morrisamb

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Posts by morrisamb

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  6

  Disclosure: Can it make a difference?

  by morrisamb in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  i just spent 3 hours last night talking with a witness who is visiting my mother from another country.

  even though i am diassaccociated, she listened to my story.. she said that she totally understood that since i was introduced to jehovah by the same person who sexually abused me, how could i believe in his faith?

  i explained that molesters who use "faith" of any kind to enable them to abuse, destroy their victims' ability to trust a higher power, thereby, isolating the child further.

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  morrisamb

  I agree fellow Canadian Lady Lee, people are listening and responding. I just got these emails today(edited versions to protect identity) from someone who wanted to post on this web site but wasn't a member. They had seen some info. on my book here. Talk about a day brightener! At the very least we know that our stories are helping people feel no longer alone and part of a global network. Dear Donald: I have not figured out yet how to sign up on Jehovah's-witness.com, so I can post yet! ..... I would like the title of your book and I would hope that the Panorama expose on Sunday will mention your work. Have you posted on Silentlambs? You would be a great help for many people. I have read posts from Canada that the problem of child sexual abuse is worse and that they get very little time in jail if at all. There is one woman .... who is afraid of being killed if she speaks up and says that she would have to move and change her identity. You need to at least let silentlambs - who by the way are not so silent anymore, know about your book, so that they can read it. It is people like yourself that will make the difference. ..... Child abuse is spiritually degrading - I have struggled all my adult life ... I am just now able to "feel" entitled to God's love and forgiveness. Do you know about Post Trauma Stress?? There is an excellent resource patiencepress.com or org. not sure. She is an expert and I found her material very accurate and clarifying. I was just looking at your e-mail address [ [email protected]] - fathers touch. Sounds familiar. Is this the title of your book?? I am so sorry that you had to experience child sexual abuse - and I am sorry that your mother let him stay. My children were sexually abused ..... They still bear the scars each one of them. Lots of grief. Anyway, Donald I will look for your book and I will tell others about it. I have found that God is faithful and that his hand is on those who have experienced atrocities and don't hate. The lack of hate in your heart is God's hand on you. ..... I am a truth seeker, hate lies and any twisting of reality - this is God's hand on me; I take no credit for this. God is faithful - not us. Religion is politics and has nothing whatsoever to do with the faithfulness of God. But I think you know this already. ________ ________ [I thanked for her kind thoughts and after going to my web site www.fatherstouch.com she emailed me again....] Dear Donald What I have read so far is very succinct - you have an incredible gift for writing. I will post on Silentlambs and I will email Bill Bowen. This book needs to be read my alot of people. I might buy one to send to the WTS. Every therapist should read it and every University should require it for reading. I am not flattering you- I am serious. So you do know about PTS - of course.... I only thought Vietnam vets has PTS. I just thought I was "crazy" and everyone else had their opinion/ridicule/judgement etc.... of me. .....You mentioned "Touched by an Angel," --that program was the first time I could even conceive that God might love me. "God loves you..." That was about 5 years ago. I have come a long way. I am a hell-raiser now!!! Two years ago I started uncovering every single lie I have believed. I have alot to say about lies and how they take our "image" away and drain us of our life force. We are made in God's image and the lies are to make us in the image of the liar. No, I had not been to your web site before. ...n ever ever forget that God love's you - he has given you more than the gift of writing, but also the gift of insight, your intelligence, your compassion for your siblings and your mother - you have been deeply loved and touched by God. Warm regards, _________ __________
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  6

  Disclosure: Can it make a difference?

  by morrisamb in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  i just spent 3 hours last night talking with a witness who is visiting my mother from another country.

  even though i am diassaccociated, she listened to my story.. she said that she totally understood that since i was introduced to jehovah by the same person who sexually abused me, how could i believe in his faith?

  i explained that molesters who use "faith" of any kind to enable them to abuse, destroy their victims' ability to trust a higher power, thereby, isolating the child further.

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  morrisamb

  Thanks waiting! Yes, Donald it is.

  It was so funny..when I was talking with the Witness, I could tell my Mother was uncomfortable in a way...it was like I was reverse witnessing...and she didn't want me to influence the Witness. Even so, my Mother agrees that the Elders should have done more!

