There was a book written recently by a black guy about the fact that many black people have this "culture of a victim". Right now, I can't remember the title or the author. Many black people were outraged by it, but I tended to agree with him. And when I discussed that subject with a few black people I knew they tended to disagree with me. I have to agree that many times I have seen people of my race quick to blame racism any time something doesn't go their way. 'It's the man' 'They're trying to keep us down' 'We can't pass the SAT or ACT (these are college entrance exams in the US) because it's geared towards white people.' That last one in particular really ticked me off. Because in effect what they are really saying is that white people are inherently smarter than us. I passed the ACT sufficiently on the first go and I'm sure I could have gotten much higher scores on it if I had taken it a again and prepared even more for it. And many others do. And why do Asian people tend to do even better on it? In this area and others, sometimes people will approach situations with the expectation of failure and with perceived or real excuse in hand. Therefore they don't even try. Black people aren't the only ones who do this. It's just that many times black people have the same excuse for not trying. Other people's excuses might be: the boss or teacher doesn't like me. My parents didn't love me enough. I'm just not smart enough. The JW messed me up... etc. I refuse to go along with that approach to life.
On the other hand, I can understand many black people's bleak outlook on life although I don't agree with it. The fact is that the United State's ugly history of racism runs deep and whether you believe it or not, we are all still feeling the effects of its past ugliness. Also it still exists to some extent. The cards are still stacked against black people and other minorities in this country, and even with affirmitive action, whether you agree with it or not, minorities will have a harder time trying to get an education and be successful economically in this country. Race conditions here are MUCH better than in the past and I think they are still getting better but the problem exists. Resentment for past and present disadvantage exists and causes people to have some peculiar behavior. My dad even told me once that white people are racist. Sorry dad, that's just not true. That one goes in there with such general statements as "Wordly people don't care about you". Does that excuse the behavior of the man sally encountered? Not at all. Does that mean that anyone is doomed to be on welfare and live in poverty because of racial, economic or other disadvantage? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I am aware of my disadvantages, racial and otherwise, and I work to over come them. Many of us have disadvantages to overcome. Yes I'm black, and I may have to work 3(an arbitrary number) times as hard. So that's what I did. Just like the person who is handicapped and who may have to work 4 times as hard. They don't have to sit at home and cry over themselves. Many do the extra work and make a contribution and are successful at something. I feel very fortunate to live in a country and at a time where this is possible.
Sally, sounds like you handled the situation well. When people have a prejudice or prejudgment, we can either affirm or negate it by our actions. If the prejudice is negative and directed at us, hopefully we can prove them wrong by our actions as you seemed to do. Basically that's what I think this guy had. He had a preconceived notion or prejudice that you were out to harm him in some way. I try to approach all people with the expectation that they are nice and courteous, and hopefully they prove me right. And hopefully I live up to that basic expectation of others.
Maxwell