Posts by ruderedhead

42

My son's heart is broken

by ruderedhead in

jw
friends

i'm sure someone here has experienced this before.

please help me help my son.

his wife of 15 months told him last night that she needs her space, that what she wanted 1 year ago isn't the same as what she wants now.

I keep coming back to read your responses. They have helped me tremendously! Thank you. mrs.jones5 it is funny you said she might be shallow, because my oldest son said she tended to be materialistic.

I was on fb today, and saw that she had removed her married status, and pics of the 2 of them. so she is apparently not willing to rethink this right now, and is ready to let the world know. I know that sounds strange, but she is a big fb user. I was on her page yesterday, and her status was still married to xxx.

Thank you, Talesin, for understanding that he cannot be told to move on just yet. featherimiss, I love what you wrote about their part in your story being over. What a perfect way to say it, and I will use that when we need to have that conversation. I think it is a very kind and gentle way of saying we need to move on now. Thanks to all of you for who have posted. I so appreciate your help. I just hope he doesn't give everything to her. But I am keeping my mouth zipped, and will let his brother watch his back, as I know he will.

20

Past the point of no return...

by metaspy in

jw
friends

past the point of no return, the final threshold.

the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn.

i've passed the point of no return.

ruderedhead

I think that is perfect! Mine was much the same, very short and to the point. Godd for you, and congratulations on taking the final step!

42

My son's heart is broken

by ruderedhead in

jw
friends

i'm sure someone here has experienced this before.

please help me help my son.

his wife of 15 months told him last night that she needs her space, that what she wanted 1 year ago isn't the same as what she wants now.

ruderedhead

Thank you all for your input. I truly appreciate your helping someone you have never met. You are people of the highest caliber. And quite a bit more insightful than I.

We were able to get some more information from him this evening. While I was holding onto hope that this is just a bump in the road, it is not. It is the end of the road for their marriage. Apparently she is unhappy with the fact that right now she makes more money than he does, among other things. He is a brand new attorney. He took the bar exam in July, and in our state, the pass rate was only 53%. He was in that 53%. I think that is pretty darn good. He was sworn in 2 weeks ago, as it takes approx. 3 mo. to get the results back. There are other things, but they are all silly. Trust me. My oldest son is also an attorney, and they spoke today. The older one has handled divorce cases (doesn't really like them), and so has some insight. He simply told me that her reasoning was strange and without real merit. My sons have each others backs, and give only as much info as they need to Mom about certain matters. I try not to be an overprotective momma bear, but sadly, I am, and they know it. I think I love my children almost too much. I loved this girl as one of my own. Why doesn't this woman understand that in 5 years, he will be making good money? He is working with his brother, who has a growing practice, and with my husband ( different business) also while the practice builds to be enough for 2 attorneys. All he has done is for their future, but she said she wants to get on with her life, there is a whole other world out there. I cannot believe this is the end of the road for them. He is filing for the D word soon so it can be done where we live. There are no children, no house. I guess that would be a clean break. But I have never seen him this devastated. He is truly a broken man. To those who say tell him he will heal and move on, Yes he will, but the wound is too fresh. After the new year, we will say those words. Right now, he is facing holidays without the woman he loves, and all the plans they have had with their friends every year.

Thank you again for caring enough to help me. You're quite an insightful group. You saw was was coming before I did.

42

My son's heart is broken

by ruderedhead in

jw
friends

i'm sure someone here has experienced this before.

please help me help my son.

his wife of 15 months told him last night that she needs her space, that what she wanted 1 year ago isn't the same as what she wants now.

ruderedhead

I'm sure someone here has experienced this before. Please help me help my son. His wife of 15 months told him last night that she needs her space, that what she wanted 1 year ago isn't the same as what she wants now. He is destroyed. She is the love of his life. Please allow me to give you a little background: They met 9 years ago, he had graduated H.S., she was entering senior year. They have had to live in different states while dating due to jobs/university. They always found a way to wind up living together. When the financial crisis hit in'08, he lost his job and moved back to our home state to pursue an advanced degree, which he achieved this spring. She moved back as well a few months after him as she had secured a job in her field, but 2 hours away from where he went to school. They married last Summer. He spent 3 days a week with her, and once he finished his degree he lived there permanently until 3 months ago, when he had to again live here part time as this is where he is able to find work, due to connections. He tried to find work where they have an apt., but could not. So he leaves early from work every Fri., to go back, and heads back here Monday morning. I realize this is not an ideal situation. But she has no desire to move back here, and he was unable to find a job there. He has asked for time to get more experience under his belt, in the hope that he will be more marketable there. He's simply asking for 3-6 months. She does not want him to come back to their apt. on the weekends anymore to give her time to sort it out. They have been talking all weekend, as she has been in town, and she seems determined. I am going to suggest counseling. She was telling her parents last night. My husband thinks she has found someone else. I prefer to think not. I am hoping this is just an awful bump in the road. I have never seen my child look like this. We are not allowed to tell anyone, even our daughters, as he is hoping they can work it out. I, too, am hopeful. He is crushed, and I cannot stop crying. My son's heart is broken, and for this, I will never trust her again. Any suggestions on how to help?

