Hi there fella.
I'm with you 100% in your observations. But you've just got to keep on keeping on. It's gut-wrenchingly horrible and empty when you come up against this reality. But it is what it is.
I'm 59 now, and have pretty much believed in God all my conscious life. After 32yrs involved with this cult I'm not sure anymore. These b******'s have got a hell of a lot of explaining to do to the "big man upstairs" if he does exist, because they've destroyed this for me.
Please just breath and plan some small treats for yourself. Do something kind for a stranger if you are able to. I don't know what else to say.
Koko