Feel for you!! I understand your dilemma. I'm married to a JW (elder) have JW children (grown and married) a JW parent, JW sibling. JW friends. Too old to make new friends. Friends I've got are lifetime friends.
However, I'm lucky that I haven't been 'dobbed' in by those friends and relatives and they respect my views. However I have been very careful what I say and have let it all build slowly by planting little seeds of doubt here and there. I made a mistake with my mother in the early days and 'spilled' too much. Then had to try and backtrack. Since then I've taken it extremely slowly and not said anything to raise the red flags even when it's burned inside to say something.
I think you need to ask yourself how much power you are going to allow the elders to have over you. Why should they dictate to you what you should do? Have you done something wrong? No! If you choose not to go to meetings, not to go on FS etc, that's YOUR CHOICE and they can't make you. If you don't want to study those booklets then DON'T. They have no rights over you. Take back the control over your own life. Say you are grateful for their concern but you want to do things your own way. Then, if you know you can't trust your friend not to say anything again then zip your mouth up next time!! It's hard to do, but if you want to stay for family and friends that you love, it's a must!!
