Posts by dm6

20

Sorry about this absolutley CRAZY insight to my mind.

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. even thinking about typing this thread as i lay here in bed at 11.30 at night, is hard enough, but i found some sort of motivation to do it.. i dont expect a massive response really, i guess all i really want to do is empty my mind out and stop things whirring over and over.. i am worried for my brother (younger brother he is 23) he is in guernsey channel islands (uk) and is in and out of intensive care drugs etc an there are a thousand more strings attached.

(drugdealers after him, homeless, jobless, about to go to prsion long story).

its a worry for me as his older brother.

dm6

Goodnight for now everone. This is one of my favorites.

20

Sorry about this absolutley CRAZY insight to my mind.

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. even thinking about typing this thread as i lay here in bed at 11.30 at night, is hard enough, but i found some sort of motivation to do it.. i dont expect a massive response really, i guess all i really want to do is empty my mind out and stop things whirring over and over.. i am worried for my brother (younger brother he is 23) he is in guernsey channel islands (uk) and is in and out of intensive care drugs etc an there are a thousand more strings attached.

(drugdealers after him, homeless, jobless, about to go to prsion long story).

its a worry for me as his older brother.

dm6

cptkirk - Thanks man, for the uplifting advice. i have had a lot of friends who have done the same thing regarding taking their own life. My brother is kind of caught up in that crowd too.

I have an instinctive idea of what i have to do - in order to get things right again, motivation - and i think i will find that as soon as i have got myself working. I hate being inactive in general. i MUST be doing something.

broken Promises: i will not tell my doctor about these issues, i have done it all in the past and been thrown in a nut house and got no where, in fact i was fed seroquel (quetiapien) anti pychotic drug which basically turns you into a vegetable.

Regarding other medication i have been on long term use in the past of Fluoxetine Hydrocholoride (prozac), Citalopram, Propanalol and a number of others.

The only thing that has ever really worked for me Diazepam. I understand its addictive substance and i will do my best to not go down the route of getting re addicted.

On a slightly same but side note, would you care to PM me about your polyps? this is a really horrible thing for me to live with, i get constant headaches, wake up stuffy as hell, cannot smell or taste a thing, get tired a lot etc etc. What ops did you have? i have had 2 polypectomies anda FESS. but still they areback. I had my allergy testing done, turns out everything came back 0/10, but dog was a 3/10, and here is the worst, grass came back 10/10.

Full reaction to grass. Cant escape the bloody stuff its everywhere! lol

Anyway, sorry if my answers are quite brief for now, im trying to keep up, plust its now 1am.

20

Sorry about this absolutley CRAZY insight to my mind.

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. even thinking about typing this thread as i lay here in bed at 11.30 at night, is hard enough, but i found some sort of motivation to do it.. i dont expect a massive response really, i guess all i really want to do is empty my mind out and stop things whirring over and over.. i am worried for my brother (younger brother he is 23) he is in guernsey channel islands (uk) and is in and out of intensive care drugs etc an there are a thousand more strings attached.

(drugdealers after him, homeless, jobless, about to go to prsion long story).

its a worry for me as his older brother.

dm6

Cant Leave..thankyou for your words .. although this is a JW forum, its full of people with a lot of difficult life experiences and people of great understanding. I feel comfortable to be able to vent out for the first time about things.

And to Goldensky - you are a human being at their finest. Your words felt like you were talking to me as if i were next to you already.

I have my problems which i have listed, but i know just as the next person we all have problems each and everyone of us. some not as bad, some much worse than mine. but until now given that i have some sort of personality disorder i havent been able to talk openly to anybody, ever. For the first time in a very long time i feel i have made a connection with people, real honest genuine people. Thankyou ALL.

tralfamadorian, i cant thankyou enough. - You have a PM.

20

Sorry about this absolutley CRAZY insight to my mind.

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. even thinking about typing this thread as i lay here in bed at 11.30 at night, is hard enough, but i found some sort of motivation to do it.. i dont expect a massive response really, i guess all i really want to do is empty my mind out and stop things whirring over and over.. i am worried for my brother (younger brother he is 23) he is in guernsey channel islands (uk) and is in and out of intensive care drugs etc an there are a thousand more strings attached.

(drugdealers after him, homeless, jobless, about to go to prsion long story).

its a worry for me as his older brother.

dm6

Hello everybody.

even thinking about typing this thread as i lay here in bed at 11.30 at night, is hard enough, but i found some sort of motivation to do it.

I dont expect a massive response really, i guess all i really want to do is empty my mind out and stop things whirring over and over.

i am worried for my brother (younger brother he is 23) he is in Guernsey Channel Islands (UK) and is in and out of intensive care drugs etc an there are a thousand more strings attached. (drugdealers after him, homeless, jobless, about to go to prsion long story)

its a worry for me as his older brother. and our older brother just has a first child to the family, my parents first nephew.

No one is there to see him, we are here in NZ. Me, my mother father and little sister.

i am gaining a lot of weight due to being bored and jobless, also becasue of medication i have to take (prednisolone - has a massive side effect of osteperosis and weight gain) because of a horrible thing i keep getting over and over. Nasal polyps. they keep growing in my nose and it blocks it completely so i cannot smell or taste. it is the absolute worst thing that could happen to me because i am a chef and i am asthmatic.

