Hey - I really empathize with ya!
The fears you experience are natural when someone is ripped out of a cult or disassociates themselves from one. You have to almost learn a new way of life. Yes! God gives you a conscience and allows you to have free will. You have to learn to trust in yourself and your decisions. The Jehovah of the Watchtower is not the God I love now. (I beleive in orthodox chrisitianity.) You will also have to learn that NO ONE can give you all the answers. If they can, then they are a cult, or liars. NO ONE can know all there is to know about God. Religion is not the way to God. Jesus said that He was the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE. He never said that he would have a religion that would be the Way , the "TRUTH" or the Life. Your fear of death stems from their constant teachings of death without the Watchtower. Trust me, I KNOW!! I've been out for 7 years, (I was born and raised in the WBTS), and still struggle with this issue. The difference is from the beginning to now, I know why I feel this way, and know that GOD knows that I was religiously abused. I know that He understands and loves me regardless. Time really does help. And although you will never forget, you will have to learn to cope.
By the way, when I left, first I felt angry, then scared, and now, I feel pity. It's literally a greiving process you will go thru.
If I can be of any help, let me know.
ofcmad
"Noah was a drunk and look what he accomplished." The Metatron/ Dogma