9

FS

by turtleturtle in

jw
friends

i was thinking of going in field service this morning and then i thought "dude, no one is home during the weekday!

".

ruderedhead

You shouldn't go knocking on doors lying to innocent people!

26

Venting some rage and pain.

by jemba in

jw
friends

my father the coboe and much loved member of the cult has ignored me and my children 17yrs and 8yrs old for much of my life and all of my kids lives.

i hate that religion for taking my father away and i hate him for being sucked in and putting all his love, time and kindness into the org and the stupid dubs and leaving himself too tired and uninterested in us.

my kids dont have grandparents, my mum is ok, she rings me once a month but kinda ignores my kids, just gives em $50 each a yr as a substitute for love and attention.. .

ruderedhead

I'm so sorry for all you have been through and the pain you are obviously in right now, Jemba. Vent away, it can be cathartic, and you have every right to feel the way you do! Sounds like you have created a wonderful family now, and I hope you are rejoicing in all the great decisions you have made.

I think we can learn from others mistakes in the way they treat us, and allow it to make ourselves better people for it. I know I have done this myself after being treated poorly by a family member for years. I hope you have extended family to help enrich your families lives, and you theirs. Our family isn't limited to the one we are born into. Wishing you much love and happiness in your future. Happy Holidays!

42

Do JWs Still Feel The Need To Understand Their Teachings Or Have They Pretty Much Abandoned That Idea?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i think most jws do not know how to explain their religious beliefs.

i don't think they could explain their views of 607 b.c.e.

, 1914, any prophetic bible books, the old vs. the new fds understanding, the blood fraction reasoning, etc.. do you think the average witness is able to explain from the bible why they believe things as they do?.

ruderedhead

I think some can as long as they have the WT literature to read from. I knew jw's who knew just what book they needed to read out of to "prove" their point. Not the Bible. either. It is used only to point to certain scriptures (quoted in the WT book they are using) to help them validate what they are saying. Still doesn't make sense if you read the Bible. Doesn't mean they understand the doctrine, just that they know how to use WT literature to prove their point. Esp. if they are a devout born-in, or have loads of time to study the societys books. Without thinking about what they are reading, and doing independent research, of course.

9

Worst of: Watchtower Reasoning

by MC RubberMallet in

1) *** t-16 p. 5 what hope for dead loved ones?

now think about this: what was lazarus condition during those four days he was dead?

lazarus did not say anything about being in a heaven of bliss or a hell of torment, which surely he would have done if he had been there.

ruderedhead

Loved how the idea that Lazarus coud not have gone to heaven before Jesus popped into your head towards the end of your thoughts! I was thinking the same thing as I was reading it. how on earth did we miss that while we were in? Love your reasoning on the circulating of recordings as well! Again, what were we all thinking? Thank you for posting this, MC!

19

A milestone for my Grandson, David

by coffee_black in

jw
friends

david turned 18 yesterday.

(he is the one who walked from orlando, fl to washington, dc a little over 3 years ago on behalf of homeless children) i wrote about that on the forum back then.

what i didn't write about is that david has grown up without a father....not because he doesn't exist, but because his father has chosen to live his life of drugs and violence.

ruderedhead

David sounds like an amazing young man. Hope his bday was wonderful! His Mom must be pretty amazing as well to have raised such a fine young man. I hope she has a full recovery from her condition.

26

Did you feel guilty for not pioneering?

by brokethechain in

i started pioneering the month i finished high school, and never stopped until i awakened, 17 years later.

it seems like the entire time, there was so much emphasis on pioneering.

every field service meeting seemed to have a part that communicated the message that jehovah would zap us at the big a. or people would die because of us if we didn't have extenuating circumstances (i always translated as bad health or kids, but even then, there were always "examples" of the mom with 5 kids that was pioneering).

ruderedhead

I never did! When they would preach from the platform about pioneering, and were you doing all you could, I used to sit there and think about how those people in N.Y. had no idea what it was like to live in the real world because everyone else supported them! In the first congo I was in, the woman who studied with me was the only pioneer in the cong. at one point, and she went to the elders and told them they needed to change the afternoon start time or she would not be able to pioneer any longer. She still would have as she liked the status it gave her in the cong., but they changed the time just for one person! It was a congregation of like 120 people! That time change meant I couldn't go out in the afternoon any longer.I know it made it difficult for others as well, then she would complain that there were not enough going out in the afternoon. But they wanted that pioneer. What was I thinking when I joined this goofy group?! GRRRR!