I will say that at this time American's are extreamly "sensitive". Can you even imagine what it is like to worry each day about another terrorist hit? I have never been out of the USA, but I am proud to be here , free . Most of my life it seemed like a pretty safe place to be, compared to other countries you read about in the paper. But now , we are all just worried that someone we love will be attacked. The 4th of July is coming up, big fun national holiday, but many are scared to be in big public places. The security everywhere is on high alert. The water departments, are even increasing their security, that is so terrifing to us. At any given time , a suicide bomber could hit anywhere, and we are just like sitting ducks, not seeing it coming. It is hard when your little children are so afraid that they are going to die like the people in the World Trade Center. And of course these are not unfounded fears ,we are in war, and get new threats everyday. I have never really involved myself in politics, being raised JW, I was all for God's Kingdom. But I am an American and I want my way of life to be one of freedom , so I am sensitive when someone calls all of Americans ignorant . I just hope that other countries that are not being attacked ( YET) in the way we are, stop and think what we must be feeling.
LyinEyes
JoinedPosts by LyinEyes
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90
What do Americans actually really know about???
by invisible inwhat do americans in general actually really know about the big outside world outside of their own culture?.
it's certainly not just me, but for years since early childhood in fact, it has been commonly accepted by many, that americans in general are the biggest ignorant fools residing almost anywhere on the planet, yet they still do their damndest to have everyone believe what a great nation they are.
is it even beyond their comprehension how foolish they look often to the rest of the world, the fact that they have so little understanding of problems on the worldwide front?.
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5
I Shall Not Care
by Windchaser inwhen i am dead and over me bright april .
shakes out her rain-drenched hair, .
tho' you should lean above me broken-hearted, .
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LyinEyes
I love this poem. I am going to write this one in my journal,,, with a dedication to a certain person. This person will probably never see it, but ... I shall not care.......... I think this poem speaks volumns . Thanks for sharing it.
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Update on Mom
by Mulan inyesterday, before we went to dinner at mak and sabine's, a friend called me from the kh to warn me they had mom on the phone link for the meeting (their meeting is at 4pm).
i went downstairs to see what she was up to, since i had taken the phones out, to stop her from calling everyone in town to complain about the 'abuse she was suffering' at the hands of her daughter (me).
she was standing over the speaker phone (i had taken the hand set off), and she was furiously pushing buttons, and sobbing.
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LyinEyes
How long has this personality change been going on? Do you think she is having mental problems ? I say trust your instincts and do what you have to do to feel at peace with yourself. I think it would be a good idea to have her evaluated by a mental health professional, and see what they think. Then what ever the outcome is, you can feel you did the best you could for your mom, even if she hates you for it now. She could be treated with medication and therapy , and thank you for it later. You just can't know how it will turn out. My grandmother, was always a mean woman, but as she got older she was even worse. My aunt would pick her up for a doctors appointment and my grandmother would tell all kind of lies of how she was being abused by my aunt. She would say things like she was making her late on purpose and that my aunt was stealing her lipstick etc.
I think my grandmother had a mental illness way before she got old. She just got stranger and more outlandish with her stories of how people treated her. She refused to speak to me after my mom died. It was 16 yrs ago, and I heard from my aunt that she blamed me and my sister for my mom committing suicide. We were just barely 14 and 17 at the time. But honestly , I knew she was not right in her head, and it was a conflict between my mom and my grandmother that had went on for years. My grandmother passed the other week and I was not told about it. I heard it from some other relatives on my dad's side of the family. I guess my uncle , grandma's only beloved son, didnt want my sister and me there. So what can you do , when you try all you can to love and take care of your family, if they turn you away? I would say try all you can, and that way you can feel you did the best thing. I am so sorry you are going thru this. It must be hard to see your parents get older and have these problems. I am hoping that she can get on some kind of medication and see how good she has it with you . Sometimes committing someone to the hospital is the only way to save them. I will be thinking of you , and hoping things turn around for the better.
Much love , LyinEyes(Dede)
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Are you more interested now?
by In_between_days ini may be alone here, but are you more interested in jw docrines, change of docrines, watchtowers, km's and othe jw publications now that you are an ex member as opposed to when you were a witness?.
i realised this the other day, when i was cleaning out a wardrobe and there was a "knowledge" book, i got so excited and read the whole thing, looking up scriptures as i went when they were quoted.
(this was accompanied by a soundtrack of consistant scoffs, snorts and "what the hells".?").
