, she said she could only stay 3 days with me, ,,, I always thought it was my JW teaching of Jesus asleep in death, for 3 days before he was resurrected ???? I have no idea. But instead of that dream comforting me, it caused me grief because I felt I had betrayed God, but wishing or letting my subconscious dream such a thing.

Now I think it is wonderful to be able for the first time , to think ,,,,,,,maybe , just maybe she was comforting me.......... for the first time in our time together she was a real mother to me wanting to ease my pain instead of her own. And that is something that always confused me as a child , I was more of the mother and she was the child. She was only 15 when she had me. God,,,,,,, I would give years off of my life just to talk 1 hour with her. Just to feel her hug one more time. Please if there is a God out there, let there be a heaven.

63

Cancer

by Sirona in

jw
friends

you might think i'm being picky here, please dont take this the wrong way.

the thing is, i'm stuggling with my health at the moment and am going in hospital to see if my cancer has spread.. heres my gripe: some people (noone on this board) say to me, over and over, that they know someone who had skin cancer and they're fine now....how they can just remove the mole and everything is fine.

well for the purposes of educating people:.

LyinEyes

Sirona, it is wonderful news that things are looking up for you. I had a little scare several months ago and had to wait for what seemed forever to get the results back. Everything was fine. But waiting, for the results made me look at my life so much closer, especially how much I want to live. Just leaving the borg and having the paradise dreams shattered was hard enough, not knowing what is on the other side, faced with not knowing was hard. Especially when you have little kids, but I guess anything can happen to us at any given time. It sure makes you glad to be alive, I hope you are enjoying the get together at Simon's . Now maybe you can breathe a sigh of relief and start enjoying the beginning of the rest of your life. So here's to you Sirona( holding up a glass of wine) and wishing you all the best and may all your days be peaceful and happy. Love ya, Dede

(((((((((((((((((((( Animal/Rick)))))))))))))))) I didnt know what you had been thru,,,,, wow that was an ordeal too. Glad you are doing great............ just keep a check on yourself..there are too many roads you need to travel . So keep well and hope to see you soon. Love, Dede and Wild

39

So I was put in the back of a police car....

by Mimilly in

oops.... should start at the beginning of a story shouldn't i!

i've been lower than a serpent's belly as of late.

finances just got a whole lot worse; argued 5 times with monopolistic telephone company who took my payment (money from 'hubby') yet didn't re-connect me; went searching for my resume on hubby's computer and found child porn instead.

LyinEyes

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MIM)))))))))))))))))))

God, I can not believe this happened. Suicide is everywhere I look here lately, Sept . 15 is the anniversary of my mom's suicided and the cooler weather and leaves falling awaken the pain.

Please listen to me about one thing, do not stop talking to a doctor. You may think you can do it alone, or that this site is enough it is not.

You must find a trusting doctor and get on some meds or other form of treatment.

When I read this I got very upset, and I feel deep pain for you and your daughters. Thank God you are still here for them. They will need you so much, but you can't be there for them if you are sick.

If only my mom would have CONTINUED her treatement she might be with me today. This is a horrible thing and I know the pain your family must be going thru. My mom tried to kill herself so many times with pills, we all thought it was a cry for help maybe it was. But she eventually did the deed in a away that she couldnt be saved. She jumped from a high bridge and drowned. And we had to find her like that. Please do not let yourself ever get that bad again, that you go to a point you will not return. And you will get depressed again, you know how that works. This board is a life saver in many many ways. But you need help from a doctor to work thru this. I am at a lose for anymore words.

Love, Dede

(((((((((((((((((((((((( Cass))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) so sorry to hear of your friends suicide. I have been down before , very down, and I am so scared, I will flip out and do it someday. I hope I never leave behind my kids, I know that pain too well. I am sure your friend must have been very sick , this is such a sad story. hugs, dede

32

XJWs what do U do with your TIME now

by QUEENIE in

jw
friends

what do you all do with your free time now guys..like hobbies and what not..like you pioneers there is 75 hrs you have to play around with if you know what i mean not to mention meetings and bible studying etc.

please do share !!!

(((((hugs)))) queenie

LyinEyes

I have alot of things to keep me occupied with 3 kids. I have my oldest in high school now and he is playing football, so lots of practice, and haul him and his friends around all the time.

My other two kids, ages 8 and 7 are being homeschooled to catch up and then they are going to school too. They did for a week and we had problems with the youngest because of ADDH.

I spend alot of time , doing things that are no fun but necessary: cooking, cleaning, folding clothes etc. My house is not spotless, I would rather talk with the kids and play with them than be a perfect housekeeper.

We sit outside every evening and throw them the football, or watch them race each other. They jump on the trampoline too. We enjoy watching tv together, laughing , visiting relatives and just going to walmart is fun with our bunch.

I love to read, magazines or my favorite, books by Ann Rule, on true life crime stories.

We have 2 dogs and 2 new kittens, which we love to spoil.

My hub and I go out dancing every weekend and get away from the kids for a night and it is wonderful to be free to do whatever we want.

I really am looking forward to cooler temps so we can do some outdoor things.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Life is good.

28

You may fall asleep,

by Tinkerbell4125 in

jw
friends

.

but i finally posted my bio, if anyone wants to read it.

tink =:o)edited by - tinkerbell4125 on 27 august 2002 17:39:36.

LyinEyes

Tink and CC, sorry to hear about the lose in your family. Even when it is not a very close relative it brings up old feelings. Last year , my cousin, my mothers sister's son, committed suicide he was just 25 I think. We were not close growing up but my aunt and I have kept in contact thru the years by letter mostly. She has been thru so much, and what happened with her son, was so tragic, she never got over my mom's suicide and then her own son does it. It does make you wonder if it runs in the family as they say. She emailed me a few days ago and told me she moved to New Orleans to be closer to her oldest son who plays guitar . She is nervous but excited about her move, and I am amazed at her strength and just last month her mother, my grandmother died. The old woman was cruel and mean and cut everyone off but her one son. My aunt gave up on my grandmother years ago,because she knew she couldnt change her. I have resented my grandmother for the things she did out of meanness to my mother and I do think she contributed to my mom's low self esteem.

But really, if anyone has been thru hell my aunt sure has. And yet she goes on. Amazing.

My hubby's family live in Paducah, Ky. and they have alot of other relatives, we are not close, in the Tenn area. My motherin laws last name was Cathey....and there is alot of geneology stuff she has studied and found lots of her kin there. We were talking about going to kentucky in the later fall maybe.

We live in a little town out of Shreveport, Louisiana, NW almost in arkansas and texas borders. So we are about 3 hrs east of Dallas. I will sure let you know if we ever get close to that side of the USA, we never know , we might end up going anywhere for hubby's work. But with kids in school , I am more homebound.