  Another point I made was that my siblings and my own baptisms were not real...we had so many problems and we did what we felt we had to do to have this special feeling they all had...We didn't want to live forever on paradise earth as much as we just were trying to do the right thing. So because we tried to do what's best (including baptism) we pay for it now because they all won't talk to us. What is so ridiculous is that much of our problems initially had to do with the fact that we had to live with our molester 3 more years after the abuse was discovered (with continued abuse)! So the same people who did NOTHING for us won't talk to US!! How absurd, self-righteous and presumptious. This Witness understood my point of view and said that God is judge, not man.

  Hey there's hope yet, eh? Yeah, I am Canadian!
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  6

  Disclosure: Can it make a difference?

  by morrisamb in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  i just spent 3 hours last night talking with a witness who is visiting my mother from another country.

  even though i am diassaccociated, she listened to my story.. she said that she totally understood that since i was introduced to jehovah by the same person who sexually abused me, how could i believe in his faith?

  i explained that molesters who use "faith" of any kind to enable them to abuse, destroy their victims' ability to trust a higher power, thereby, isolating the child further.

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  morrisamb

  I just spent 3 hours last night talking with a Witness who is visiting my mother from another country. Even though I am diassaccociated, she listened to my story.

  She said that she totally understood that since I was introduced to Jehovah by the same person who sexually abused me, how could I believe in HIS faith? I explained that molesters who use "faith" of any kind to enable them to abuse, destroy their victims' ability to trust a higher power, thereby, isolating the child further. If children can't "turn" to God, who can they trust? How many times did I hear my abuser say, "Thou must honour your father and mother!"

  I also said, that while the congregation disfellowshipped my abuser, they did nothing for us victims because they sent us home with him. Hence, they helped my molester isolate us further, as the brothers and sisters visited us even less because of his excommunication! Even the Elders told us children, yet again, "Thou must honour your father and mother!"

  This Witness said that my sitation was just like the priests and their victims. "How could anyone expect those children to trust their faith, when they were introduced to it by their abuser?" she said. "Your book will do a lot to help us all understand this situation better. Many people just don't realize how dangerous a man like your father is. That he should have been removed your home, the community and not just the Kingdom Hall."

  So maybe individually our honesty, our stories, our humanity can make a difference. It already has to countless silent victims who found strength in knowing they are not alone and not to blame.
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  100

  Age Sex Location Occupation Anyone?

  by Perfection Seeker in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  33 female iowa massage therapist happily married no children (yet).

  anyone else?

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  morrisamb

  41, Male, London, Ontario, Canada, Writer, happier than ever with partner, 3 Siamese cats and a cockatail
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  11

  JW RAPE

  by crawdad2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  the 16 yr old girl get's raped by a 26 yr old ministerial servant,.

  so she goes to the elders about it.. the elders arrange a judicial committe meeting and listen to both sides of the story......... then they go to a room for five minutes and come back, and tell her that they are going to privately reprove both of them.........."furious", she asks what she is being reproved for, and they say "fornication".. they remind both of them to not gossip about it or tell anyone.. because it will bring reproach on jehovahs organization.. the girl, then goes to other elders, and appeals the elders decision, and complains that she got raped!!!

  !.....she gets another committe meeting,,,,,they quickly come to the same decision and warn her to keep quiet,,,,,,,she goes to other elders.....they promise to help her...they believe her, ...days go by.........months go by...........she is in a meeting when they announce that brother rapist has been given a part on the assembly.........everyone claps........she goes back to the elders asking them how it is that he just got a part on the assembly, when he just raped her............they start reminding her to be submissive to the lead or they will take action,.....she can't keep quiet........they anounce that she has been reproved.........she starts speaking out against the whole body of elders,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,bingo, she is disfellowshipped for apostacy, and there is no value to her claims at all,,,,,,,,she was just an apostate fornicater, trying to smear a nice brother.....

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  morrisamb

  LB...Your story reflects an attitude among Elders I've encountered...One told me, "I always judge women harsher than men. 'Cause women have more control of their sexual impulses. It's harder for a man..."

