It feels great to be free. It feels great to go out with old girlfriends for beer and wings. It feels great to walk down the street and smile at people i don't know. It feels great to have NO guilt on tuesday and thursday nights. It feels great to sleep in on the weekends. It feels great to openly question whatever i want to. It feels great to talk to other people that know the release of being out of the watchtower. It feels great to live for ME.
My ex came over last night to drop off some things. It was the only time I've cried since I've left. I've felt better than ever before about my life. I can't wait to go back to school and finish my degree. I can't wait to travel. But right now, I'm enjoying just BEING, each and every day is such a gift.
The what if's a creep up still. I'm sure that's normal for a while. When I heard about the seattle earthquake yesterday, for a moment , my stomach was in knots, and the old thoughts started to flow. I'm sure it will just take time. I think a big comfort for me is knowing that things just aren't black and white like the WT sees them. Knowing I am free to question that makes a huge difference.
Anyway, does anyone else find themselves looking at how glorious the world really is, and feeling glad for your place in it?? Though there are bad times, all in all, isn't it pretty damn good to be alive?
i have a question.... if the elders "catch wind" of something that could be a df'ing offense, and they ask for a judicial, if you don't show up or refuse to talk to them, can they disfellowship u in absence??
if they can, is there any legal action that can be taken against it?.
i've been threatened by my jw husband (we are separated) because i've met someone else...he is threatening to tell the elders i'm dating someone else ( though as of yet, no "fornication" has occured and it's long distance) if i don't write a letter of disassociation.
To all of u that have let me know your concern, thank you. Things are going ok for me, i guess i'm stronger than i thought. I'm coping well, and getting back to counselling as well. this whole decision has been coming for a while, but the fear kept me stagnant...
I don't want to submit to JW "rules" anymore. I want to just walk away, without all the junk. I think the reason my ex is pressing the issue is because he doens't want me "bringing reproach on Jehovah and his org." I don't have immediate family in the org, as it was my husband who brought me in. I just don't like the idea of being shunned. it's complete bullshit to me. i would rather just say, "shove it," and walk away.
the following is copied directly from the society's official website.
for any here who are familiar with the change in understanding of the 1914 generation, it may seem quite shocking.. the society put this information on their site *after* the change in understanding and have kept it there for the past five years!.
I was told when I studied (after the teaching was changed) that there would be some of the annointed still alive, because they would have to direct the work after armageddon. So i asked, while we're getting younger, will they still be getting old and dying, and of course i got some sort of bs answer about Jehovah just taking them...
It's all garbage if u ask me... but i guess it gives people hope..
i have a question.... if the elders "catch wind" of something that could be a df'ing offense, and they ask for a judicial, if you don't show up or refuse to talk to them, can they disfellowship u in absence??
if they can, is there any legal action that can be taken against it?.
i've been threatened by my jw husband (we are separated) because i've met someone else...he is threatening to tell the elders i'm dating someone else ( though as of yet, no "fornication" has occured and it's long distance) if i don't write a letter of disassociation.
If the elders "catch wind" of something that could be a df'ing offense, and they ask for a judicial, if you don't show up or refuse to talk to them, can they disfellowship u in absence?? IF they can, is there any legal action that can be taken against it?
I've been threatened by my JW husband (we are separated) because I've met someone else...he is threatening to tell the elders i'm dating someone else ( though as of yet, no "fornication" has occured and it's long distance) if i don't write a letter of disassociation. I wanted to be able to simply walk away quietly from the religion, but now wonder if that's possible.
ive been reading thesr posts for a while, thinking on them, pondering as the wt has recommended over the years.. having grown up as a witness, and having been involved in both the boring and the more exciting parts of the ministry, i know what it is like to be part of a team, and more importantly , i know what its like to be a team player on gods side.
and then one day, things start to unravel, the marriage, the relationship with bethel, the relationship with members in the congregations, and then, on another later day, suddenly you find yourself on the outside.. so, as time passes, a person begins to miss the association, the meetings, the laughter of the ministry groups, even the smell of the kingdom halls.....and effort is made to restore self to favour....and in time that too....comes to pass.. but here i am, a few years later, once more isolated, but this time by my own choice, beset by doubts and concerns over something that i held and hold sacred.. my circumstances have changed.
