Yomi7,
I am delighted that your experience with Jehovah's Witnesses thus far has been a "good story."
Actually, our stories are quite similar. I was about 14 when I decided that I could not believe the Trinity and thus spoke to my Lutheran pastor about it. He agreed that I should not be confirmed if I still had doubts. That began my long search for a religion in which I could believe wholeheartedly. The first place I went was the Catholic church, because it claimed to be the direct apostolic link between modern day religion and the original disciples of Christ. But I could not agree with the Mary-olatry, praying to saints, or the transubstantiation doctrine (that the bread & wine actually become Christ's body and blood when prayed over at mass). Then I went to the synagogue (Reform) because the Jews were God's specially chosen people and perhaps they were correct in thinking Jesus was only a good Jew gone wrong, so to speak. But I could not renounce my faith in Jesus Christ. I visited various other Protestant denominations, until finally, I accepted began a study with the Jehovah's Witness mother of a classmate.
I, too, thoroughly enjoyed all that I was learning from the Bible! And Helen was SO enthusiastic! By now I was 17 and it seemed my search was ended. I had found a Christian religion that did not teach the Trinity and that claimed to be structured just like the church in the 1st century. Jehovah's Witnesses had met MY criteria.
Interestingly, I was convinced without ever attending meetings. I went once or twice only to the Kingdom Hall with my fleshly sister who was also interested and studying with another sister. I went mainly to help her with her two young children. I also began attending a Congregation Book Study where the Bible book of Ezekiel was being studied. This was very deep and confusing for me. The study conductor was kind and took the time to try to help me where I was not getting it.
Well, it came to be that I went overseas at 19, and though I studied on my own overseas and remained chaste (a difficult thing, believe me!), when I returned I met the man who would become my husband four years later. I decided that I loved him and could not follow the admonition to "marry only in the Lord", that is, find a Jehovah's Witness to marry. I was in love with him, a divorced Catholic who was 9-1/2 years older than me. (We are still married -- 23 years next Sunday.) So, I, who had never progressed to dedication and baptism, faded away and lived my life. But it wasn't so easy.
What you must understand is that this was in the early 70's. Jehovah's Witnesses were busy everywhere predicting that Armageddon was coming "very soon." In fact, it was strongly intimated that 1975 would be the year (but no one knew precisely the day and hour because Jesus said they couldn't be known -- Matthew 24:36; Acts 1:6,7.) I bought into the nearness, and so decided that for me, I'd rather live the rest of my life WITH this man who was to be my husband, knowing I was certain to be annihilated, than to reject him and his love, waiting for the right Witness guy to come along.
But 1975 came and went. Nonetheless, when I became pregnant with my eldest, I worried about her religious upbringing. I thought about how much I had learned and believed that the Witnesses had taught me.
One of the things they had taught me was that I was responsible for my child's everlasting life until that child reached an age where it could make its own stand for "the truth." So when my husband failed to educate her in his religious beliefs, I stepped in to prevent her death at Armageddon. I could willingly die myself, but I would NOT be responsible for the death of my daughter should Armageddon arrive (soon!) before she was able to make her own choices.
I started a study with the P.O.'s wife. Enjoyed my study. It took me several more years (I smoked) to finally dedicate myself to Jehovah and to be baptized. About 4 years. (Armageddon still hadn't come.) By now, I not only understood the 1914 doctrine but could explain it to anyone. I'm a history buff and a reader, so I had no problem devouring any of the publications except those that dealt with science (I have an aversion to that subject). When we studied the Revelation -- It's Grand Climax (Armageddon) at Hand! the first of three times, the many applications of prophecy made to Jehovah's people astounded me! Could they be true?
Unfortunately, they were still the same questions I had after the third time through...
Also, in 1988 when I was pregnant with my son, I found out that the immuno globulin I had taken as a protection for the fetus in past pregnancies was a blood fraction (I hadn't ever been told this). I had to decide whether or not to protect the baby I was carrying from my body possibly attacking it because it was seen as an intruder because of our different Rhesus (Rh) factors, or not. I was not yet baptized, so I opted not to punish the baby nor my husband by rejecting the injection of this blood fraction. I felt it unfair to my husband to put our baby at risk in a way I never had before because I was worried about the blood prohibition this time around.
Yet, I was internally very distressed, because I feared that I was displeasing Jehovah in a big way, and that I was a spiritual weakling.
Well! Am I glad I listened to my heart in not wanting to hurt my family members! My son was born healthy.
But after his birth I had yet another decision to make. Another test of my faith, as I saw it. Because an Rh negative mother like me, with an Rh positive spouse, also needs a POSTPARTUM injection of Rhogam if she expects to have any more children at all. Because it actually is more likely that the mom's and the fetus' blood may commingle during the birth process than at any other time. And if that had happened, my body would begin producing antibodies that would attack any future Rh positive baby I might carry. The result could be anything from slight jaundice to mental retardation to still birth.
My husband and I decided that this would be our last child. (We now had three.) Therefore, I refused the postpartum Rhogam injection that is routinely administered by all hospitals to women who have Rh incompatibilities. I had to sign a legal waiver which explained the consequences of my actions -- that is, the risk to future pregnancies.
