Actually I was very surprised. When I opened the door I saw a big stupid smile on her face and the glassy eye look but I was relieved because I knew she had forgiven me at least. My wife is under mind ctrl but she is a great person under it all. We had a nice evening watching tv and I fixed her something good to eat. I fully expected her to be crying and come home with makeup smeared looking like the joker but it never happened.
thecrushed
JoinedPosts by thecrushed
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43
Memorial Hell
by thecrushed intoday has been one of the most aganizing days since i woke up.
my family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week.
it became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when i didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth.
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43
Memorial Hell
by thecrushed intoday has been one of the most aganizing days since i woke up.
my family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week.
it became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when i didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth.
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thecrushed
Thank you all for your warm replies. I'm grateful.
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43
Memorial Hell
by thecrushed intoday has been one of the most aganizing days since i woke up.
my family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week.
it became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when i didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth.
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thecrushed
Thank you Theredeemer for your kind words. I did draw the line the sand and it is throwing them all in a tizy. I can only hope that my dad's senseable non-believing wife will see the cultish behavior and go HOLD ON A DAMN MINUTE! My wife of course blames every little thing on me and can't see that it is this religion. She just sees herself as married to the devils friend now. I feel so deeply sorry for what she is going through but at the same time I can't give in and validate her abusive behavior. If I get through this alive it will be one hell of a miracle.
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43
Memorial Hell
by thecrushed intoday has been one of the most aganizing days since i woke up.
my family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week.
it became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when i didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth.
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thecrushed
Today has been one of the most aganizing days since I woke up. My family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week. It became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when I didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth. My stomach has been in knots all day.
My father finally leaves this passive aggressive message on my phone about how if I don't attend then I'm publically showing my disrespect for what Christ did and for Jehovah. Can I be DF'd for not showing??? He has been strategically involving me in his business activities in the fained interest of helping me get my own thing started. His real goal was a carrot to dangle in front of me and take away if I don't attend. Well good job dad you did nothing be piss me off! I knew his game from the start but I craved some time to spend with my dad lately so I abliged him. He also said that if I didn't attend the memorial I was hurting my family especially my wife. He even took something I said weeks ago about being a man of my word out of context and used it to apply to my baptism vows to further guilt me with.
When my wife arrives home she starts in on me about how wrong I am and that I better straighten up and stop putting her through this abuse. WTF!!! I guess my feelings don't mean jack squat! I told her she was dead wrong and that there is no way in hell I'm going to live a lie so anyone can save face. She then said I was possessed by Satan. She said if only I would come back everyone would be overjoyed to see me with much hugs and tears. I said, I know but it wouldn't be real at all. It is love based on conditions. I then looked her in the face and told her that I have unconditional love for her and that would never change. She became silent after that and then reminded me that I had promised her never to leave the truth. Unfortunately I did say that but that was before I broke through the mind ctrl and gained freedom of thought. She will never understand that till it happens to her if it happens to her before our marriage completely explodes. The most unfortunate thing of all is that our anniversary is right after the memorial within a few weeks.
I watch her get into this sisters car that she arranged to pick her up and drive away with my one true love. I feel sick. I feel like their is nothing I can do to stop this disgusting and cruel witchtower cult from destroying my marriage and my entire life. My whole family is against me, my wife is my enemy and all I can do is watch it all slowly fall apart.
I stood my ground and didn't go to the memorial and believe it our not my phone is still blowing up from all the different people calling to make sure I'm going. At this point my fade is completely blown thanks to the memorial season push.
I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT I HATE THIS CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shocking Email from a Dear Friend who is No Longer a JW
by rubadubdub ini received this email tonight from a dear, dear friend who i believed had died.
she was in very bad shape when i last spoke with her over a year ago.. "i'll make this short in case it is not functioning.
besides i'm not sure whether it is alright for you to read it or not.
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thecrushed
Wow don't you just feel so warm and fuzzy. No!!!! My blood is boilin! This woman has reached out to you in desperation and deep sadness. Take the risk it is highly unlikely she would throw you under the bus with her.
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Don't Blame the Organization for Imperfect Humans
by ranmac ini think everyone here has heard this as a response to questioning or serious concerns about the religion.
i think its a cowardly retort.
a flimsy cop-out.
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thecrushed
Gb are gods mouthpiece so we must obey without question. When they make mistakes they all of a sudden are fallible men but still obey us because they are gods mouthpiece not his prophet even though both terms are definitions of one another. What a poor excuse to make when the bible clearly shows that a prophets imperfection had nothing to do with Gods ability to speak prophetic sayings through them as a conduit. Gotta love circular reasoning!
