bsand20,
Lots of people relate to how you feel. We reach out to others and try to help, and at the same time we suffer the same feelings and issues. This is really a bizarre place to be......."former JW".
It is something quite literally you have to have gone through to understand. Its why these places and groups are so important.
I am not certain why the shunning has restarted with gusto. Last year the convention made it seem more important. This year however I thought they backed off of it a bit. Don't let their back and forth policies affect you mentally. You control your life, and the impact of what has happened to you is meaningful only if you give it meaning in the now.
You have friends you said. Great! Hang out with them. You have kids? Spend time with them. You have hobbies and passions.....awesome. Go get it! Do real JW's troll your site? Let me know where it is and I'll engage them. There is help out there. You know something they don't.
In fact, no more letting your mother emotionally blackmail you. Don't let her off the hook. But don't communicate in anger. When you are there with your father, take her (kindly) to task. Mom, I'm so happy you are talking to me, but last time we spoke you made it clear you would not speak to me as long as I did not convert back to the religion of my youth. Why the change of heart? (try not to be snarky......this will be difficult).
I dont know. Its always easier said then done. It hurts when family does this mess.