  And I remember one teenage girl confiding in me after I had left the Witnesses (because I had went public with my abuse), that a young, engaged pioneer (who was also related to her) had been "touching me inappropriately for a couple of years". She finally went to the Elders and they made her feel guilty. At first they didn't believe her. Then, when the pioneer confessed, "Why did you wait so long to tell us? Why now? Brother _______is doing so well..." He was privately reproved only. I remember the fear in the girl's voice. "What should I do? They made me feel guilty."

  Silence is the enemy.

  History is important.

  We must keep telling our stories.
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  53

  Gay Pride Week: Who's Celebrating & How?

  by Fire Dragon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  how many of us xdubs are glb or t?

  (gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender).

  this weekend i'll be celebrating with friends and "family" over burgers and beer!

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  morrisamb

  Here is my contribution to gay pride!

  Kattow Azzya: Nurse Betty?

  By Donald D'Haene

  Kattow [prounced Cat-u] Azzya is a one-of-a-kind personal support worker in a London nursing home. Not wishing to be upstaged by his environment, we dished at his abode.

  A lot of your jobs have been in the service of other people. Coincidence?

  I love to give. Im caring. The older people I deal with Im silly and crazy. We have fun.

  They probably treat you better than anyone?

  Yes, except for the very young, before theyve been influenced by their parents prejudices.

  Did you always know you were different?

  Yes.

  Do you ever make fun of people who are different?
  

  Of course. I live in a city that is predominately white and straight, so why not? I said to one guy, "Youll remember me for the rest of your life. I wont know you in ten minutes!"

  Are you too much for London?
  

  No, just enough.

  Im sure your first employer didnt think so.
  

  McDonalds. When people said nasty things to me, my boss would side with the customers. But people would drive by just to see me!

  You must have been great for business.
  

  Yes, I had regulars, but some were nasty. One guy pulled down his trousers at the drive thru and said, "How about some of this? I said, No thank you. I dont watch Pee Wees play house. And a woman kept returning yelling, Fag and Coon. I realized it didnt make a difference what I said, so I thought Id say what I thought would make a difference. One day she took off her top, flashed these enormous breasts they must have been a double D and shouted, What do you think of these, honey? I replied, Now I know where silicon valley is. That one time my boss did say, Why didnt you call me over? I dont wonder why.

  You do answer back with attitude. Does that invite retribution?
  

  What am I supposed to do? Cower into a hole. I give them a spade and tell them to dig their own hole. That does get me in trouble. Ive been slapped and slugged. This is London. You either learn to deal with it and get used to it or you collapse.

  If you cut your hair, wore basic black and took your make up off, youd have less trouble, wouldnt you? So doesnt part of you go, What the hell, I might as well go all out?
  

  You know, I tried toning down, even bought some sneakers and I still received all the comments.

  Kattow, you travel with Tinky Winky on your back.
  

  Colour me purple! I bought it the year of the Tella Tubby controversy. People didnt appreciate it. I even stopped traffic. I wear it just to cause a disturbance. Why not be someone with a little more flair?

  Ever try transit?
  

  When I wear my stilettos and my sequinned mini-skirt with a bell underneath. Every time I walked, it rang. The women were terrified. I said, Dont worry. I have my own purse.'

  Which do you take more offence to? Deragatory remarks about your race or your orientation.
  

  Race. When I lived in Manitoba, people threw garbage lids at me and spat at me. Its the thing that people used in many places Ive lived to call me down so its the very thing I use to bring me up. People ask, Where did you get that attitude from? I say, Im black. It comes with the colour. One guy in a church said, Black people did not come first. I could have called him a powder flower or chicken glaze. Instead, I said, I can prove you wrong. We came first. The Bible says, In the beginning there was darkness, and then there was light. Thats when the real problems came.

  What do you do with your pain?
  

  I dont deal with baggage. I post it. Seriously, the church has always been my sanctuary.

  Then you are one of the lucky ones.
  

  And I will always be grateful.

  So you embrace the pain?
  

  I make use of it and I make light of it. If you call me out youre going to get it back. If Im going to walk on thin ice, I might as well dance.

  What do you believe Christ thinks of people who are cruel or prejudiced to people who are different?
  

  The Bible says, What you do unto the least of these you do onto me. One woman said to me, How can you go to church? I said, On two legs like the rest of you.

  Do you think God laughs at you?
  