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One year anniversary on JWN & some updates (not so good news)
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good day everyone....its been approximately one year since ive been on jwn, not as active as i want to, i guess i will be as time goes on.. its been an interesting year since been fully awaken about the lies behind the borg...thanks to this site, along with the many well put together blogs from cedars, marvin, jwfacts, randy & others, life has been much better for me.
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thecrushed
Jws are huge on making you feel guilty for there emotional drama. My wife is doing the same thing to me because I refuse to attend the memoriol. I even have been asked to go by my stepmother who isn't a witness. My dad probably set her up to ask. This cult has taught them well the art of emotional control. After I said no to my wife she spent the rest of the evening crying. I didn't take the bait and stood my ground and didn't react. This morning she is back to normal. I have to treat it like a toddler is whinning or something.
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I got the dreaded call about the memorial
by thecrushed ini haven't been to the meetings in just about a full year and i get a call this morning from my dad inviting me.
his words were full of guilt trip.
he said he would like us to go as a family like i'm breaking it up if i don't go.
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thecrushed
Just got asked to go to the memorial by my wife. I just stared at her unable to speak. She ran in the other room crying. I think the memorial season is just there to torture people trying to leave this crazy ass cult.
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I saw dead people
by thecrushed init has been a year now since the big breakdown in which i lost my belief system and almost lost my marriage too.
i now look back and realize how close i came to completely losing my mind.
all the evidence proves to me beyond a shadow of any possible doubt that i have been raised in a cult and that every single decision or indecision has been directly influenced from this fanatical belief system.
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thecrushed
It has been a year now since the big breakdown in which I lost my belief system and almost lost my marriage too. I now look back and realize how close I came to completely losing my mind. All the evidence proves to me beyond a shadow of any possible doubt that I have been raised in a cult and that every single decision or indecision has been directly influenced from this fanatical belief system. I have come to some slow realizations about life that I would like to share with all of you here.
Life used to be Black and White and no in between. Life is now a wonderful tapestry of color to behold and appreciate. For the first time I feel a closeness with my fellow man which I hadn't experienced as a JW. Before all I would see is dead people. I wondered, why O Jehovah will you destroy these people out of their ignorance and misfortune to be born in circumstances that doom them to your destruction? I never bothered to connect with anyone because in my mind it was pointless to talk to dead people about anything other than trying to save their spiritual lives.
Now I know their is no us vs them. I am them and they are me. I'm just another caring higher mammal trying to get through life just like everyone else. At first I thought I would never have a sense of belonging again. I have it again. I have it in a much more genuine way now. I feel a connection to life on this planet and not as a I once thought of it as a god like creature that is here to dominate. I feel it as a part of the whole and in that way it makes me feel whole again.
When I meet people when I'm out and about I talk to them without the pressure of pushing my religion down their throat. I have started to listen for the first time to the many life songs that people tell. Each person I meet becomes a subtle colorful shade that paints my new canvas of reality. I don't hold back and when the opportunity arises I help my fellow homo sapiens. I talk with my neighbor and we do eachother favors. I listen to his tales of younger days and experiences and I tell mine. I help the homeless man with a free lunch and I listen to his troubles too. The longer I stay away from this soul destroying cult the more thine own soul sings.
I accept the good with the bad in people and in everything else. I know people that are very nice people yet they are alcoholics and smoke. I realize that they are damaging their bodies but it is their decision to make. I accept them as is. I don't try and alter others behavior. I don't withhold kindness or Judge people like that including myself. I believe if you want to change people for the better you must exude real and genuine kindness. Judgement and taking the moral high ground only seperates you from your fellow man and does nothing but divide.
I accept what IS. I do not worry myself with what could be or with what will never be. I live in reality and I now make my decisions based on that reality. One of the most insane things you can do is make your life decisions predicated on a lie. That is what I did most of my life.
I no longer see dead people. I see sick people, happy people, sad people, broken people, successful people, creative people, evil people, good people and everything in between. If you really meditate on the vastness of diversity in nature it will come to you as it came to me that no religion that forces you to one mold and only that one mold of what it thinks is success could ever be from a God that has anything to do with the natural world around us.
I see people. I see in techno color.
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23
I got the dreaded call about the memorial
by thecrushed ini haven't been to the meetings in just about a full year and i get a call this morning from my dad inviting me.
his words were full of guilt trip.
he said he would like us to go as a family like i'm breaking it up if i don't go.
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thecrushed
just was approuched by a homeless man my age who was genuinly down on his luck. i gave him my lunch and 1 dollar in change. i asked him about his story and tried to be encouraging. He wouldnt look me in the eye. It was so sad. I told him i had been homeless at onw time which is true and about my addiction to drugs. he wasnt too dirty so gave him a hug. i never would have done that as a jw. i feel better now despite my cult issues. i only wish i could have helped that poor man more.