I have had 3 operations to have them removed but they grow back straight away, and these pred tabs do help to shrink them but only short term.

I am worried about my family were all living in a small flat whilst my mum is the only personworking. My dad is an architect and cannot find work anywhere here. Its a first time things have actually been this bad.

aside from all of this i am awaiting for my visa papers to arrive to see if it is all approved, if it is not, then i am royally F***KD.

i have had them approved in the past but since returning to the UK and back to NZ again i now got myself a nasty police record there, due to an addiction to Diazepam.

I went to the doctors last week fed up of everything. Glazing around and not being so alert like my usual self, slumping around kicking my heels.

i got a prescription of valium again, and i felt great. the 20 tablets were gone within 5 days , i went back today and claimed i lost them and got another 20.

these few things i mention here are a mere fraction of what is really going on in my life. i guess im just venting out things which are constantly on my mind.

I wish to .........whoever........... thigns were not how they are.

Life has never been happy for me. i would use the words life has never been easy, but its not been for most. but the words that would suit for me is happy.

I am a very individual character, i never get close to people and cannot find motivation inside me anywhere to DO something. To actually go out and ACHIEVE something. Make a REAL friend, someone who i can enjoy their company.

Or even a girlfriend for that matter.

I have been single now for a good 4 to 5 years. and no, i havent slept around, i dont miss it because i have practically forgotten what its like !

i lack an incredible amount of confidence in myself, and i wish i was a different person. I would always always always ask God WHY have you made me into this complete nutcase.

Why cant i be happy and live anormal life. Why cant people accept me for who i am, because i beileve the problem stems from my personality.

its weird. Its not a normal personality. I might come across normal if i were to meet you and you didnt know anything about me, for a brief encounter, but to KNOW me, i dont really know how people percieve me. I try to put on a smile and be happy around others to create a great energy.

But deep down, i am not happy and suicidal.

I am not always like this, i do tend to be normal but i dont think i have experinced a TRUE happy emotion in my life.

As we all know, the things we go through in life mould us who we are today.

I have had a shit life i would say, working in a chef industry, being treated like garbage, a bringing up by a moderately abusive father obsessed with control, and its brought bitterness out in me, yet i am a loving caring person.

If i were to see someone hurt or unable to help themselves for whatever reason i would be the first to give up what i could to help them.

yet every now and then i get these horrific spurts of suicide, which i know i would not follow through with, but its just there in my mind.

i have arms and wrists covered in scars which i used to slash away, not for attention, in fact i always kept it secret. i did this because i wanted to feel SOEMTHING. to feel ALIVE.

I think i am going through a pretty emotional stage again right now, possibly due to the fact that i cannot work for another month or so, plus all of the above reasons.

I know this will pass as it always does. I just want to vent. not looking for sympathy, beileve me thats the last thing i want, i assure you, just nice to get it out of my mind and share a very indepth insight to my mind, from one human being on this planet, to you few others.

Maybe some of you could relate to my brutal honesty, perhaps not.

Pyschiatric wards do not work for me, been there done that. i felt out of place.

perhaps my problem is, and i have ALWAYS thought this about myself, perhaps i THINK TOO MUCH!

Anyway, if you have read this far i give you my applause.

I actually feel better already strangely enough. Nice how it can make you feel reileved to vent out your mind.

Im going for a smoke now. im sure the devil is stood right by my side

20

Thinking about loosing my friends ....

by Dudu in

jw
friends

i think the harddest part of all this process of fading is losing friends .... ive been jw all my life and my all my close friends are jw ... im sad.

dm6

i feel bad for you becaus this sort of thing is very important in life. I wish i could understand your feelings im sure its tough. I cannot relate, i am a very lonely person and have never really had a "real" friend. never really knew why. i guess it will always be like this for me.

Dont let me go off topic here, keep your chin up friend. Im sure with your personality you wil make new friends in no time.

35

The Most bizzare & Scariest thing happened to me last night

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. i wanted to share something with you all about something that happened to me last night.. i usually get these things called sleep paralysis, which is where you are alseep and you wake up and you think, oh ill get up now or soemthing, so you go to get up and you cant.. your actually paralysed.

but the strange thign is your awake....?

its very very hard to explain.

dm6

i wont go into doctor records for a number of reasons, few health issues, got a 3rd op coming up. had a physical exam about 2 months ago for my visa to be in NZ :)

But its pointless mentioning this SP because people who never had this never understand and think your dreaming !

35

The Most bizzare & Scariest thing happened to me last night

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. i wanted to share something with you all about something that happened to me last night.. i usually get these things called sleep paralysis, which is where you are alseep and you wake up and you think, oh ill get up now or soemthing, so you go to get up and you cant.. your actually paralysed.

but the strange thign is your awake....?

its very very hard to explain.

dm6

hello everybody and thanks one again for all of your responses! its been much bigger than i actually thought.

I feel i need to make something clear a bit here, as we are going off topic a little.