i chose the path of marriage again, to a wonderful person that has filled my life with contentment without the pressures of having to be an elder or an example to others in the christian manner, for those that are or have been in positions of oversight, you will know what this means...and yes my wife is one raised as a witness, and having her own journey that she may or may not choose to share with you...in any case, i feel priveleged to know her just for the decent human she is.. so, here i am, watching, reading, thinking....and i admit to being a little lost.. firstly, 607, it may or may not be correct, frankly my dears.... the ever changing date of armaggeddon...well that would appear to be a previousness on the part of the leading lights...after a while it gets tedious and a little self defeating.... the meetings and requirements for field service...well as i see it, the bible indicates it is a requirement to meet together, and furthermore a requirement to tell others about jehovah....the application of the principles have become (almost law,) in order to belong to the organisation known as jehovahs witnesses...that is a minor problem, despite the best efforts from co's and do's from the platform, the unoffical stance is that if you aint cutting it.. you aint spiritual.. now,where im at in this stream of time, along with all the confusion about what is right and what is wrong, i have to just look for other confirmations that jehovahs time is at hand...if indeed it is near at all.. man is now developing life in vacuums, primitive cellular structures it may be, but the leaps of testing criteria has been enhanced by the use of computers to cut time.... man has the ability (proven) to destroy earth.. man is killing the earth.. now if i was the creator, and he once before destroyed civilisation when they built the tower of babel, i would be thinking that soon they would know stuff they shouldnt know, and in any case, the earthdewellers are so dumb they will destroy themselves..id better start big a... my concern is,, that in the bigger picture..does it really matter if we get it so wrong, so many times and so quickly?
I was talking to the hubby over the weekend. I mentioned the fact that so much of what witnesses do seems to be driven by guilt. He said "yes, that's because they have a conscience." I said, "I don't think there's any reason though to feel guilty if u miss service or meetings, yet we're always being made to feel that way from the platform." He didn't say anything to that, but he knows I HATE how we're always be told to do more more more.
But it got me thinking HOW much the publications actually use guilt or fear tactics to get us to be "faithful witnesses." I can't help but wonder how many witnesses are driven more by fear or a guilty conscience. I know personally that it's a terrible feeling to have in u all the time...
I have written down many questions that were in your letter. My husband intends to try and answer them with the society's pubs... but I'm not holding my breath ;). I've been told if i'm just no so darn *negative* and if i just THOUGHT a little more and MEDIDTATED on what the society said, I'd get it. And if I didn't THINK so much about the unknowns I'd be more satisfied...
Sigh, sometimes i'd like to take the insight book and the bible and just smack all the brainwashed info right out of his head...
Eyes, I like how u think, and am looking forward to more of your posts.
u weren't so harsh, lol... i just want to explain (defend??) one thing... i don't think i've badgered him. On the contrary i have been quite quiet for the most part...i just want to do what's right, and find peace in my own mind... i just havne't figured out HOW yet.
Well, I broke down last night, and told my husband how I feel, and some of my doubts. We had a really long talk, and I thought maybe I had made some progress when we went to bed in each other's arms.
I asked him things I thought would make him think. WHY he beleives what he does- is it simply because he was raised JW? WHAT would he do if he found something in the Bible contrary to what JW's teach? He admitted he didn't know, and had some research to do.
He also asked if he tried to help me, would I attend meetings to help him... i never did say yes, but I know he's still counting on me to be there.
But this morning on the way to work, I realized something as he was talking, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. He said to me that I was making Jehovah happy. He said that one day I would know what he knows.
AND IT HIT ME. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY OF LIFE THERE IS TO HIM. THIS IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH AND FACT TO HIM. And while i sortof knew that, I don't think i realized the certainty of it. Does that make sense? I kept telling him, don't be so sure I will. I do not beleive what u do right now, and don't know that I will. He is confident in my ablitity to see the "truth," and thinks it is simply depression and negative thinking that has me feeling this way.
I feel even worse now... I am trying to read so lightly with him, and not bombard him with stuff, but he's missing everything I'm saying... Maybe I'm wrong for wanting him to see what I do in the "truth." To him it is truth, and who am I to challenge that.
He called me up about 10 minutes ago, and asked if i was looking at "bad stuff" on the internet. I lied and said no, because to me itisn't bad. To him, it is simply apostate lies. I told him lots of my questions were hanging on from long ago, when I discovered "apostate" sites... but i feel so dishonest:(
I wish I had some great suggestions for u eyes, but I don't. My eyes too are open to the "truth," but my husband's are not... I know the fear of losing family is overwhelming.
Say as little opposing the society as possible. The first thing that enters into JW's minds is apostacy...never "maybe that's something I should think about." It is a hard spot to be in, but be thankful your husband and parents are supportive. You will need them.
Live each day as u can, because, really, NONE of us know what tommorow will bring.
Sorry I can't be of more help, but all the best to you.