But I was joyful! Because the Society's literature had led me to believe that taking blood was wrong, that there were some alternative, natural ways to avoid the consequences of Rh incompatibility -- eating orange pith during the pregnancy; putting the jaundiced baby under lights after the birth (provided jaundice was the ONLY symptom...)and I felt condemned before Jehovah. How wonderful that even while I had not thought it right to risk our child's health by doing something that would seem so illogical and hurtful to my husband, I could now take a small stand for the Bible principle "Abstain from blood" by refusing the postpartum injection, giving up all chance of future healthy pregnancies, and thus redeem myself somewhat in Jehovah's eyes!
I dedicated myself to Jehovah God, Jesus Christ and the organization in December of 1989. About a year and 1/2 after my son was born.
Imagine my dismay when, in June of 1990, an article in the Watchtower Questions From Readers section proclaimed that it was now okay, "a conscience matter," for Jehovah's Witnesses to take certain blood fractions into their bodies -- including the very type of immuno globulin fraction that I had taken once in great distress during my pregnancy and refused to take thereafter based on what I believed to be divinely inspired direction from God's mouthpiece on earth -- the Governing Body making this known through previous issues of the Watchtower!!!
I was extremely distressed. Couldn't understand how something that was wrong one year, was perfectly okay the next. But I followed theocratic order. Didn't complain publicly. Rather, I waited until the next Circuit Overseer visit when the "Continue in the Things Learned" review sheet mentioned that this QFR topic would be discussed.
I was still unhappy with the discussion, and so approached the CO privately after the meeting. I remember his face vividly, although I can no longer recall his name. His answer to me was something along these lines: "Well, that's the way it is. Certain blood fractions are now allowed." No more discussion. He turned away to greet someone else.
I went away saddened and confused and feeling beaten up. As much by the "loving shepherd's" attitude as by the change in policy.
I think I discussed it with my study conductor and she advised me to "write the Society." And so I did. I wrote a lengthy letter but decided that I should show it to my elders before I mailed it off. So they would know what was going on with me. When I did so, the brother I approached recommended that I discuss the matter with another local elder who happened to be on the Hospital Liaison Committee for the area. So I did. He read my letter after a meeting and asked me to hold off sending it until we had a chance to discuss it further. Could we work in field service together? I agreed. We made an appt. for the next weekend.
I must say that in hindsight I know that this brother did what he thought was a very loving thing for me. He did not want that letter to the Society to remain in my publisher file at headquarters and in the local congregation. He succeeded in persuading me NOT to send it.
He was a bit less successful in convincing me that it was correct that what was once a no-no was now a "conscience matter." But, as it was water over the dam in my personal case -- I could no longer risk any future pregnancies and that wouldn't change no matter how injust it all seemed -- I let it go as much as I could. I filed it away.
Yomi7, I realize this has been quite lengthy, and I have LOTS more to say. But my point is this: The Society is very domineering. While it seems to offer a place of security and righteousness, in fact, it subtly abuses its members. It is not so easy to see, at first. There is so much POSITIVE about the individuals who make up the congregations and who seemingly have an ardent desire, as you do, to serve Jehovah in a practical way. The problem comes when one begins to stop thinking on his/her own and begins to allow the Society to do the thinking for him/her.
You see, I RIGHTLY concluded that it would not be fair to my husband to put our baby at risk. Number one, I had already taken the Rhogam before. Number two, I was the one who was changing my religion, not he, and he and the baby should not have been penalized for my new beliefs. Number three, while I was distressed because the Society's literature which I was encouraged to research said it was wrong, I reasoned that a loving Father God wouldn't want me to knowingly put the miracle of life that was within me in danger of health problems or a reduced quality of life or no life at all. When I reasoned on the matter, I knew in my heart what I should do.
Now. Understand the Organization you think you want to join. If I had been baptized already and number one,took the injection of a blood fraction, number two,practiced sin by taking the second, postpartum injection, and number three, let anyone else in the congregation know about it, I likely would have been "disciplined" in some way. If I had been a baptized member already and written the Society with complaints, arguments, and discussed it with one or more of the sisters in the congregation -- thus, speaking out against the material published by the Faithful and Discreet Slave and insisted that my viewpoint was correct, I would have been disfellowshipped for apostasy in 1988.
TWO YEARS LATER, when the "new light" on blood fractions came out in that June 1990 Watchtower, I likely would still have been in a disapproved state.
WHY?
For arguing precisely what the Questions From Readers article wound up stating: Taking blood fractions should be a "matter of conscience" for any Jehovah's Witness.
Yomi7, would I have THEN been invited back, IMMEDIATELY reinstated? Would the local elders have sought me out? Would the Society have written saying, you were right all along?
No.
Because I would have been said to have "run ahead" of the organization. That is not allowed.
So, I urge you, Yomi7, that you NOT make that public declaration of your dedication to Jehovah just yet.
Rather, take the time to see whether, despite all their good teachings and the loving atmosphere you have personally experienced where you are meeting, there are not some things that are taken as gospel while actually being extra-Biblical that you just cannot subscribe to.
It took me another TEN YEARS to finally decide that I had so many doubts about, not core Bible beliefs, no, but rather, the extra-Biblical traditions (yes! Jehovah's Witnesses DO have their own man-made traditions!) that I had to leave. Why did I have to leave? Because the Society does not allow one to have doubts -- even if they are kept to oneself -- once a Witness is thought to have reached a certain degree of spiritual maturity.
And also, because, in November 1995, the specialness of the Witness "understanding" of times, dates and prophecies relating to the Last Days was shown to be nothing more than error.
So I am gone since March of this year. Voluntarily.
May you find happiness and peace, Yomi7.
outnfree
Caveat emptor