The signs for me were always there, but cognitive dissonance and the control of the cult stopped me from breaking free, until I was truly at breaking point.
At around the year 2000 my abuser was reinstated without my knowledge, I heard about it from my sister who called very upset at him stalking her at her assembly! I wrote to the elders asking how they came to this decision, what repentance did they see, to date I have never had a response to the letter. It was this same year I was appointed an elder myself and I have always wanted to help people. I saw this as an opportunity to do that. What I then saw was so much hypocrisy, I truly had believed the elders were trying to minister to everyone, what I witnessed was not the case, and directions from Bethel were so unloving that I couldn't cope.
In 2003 I became suicidal, mostly due to the abuse I suffered as a child. I went to a psychologist every week for 6 months which helped greatly, but something still wasn't right. Around 2010 I was talking to a CO and told him I had seen a psychologist and a number of other health professionals. He said "Could you not have just got help from Watchtower articles?" That was the comment that made me realise it was so wrong.
I have a good friend who has never been a JW, we had endless debates about JW beliefs and what she was saying was always logical, far more so than what WT was saying. She helped me realise I could have a life without the influence of WT.
The cognitive dissonance hurt so bad, I knew what I had to do but knew it would be tough. I had a mental breakdown, this was my excuse to fade overnight. Then 3 years later the elders started hassling me, so I DA'd. I am so much better for it, and happier. I do not have any mental turmoil and see life is for living, not for waiting on everyone else to die at the hands of a so called loving god.