Yes sleep paralysis is a common thing and happens to a lot of people, (especially me) and i also beileve it is heireditary. My mother gets it quite often too.

it can be very scary, and yes to a certain extent it can also be controlled whilst you are experiencing it.

As i said in my OP, i do have SP, but this is NOT SP. it is different, it was weird - much different. I was totally awake during this paralysis of my body and the first time ever i could actually open my eyes and look around and everything and see things etc (my room and bed etc) i was totally conscious just as you are reading this thread. but i couldnt move my body and was fully aware about my body being paralysed.

Very very scary.

Anyway, its great that we are all discussing this SP and everyones experiences from it. I guess its a life long thing people suffer with.

i was just wondering if maybe....... just perhaps...... it could be soemthing for my future to do with some sort of illness im due to expect.

Something like stephen hawkins.

35

The Most bizzare & Scariest thing happened to me last night

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. i wanted to share something with you all about something that happened to me last night.. i usually get these things called sleep paralysis, which is where you are alseep and you wake up and you think, oh ill get up now or soemthing, so you go to get up and you cant.. your actually paralysed.

but the strange thign is your awake....?

its very very hard to explain.

dm6

Hey guys! nice response so far thanks! i knew some people would be able to relate to it, since its actually quite common, sleep paralysis. But this experience was much different, i was fully awake but just paralysed, almost like a snake bite, awake and conscious completely, butcannot move. This was not my usual sleep paralysis.

I just wondered if i was in for some stephen hawkins type disease, that would totally horrify me, being completely paralysed.

Thanks to everyone so far! makes me feel at ease a bit that people can relate, although this is a different feeling to my usual SP.

And btw cptkirk, yes it does have everythign to do with that! its my in game name for the popular game Quakelive.com my name is dm6, like the map campgrounds.

here is my youtube channel for it.

35

The Most bizzare & Scariest thing happened to me last night

by dm6 in

hello everybody.. i wanted to share something with you all about something that happened to me last night.. i usually get these things called sleep paralysis, which is where you are alseep and you wake up and you think, oh ill get up now or soemthing, so you go to get up and you cant.. your actually paralysed.

but the strange thign is your awake....?

its very very hard to explain.

dm6

Hello Everybody.

I wanted to share something with you all about something that happened to me last night.

I usually get these things called sleep paralysis, which is where you are alseep and you wake up and you think, oh ill get up now or soemthing, so you go to get up and you cant.

Your actually paralysed. But the strange thign is your awake....? but still asleep..? its very very hard to explain. your conscious that your awake in your mind and your trying to think of a way to wake yourself up, and yet you cannot function any part of your body not even open your eyes, except your brain. I actually WILL myself to wake up but then you get these horrible sense of impending doom. its almost like an out of body experience.

I have this quite often, to the point that its now become the norm and im used to it, so when it happens to me, im laying there thinking oh S**T, just bear with it until i wake up and snap out of it.

But,.... this is not what happened to me last night.

Last night, i woke up around 10pm (fell asleep around 7pm for a few hours kip since i got up at 4 am previously) had a drink etc, and went to go back to sleep.

Now you know that point in your sleep just before you clock out, literally that millisecond before its lights out to the land of nod, i didnt fall asleep, but i became completely paralysed but i was wide awake and able to look around, see with my eyes my surroundings, but couldnt finction anything.

It was absolutely horrifying, becasue not only this, during this was happening to me, i will try to describe as best as i can this feeling that came with it.

The feeling was like - imagine the sound of a bass speaker going from mild to loud gradually...like a building up of a drone sound from quiet to loud.

The feeling was that sound, in my whole body i lay there and could feel this weird building up of this horrible feeling and quicker than a snap of your fingers it was gone and i was lookig around wondering when it was gonna stop, then realized i could move, and i lay upright scared out of my mind.

Also, the last few days i have been telling myself i think i am becoming an athiest etc or even agnostic, because of a long long story i wont go into here.

But during all this was happening to me i was saying to God in my mind to please please help me get out of this. And it did which was good. I dont know if that was an act of God, i am even sceptical right now, but it just suprised me that i did pray quickly as i have professed to myself that he almost doesnt exist (unsure) and yet that was the first thing i did.

Anyway, God and religion aside, this was a very bizzare and worrisome experience i had, and i wonder if im in store for some horrible health problem in the future. Is this a sign which will lead to some paralysing disease of some sort?

Aside from this very different experience i had, has anyone else ever had the first things i mentioned... sleep paralysis. It wasnt SP i had last night, it was much much different.

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out, just wanted to vent this out, im 24 and as sad as it seems i really dont have any friends i can talk to, im new to NZ here and i have some weird social anxiety about meeting new people etc.

I would tell my parents but they have way too much going on right now (little brother is about to go to jail and a drug addict)

Thanks,

Darren

58

Have your prayers EVER been answered?

by nicolaou in

have you ever prayed for something and actually gotten what you asked for?

specific examples would be nice to hear about.. .

nic'.

dm6

leaving watchtower WOW! nice post. I was going to mention that the other day. If god performs miracles and answers peoples prayers, then how about healing an amputee? i never see that happen.