Comatose, I can personally appreciate your struggle and feelings.
My family is similarly disfunctional. I'm not disfellowshipped nor disassociated; it's not even clear if my family knows that I'm inactive because of the distance and lack of communication. However, my life is peaceful without any family contact.
I've tried to contact my mother at least once a year. The last time I talked with her she didn't seem to care that I called, nor did she volunteer any information about her life. This last year I had an accident that left me in the hospital for 5 days in ICU, and I've yet to go back to work. I've tried calling and leaving messages to let her know of my brush with death, but I'll not grovel.
I've wondered about why "we" still care about people that lack a natural love, and all I've come up with is they have had their soul vacuumed out by WTBTS and "we" haven't.