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LyinEyes
Yeah, I am more interested. I have alot of new books on alot of different religions and many different Bible translations. I still have alot of my old books too. I have thrown out all of the magazines.
I was cleaning my kids room today, and ran across the old pink book, the great teacher book. I just couldnt throw it away. I have to say that book meant alot to me as a child. It made me love Jesus. It gave me the feeling that someone cared for me when things were going bad at home, about the time I was 7 or 8 . My dad always seemed like a different person when he studied this book with me, he was calm and it was nice to have him show a loving interest in me. Studing that book , several times, brings back some good memories I had . Even though my Dad is not what I thought he was, and has not had much to do with me since I was 18, I will always cherish the times we studied that book together. I guess it is hard to explain, why I feel that throwing that book away would be wrong for me. I dont think it has anything to do with JW teachings that are in the book, but just a favorite childhood book , an old ragged book you keep just because it was a part of you at one time . I even have my old pink song book ,,, it was my mom's and has her name signed in it. I could never throw away something that she wrote in, it is like I still have a little part of her still here. I can open the song book and see her handwriting and remember how we would stand together and sing those songs. It is not the message in the songs, or the jw teachings I am remembering fondly, it is just some precious few moments of feeling loved by my parents. I think that is why I stayed a witness for as long as I did, it gave me the only thing I had left after losing my family. It had always been there for me and was a security blanket. But there came a time a year ago, I had to leave it behind , or I would be forever stuck , stuck in the past, stuck in the untruths.
For everything you win, there's something lost.
Or you could say for everything you loose, there is something gained.
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What would it take for you to be happy
by kenpodragon inwhat would it take for you to be happy in life?
does it take the fall of the organization, or just one person?
or does it take something else completely unrelated to the witnesses?.
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LyinEyes
What would make me happy?
A 100% guarantee that my children will be happy, healthy and never experience any kind of pain.
Well, you asked. It is my deepest wish.
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"Once Upon a Time..."
by LucidSky ini had a fantasy once.
it wasn't so bizarre.
i'm certain that most people have wished that they would never have to die.
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LyinEyes
Dear Tera,,,I am so sorry you are going thru so much , it must be frightening. I am scared to death for my little boy, he is just 7 yrs old. He was born two and a half months early , and had a blockage in his urinary tract that caused kidney damage. We have done everything we can do, and he seems to be just fine, even stronger than any kid we know. But still,,,,,,,,, I am so afraid .....I can only imagine what you must be going thru. I can understand what you said about it hitting you all of a sudden in away, because there are many things, not as serious as your health , but things I never thought I would have to think about . I thought I would be in the New World by now. It has been a year since I left the JW, and things that I had filed away to deal with when the new world got here, I am having to deal with now. Like fear......... fear for my children,, I don't care about what happens to me really, if I didnt have children , I could just go on a live the rest of my life without too much care. But it is not that easy to just accept things when you have little ones to think about. They were also raised in the JW, and the youngest the 7 yrs old is the one who wants to know all about God, the universe, where will I go when I die, etc. I never knew being a mother could bring you so much joy, and at the same time cause so much pain. But I wouldnt change not having my children for one second. The New World just seemed like the greatest gift God could give us, everlasting life and we could be with our families forever. Maybe it will be like that somewhere. I hope so.
I hope that things go well for you Tera, you will be in my prayers . I still try to pray, not sure if anyone is listening, but somewhere in me, I feel there is. I am so thankful for all the doctors that took care of my son, without them he would not have made it. There are so many new medical options coming out everyday, so I hope that you will be able to find something to work for you. Take care of yourself and you are in my thoughts. ]
LyinEyes (Dede)
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"Once Upon a Time..."
by LucidSky ini had a fantasy once.
it wasn't so bizarre.
i'm certain that most people have wished that they would never have to die.
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LyinEyes
Rob, I feel the same way. I thought I was so secure in what would happen if my family died. I guess that is my worst fear. I lost my mother and I have never gotten over that. My youngest son almost died, and it was so painful to watch him struggle to survive. He is fine now, but I always worry that something might go wrong. When I had the JW beleif, I felt that we would be together forever, no matter what. Now I just dont know. I can't say I even beleive in God or the Bible anymore. I have lost all of my faith. I may have some hope left, that I will find the some truth or something I can trust in.
