Hi NewLight, welcome to the forum.
Many of us have been through what you are feeling just now and have used different means to escape the claws of the WTBTS beast.
If you're going to disassociate, you'll know exactly what faces you. If you fade, it should be less traumatic. Here is the JW 'firewall' I have shared with other "faders" over the years, to help deal with interrogators:
"Thank you for your concerns, but I/we have PRIVATE & PERSONAL concerns which I/we can't discuss with anyone at the moment, but I/we appreciate your motives and concern. If things change, it's good to know that I/we can call you."
Conversation Stoppers - especially when elders contact you:
1) "We only want to come and give you encouragement." Simply repeat the response above!
2) "But how can we help you if you won't talk to us?"
"Everyone has PRIVATE & PERSONAL situations which they can't discuss with others, and I'm sure that includes elders - I'm no different!"
3) Are you refusing to talk with us?
"No, I just don't want to discuss things right now. I'll call you if things change."
If they persist with their interrogation, just say 'thanks', and walk away - immediately!
Do not PROLONG their interrogation. They can't punish you for ending a conversation!
Repeat any/all of the above to anyone who tries to extract information from you, because the elders will try and get someone you trust to get the information out of you! Elders hate having potential "loose cannons" in their domain.
All the best.