MikeJw or ExBethelite or Elderberry, (whatever you want to be called), your argument is that many people compromise to keep peace is not news to us. Nor will I condemn anyone having chosen to stay in the background and keep their head down if they genuinely feel that is best. However, many in that position are not even aware of just how much they have compromised. They know nothing else and are possibly terrified of change. They may also have lingering, paralyzing fears of apocalyptic doom.
Those that chose to fade, walk or stomp away didn't do it just so as to be free to do birthdays openly, they wanted their lives back, with a clear sense of self-direction, and intellectual honesty.
When my father passed recently, I was compelled to support my mother and hold her hand during the JW funeral. Being there did not invoke within me a sense of warm nostalgia; the opposite, it was creepy and offensive. The trigger words and repeated mantras about paradise and preaching were every bit as off-putting as the conservative Lutheran funeral I had been to not long ago. I'm sure you are right that many in the KH, as well as many in the Lutheran church, didn't really believe what was being preached at them. It is also true that many would never openly confess that.
I'm not someone who envies those people.