I think my experience of growing up JW has made it nearly impossible to ever trust man's words. I am glad that now I see that being JW was a fairy tale, but I do miss the secure feeling I thought I had. Even if it was false, I know it was, it was a big part of how I delt with my fears. Now I have to just learn to take things as they come. I don't think I will ever know for sure where we go when we die. I just know what you are talking about , the feeling of lose. But at least we have freedom, freedom to know the truth from a lie, and choose which road we will take. It has only been a year since I have been out, and I think my recovery and trust , will just take time. In the mean time I plan on focusing on my family and being happy. I am planning a trip to the bookstore soon, to get some new books on different theories and hopefully something will make some sense to me. I don't think there is only one way , one truth, I think that each person finds their own spirituality.
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Is God real to you?
by alias inin a recent topic someone mentioned how much they have drifted from god since they "left the jw's.".
as someone brought up in the org (inactive for several years)i have found this to be similiar in my case.
i don't know how much i believe the fan/plug analogy (remember that in the live forever book?
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LyinEyes
This is the burning question in my mind right now. I was was raised JW my entire life, until a year ago , when I walked away. When I walked I still beleived in Jehovah and thought he would read my heart, I was just sick of WT lies etc. In this last year I have felt a big spiritual void, I dont know if there is a God. I am almost sure that the Bible is unreliable fairy tales. So that leaves me with the problem of how to find out if I beleive in God, since I dont trust the bible anymore?
When I was growing up , I couldnt talk to my elder Dad, I talked to Jehovah. When I had problems as an adult , I didnt tell the elders then either, I talked to Jehovah. To meJehovah wasnot the WT, He was much more understanding than they could be .Or so I thought. Now it has come down to a matter of TRUST. I have lost my trust in God, because of the WT. I put my whole belief system on everything they said and they deceived me. Now I think, of all those years praying to God and it was all a made up relationship . A relationship I created in my mind, to soothe myself and to have some kind of peace of mind. I can't even trust myself anymore. I have many past childhood abuse issues and even as an adult the elders put me thru alot of guilt. Today I have no relationship with my JW father . I wonder if that is why I can't trust anymore? I want to beleive in the Bible and God. A few months ago , my main concern was where do we go when we die? I just had to know. Now it has turned to .. is there even a God? I need to do alot of research, but I think in the end I will still be in the same place I am right now, no answers. I think I may form some kind of theories, but I dont think it is possible to have absolute truth anymore. We can read thousands of books on many men's different ideas, but they are just that , men's/women's, interpertations. Now I am more inclined to beleive in scientific explanations.
It is very hard to THINK you know all the answers, as all JW's do. Then you feel like a rug is snatched from under you and you fall hard. Since I have accepted the fact the I had been in the dark about JW's for so long, and found out the lies they tried to keep for us, I just dont know how this will turn out for me. I just have the plan to try and study the best I can, be the best person I can be, and always keep an open mind.
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Disco Sucks!
by professor indoes anyone remember how the society joined the "disco sucks" movement of the late 70's?
i remember reading in the mags about how disco was created by homos and that it has an "immoral beat" (whatever that means!
) it was also mentioned not to go see "saturday night fever" because someone gets a blowjob in the movie.. in our congregation, we had a special meeting about disco because people would request disco songs at our once-a-month jw skating party at the local skating rink.
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LyinEyes
I too had the only normal activity of going to the skating rink on friday nite. I lived for that one day , Dad would try his best to screw me out of it. I had to clean , work, feed horses, anything he could think of to make me not have time to get my chores done in time. Like Cinderella!!!!!!! haha I always busted my butt so I would be able to go, even doing my little lazy ass sisters chores , because if I went my informer sister had to go. She would tell on anything out of line I did. We finally got over that when she decided to have some fun too.Haha We just made sure we were couple skating too late when dad would walk in to pick us up!!
But hey I loved disco,,,, the disco ball and all. You could really shake your boodie to that stuff.
Anything by Kc and the sunshine band. The Bee Gees, the Gap band had some good dance songs. So many more but cant recall who sang them all.
My favorite was Rod Stewart,"Do ya think I'm Sexy?" Wow , I still love that song.
My hub and I go out dancing everyweekend and the dance floor is wood , has lights flashing and making designs on the floor, and even a giant disco ball . It brings back happy memories and I am glad to be able to finish up what was finally taken away from me, my youth.
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Most Embarrasing Witness Moment from Childhood
by Perfection Seeker inanyone on here have a "most embarrasing witness moment" from childhood?
mine is from 7th grade- that was 20 years ago- but i still cringe when i think of it.
almost too hard to write down- but maybe it will be therapeutic & part of the healing process?
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LyinEyes
I have no idea what I just did above, computer ignorant!!!!!