Dan!
Wow! It is so strange hearing (or watching) someone write my almost exact feelings and almost exact experiences!!
I totally agree regarding the emotional abuse. Just hit me smack square in the nose and get it over with!!
Control -- yep know all about it! He would actually blame us for never being appointed as an elder. Lecture, after lecture on how we were bringing him down and how we needed to do more so that he could be appointed elder. It was all about control - he wanted to be in control of everything!
We all left the JWs in 1988 and he changed a lot after it; however, I maintained a very distant relationship with him until my mom left him a few years back and as of this year, we pretty much don't speak to each other and I'm hoping to slowly cut off the relationship entirely. He still tries to control with his little mind games, but it just doesn't work like it used to. I'm pretty much through with him. He just doesn't get it and will never change. I do not want my kids around him.
It's strange how the abuse has affected us kids. Luckily, the years of counseling I received has helped me to learn ways to effectively get across a point. Control has been a real issue for me. Not that I want to control everyone, it's just that I stress soooo much about things I cannot control and it just drives me nuts!!
I could tell story after story of the stuff my dad would do to us, but I still get emotional just talking about it. I cannot believe the similarities between our stories though!
Sleep deprivation -- I was going to say something about that in my last post. He would go nuts if any of us kids took a nap during the day!! We were called lazy, good for nothing...blah-dee-blah-blah-blah!
I remember telling my mom, I'd rather live on the street than live there!
My dad actually had his own business and would make us kids work for him WITHOUT PAY! We would all have to work at least 10-15 hours a week. That combined with all the JW stuff was just sheer torture for us! Imagine working for your dad!! Not very fun!
Scared to be alone with him -- I used to plan an escape route sometimes. I swear one night I thought I was going to have to jump from our 2nd story window -- really, really sad!!
There is still a hole on my bedroom door at the house from one night him kicking it in. I just don't even really rememer why we got in trouble. It was just stupid stuff. Heck, he'd throw fits for using his toothepaste or my sister grabbing one of his razors to shave her legs.
Why? I have no idea. What is so terribly wrong to make someone do that? I remember at 19, he threw a fit because I wasn't pioneering and ran at me with a metal cabinet shelf (he had an auto parts business and had these metal cabinets with flimsy metal shelves). By then, I'd had enough and yelled at him to do it, to JUST DO IT!!! That he couldn't hurt me more than he already had and I said a lot of stuff to him that day about what I thought of him. But it went right over his head. He apologized months later for that incident and asked me if I wanted to apologize! For what?? Being honest?
One night, my mom told us to be prepared, that we were going to have to leave. So I went to bed with my shoes on and made my sister do the same. As we were leaving in the middle of the night, he was sitting at the dining room table cleaning his guns. I cannot tell you the terror and horror he put us through. If my mom didn't have enough money for a hotel, we sometimes spent the night in the car. (spokane is quite chilly in the winter!)
My dad, like yours, physically abused my mom and emotionally abused us all. My dad would push my mom down stairs, etc. -- stuff too emotional for me to talk about. I hate that part of my life! I am glad I never have to be under his control ever again. I'm glad I never have to look at another one of the elders again who would tell us ways to not provoke my father.
Billygoat,
The screaming -- My heart races today if I imagine hearing his screaming voice. Back then, it would send me into shear panic.
I just want to say, that I am sooooooo sorry for everyone's experiences here!!! I know what it was like and it breaks my heart that these creeps can and do get away with it!! What wimps that they have to pick on women and children.
Waiting,
Thank you for your kind comments. I am so lucky in that I took my experiences and managed to find a guy who would never do these things. I know his stomach turns to hear my stories. He is so wonderful to me and he understands and is so patient with me.