  I think Hes getting a big kick out of this. Im not hurting anyone. Theres nothing wrong with the way I am. Im just me.
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  43

  How to reason with a rapist.

  by flower in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  (title modified per request).

  and to think, i thought i was valuing my precious gift of life so much that i was willing to sumbit to a violent crime in order stay alive.

  how twisted my thinking.

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  morrisamb

  Re-reading the original post's quotes from Witness literature I wanted to vomit!

  Would they say the same of a male being approached by a rapist? Is a male who wears a slinky tank top and cut offs dressing suggestively and asking for it?

  No wonder children do not find comfort with these men of God when they disclose abuse. Now I understand why the Elders asked me, as a child, those cold questions so many years ago...What did you do? How often? I bet they were really wondering why I didn't 'scream' 'fight back' ...it all makes sense to me now. They really believed I was involved in a sin!!!!

  It's too late for the boy I was, but I take comfort in the fact I'll never have to sit in front of those men, ever again.
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  95

  Top STUPID criticisms of the WTS

  by JanH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  there are certainly enough valid criticisms of the wts and the jw religion, but a significant number of often-repeated criticisms of the religion are, imnsho, just ludicruous and serves to take attention away from the real issues.

  significant problems with the wts includes, but are not limited to, the shunning policy, the blood issue and of course the corporate policy of hiding child molestors.. here is a list of criticisms of the wts that i find particularly annoying to see:.

  russell was a freemason (or, even worse, the wts is part of some other large-scale conspiracy like the illuminati).

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  morrisamb

  Jan, great thread! You sound like one reasonable guy!

  For two decades now, once someone knows I used to be a Witness, I get every criticism imaginable vented at me. I often find myself defending them!! ie. I had someone argue with me that Witnesses weren't allowed to play cards! I'm not sorry to say, I correct such ridiculous misconceptions.

  Some others I've heard:

  1. Witnesses ...aren't allowed to dance.

  2. can't drink

  3. don't believe in Jesus

  4. don't believe in God

  5. don't believe in the "real" Bible

  6. aren't allowed to go to the doctor

  AND SO ON, AND SO ON....

  Perception is relative but I have no doubt that I was brainwashed; that confessing sins to 3 men of God was not beneficial; that it is disgusting that women have to confess to "men" of God without another female present; that women and children are treated NOT EQUAL; and that a % of Witnesses are self-righteous and judgemental!
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  9

  Excellent POV film on PBS last night

  by jukief in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i watched a very interesting and touching program on pbs last night (tuesday).

  it portrayed a mormon family, the smiths, as they dealt with some very devastating circumstances.

  the husband was a closeted gay for many years who ended up getting aids and bringing it home to his wife.

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  morrisamb

  Julie, when I got home last night, imagine my surprise to find my Witness mother watching the show. She says, "You should look at this."

  It was an inspiring documentary. Would that all families would be so loving and understanding during such painful experiences. My mother did need to keep saying, "He admitted he sinned." Nevertheless, she was touched by the program and the compassion shown.
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  129

  SUICIDE IN KH PARKING LOT

  by Sabine in

  1. social
  2. current

  last saturday, a former ministerial servant and pioneer committed suicide in the woodinville washington kingdom hall parking lot.

  he was disfellowshipped several years ago, and according to the old sister that related the story to me today, he was depressed because no one would talk to him.

  i don't know how i kept calm when she explained to me that "we couldn't talk to him...he was disfellowshipped.".

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  morrisamb

  What a tagedy! Unfortunately all too familiar...

  I remember an Elder telling me when I confided that I had been suicidal: Suicide is worse than murder. We argued a bit, but he WAS the Elder, I was a teenager. I actually was on the ball enough to realize that this guy was just adding one more guilt trip on me.

  When my (then teenage) brother swallowed a bottle of pills in a suicide attempt a couple of weeks after being dissasociated, no one sent cards or visited him in the hospital except us. The whole experience was surreal, because in some ways, it was like my brother was someone who didn't exist anymore to our whole peer system (the Witnesses). We didn't discuss our feelings with anyone. I remember regular meeting attendance was more important than dealing with the situation. Instead of asking why did my brother reach this point, it was more like, "no wonder" "How could he do this to us?"

  I think this forum is a wonderful place for people who feel isolated and need to reach out and talk to others who can understand their feelings.