I feel ya Varian i really do. I think firstly you need to see someone about whether youre depressed, make this a matter of urgency. Its nothing to be ashamed of and its unfortunately a part of life for many, especially ex JWs.
I have been lonely and seeking a companion yet not being able to find anyone - it didnt help that it was in the confines of the WT. That person DOES eventually come along, I guarantee that one day you will look back and think about how lonely and sad you were and smile to yourself that you were strong enough to get through it. You will be quite the catch too, a sensitive man that takes care of his body!
After the pain we have seen the friends of Oompa go through it is a good idea to stop and think of all the people that will really miss you if you did end your life, we really have no idea of the tragedy of pain and suffering that awaits our death.
Im sure you dont see it now but your life is a gift to live and do as much as we can while we are here.... I didnt always feel this way, I have spent over 30 years of my life in a depressed haze and have finally come out the other side alive and not alone.
Get help my friend, even just a telephone counselling service for now, just do it first before you think of anything more destructive like booze, drugs or self harm.
Jemba