That is one of the biggest things in my life I regret. When I was a young single mother (about 21), I would be counciled by elders after the meeting because I didn't spank my son. I felt like such a bad parent. So I started spanking him, wanting him and me to be perfect jws. We were both miserable. He is 18 now, and a couple of years ago, I told him how sorry I was for being such a mean mother to him. I begged his forgivness. He said, I know you were just trying to show you loved me. That made me cry. I was such a jerk. Even my jw mother said I was mean when he was younger. Of course at the time, her advise was do what the elders say. Now I am smarter, and wiser. My youngest son has many emotional disabilities (ADHD, and ODD), I am so glad I no longer believe that you have to beat you kids to get results. I am also no longer a jw, that makes our lifes so much better.
Posts by pamkw
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7My heart is aching!
by Aunty inhi all - i was just reading the responses to the post on beating children in the washroom and my heart is aching remembering what it was like.
i literally have this hollow feeling in my heart right now remembering all the little children that were punished, and those who are still in, but have no way of knowing how different life can be.
you trust your parents to love and take care of you - and then they hit you - but you don't think, "hey they shouldn't do that" - you think, "i'm bad".
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110
Memorial No Shows...Please Check in....
by ISP inwell, i was tempted but i decided not to go to the most bizarre religious ritual of modern times....how about you?.
isp
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pamkw
misty, at first it bothered me, and I figured I was going to die because I didn't go to memorial. But I now know that God is not going to kill me, and I no longer feel guilty. But the first few years, I did, back when my mom was always trying to get me to go. Now she doesn't even try.
Pam
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110
Memorial No Shows...Please Check in....
by ISP inwell, i was tempted but i decided not to go to the most bizarre religious ritual of modern times....how about you?.
isp
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pamkw
Hell, no.!! I sat at home having a few brews and watching Steven Segal kick ass on HBO. Two movies in a row. Hey, can't be much better than this. My mom did call out of the blue the other day, and there seemed to be no reason for her to do that. She had nothing to say really. But I guess she chickened out at the last minute.
Pam
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5
Ran into an old friend
by pamkw intoday at the store i ran into an old friend i grew up with.
we were both jw kids.
we both rebelled at the same time.
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pamkw
Today at the store I ran into an old friend I grew up with. We were both jw kids. We both rebelled at the same time. I of course went back for a few years. She instead never went back, but her life is a total mess. After talking to her a little I could tell she was still carried around a ton of guilt. When I told her that I had no more guilt, I knew what they said was wrong, both she and her daughter looked at me like I was crazy. I have become much more outspoken in my anger at the watchtower. It kind of made her feel uncomfortable, but at the same time she agreed with me. Honestly I think she thought I was nuts, but it was great fun talking to her again. It was great fun talking about who shuns us and who doesn't.
This is a big step for me, because for years I knew how I felt about being raised a jw, but I never told anyone one else. Now I don't care who knows how I feel.
Pam
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16
No more shunning from me!
by Dawn ini was a jw for years, and i constantly run into old "friends" at the store, gym, doctor's, cinema, etc.
up to now, i have just looked the other way because i knew they couldn't talk to me.. but after reading some posts here - i realized that i was contributing to their shunning.
acting like i was still under their law - well no more!!.
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pamkw
I am shunned even though I am not officially df or da. But it is common knowledge that I go to a church. Some people do say hello how are you, but you can see in their eyes that it bothers them. Others run from me. Those are the ones I follow around, just happening to run in to them again and again. they just keep running from me,I just can't help myself.
Pam
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25
REINSTATED AND STILL SHUNNED!
by new boy ini was at a wedding last summer were i met an old friend.
he had been reinstated for 6 months, he was dfed for 4 years.. he had been an elder for 10 years before that, he had commited adultery with another "brothers" wife.
i asked him how it was going.
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pamkw
Many years ago I was disfellowshipped when I was 19, two years later I was 21 and pregnant. I needed my family to help me. So I worked at getting reinstated. I was 6 months pregnant when I was got back in. How did the congregation react? Some people were so angry that they couldn't look at me for years. Others went to my sister and said I should not have been reinstated because I wasn't pregnant enough. I have never figured out what that meant. I guess they thought I should have my baby first. I tried hard for years to be the perfect jw single mom, I was never good enough. When another woman named Pam started coming to the hall, no one could remember my name, they were always calling me by her name. I who grew up in that cong, was not important. After I got in trouble a 2nd time, (put on reproof) then I became totally invisible. Now I have been gone about 6 years and no one remembers me.
Pam
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18
Being a single Ex JDub
by Cammi inis it just me, or is it very difficult to be a single ex?
there are questions boyfriends ask about my family, why i dont have contact with them, and what did i do to gain their utter disfavor?
why do i put up with what men tell me to believe?
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pamkw
I understand what you are saying. I don't even try to have a relationship. I wouldn't want to introduce any one I was interested in to my family. The jw members of my family are all nuts. What could I say? "Oh, I don't want you to met my mom, she would just preach at you?" "My family has no touch with reality?"
Of course, she would probably give him a good dose of old jw snobbery. Not something I would like to see. I figure I will be single for a long, long time.
Pam
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13
Childbearing in THIS time of the End
by Thirdson inresponsible childbearing in this time of the end .
i heard the talk that formed the basis of this article in the summer of 1987 while attending with my pregnant wife.
the stress was on not having children and devoting lives to preaching the watchtower's message.
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pamkw
When I had my oldest son, my mom said "hopefully he will never have to go to school. He is 18 now, my youngest son is 10. My mom used to say that after everyone of her grandbabies were born. (She has 13 of them ages 21-1). She stopped saying that when the last ones were born. I haven't heard those words come out of her mouth in a long time. She has been waiting for over 30 years. I wonder if she ever thinks it might not happen?
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12
was there anything good?
by singsongboi ini sometimes ask myself this question - i think i was 'there' for nearly 40 years and wonder at the waste.. what good came from it?
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did anyone really find some good in all of the things we did?
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pamkw
I learned to speak in front of groups of strangers and not be scared. That is the one thing I can say was good about my experiences. So in college I am always one of the first to volunteer to do something in front of the class. (Okay, so I like to show off.)
Pam
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14
Four Dubs just walked pass my house
by rekless inwhat gives these duds aren't doing their house to house work properly.
this is twice with in two months that the dubs have pass me by , why?.
i just moved to las vegas this past year no body knows my address or that i was daed or dfed.. it is like there is a sign that says apostate lives here.. what you think?
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pamkw
I used to do that. Walk around a couple of blocks pushing my son in a stroller, and only go to houses that you knew were empty. I worked alone alot, I wasn't good enough to have a partner, or I would have someone's kid with me. And since neither of us wanted to go to the door, the kid never cared if we skipped houses. Walk real slow, put in about 40 minutes and then go get a donut. The last time a jw came to my house, the woman didn't even know me. I was still going to meetings then, and she had never seem me. I grew up in the local congregation. I felt so unimportant. And they wonder why I never go back.
Pam