Hi and welcome.
You're braver than you know.
I too, am a child of the 80's. baptized at 17 in 1991
pioneered for a few years right after H.S.
the 1914 generation was the biggest sign that the end was 'just around the corner' there was no way that the system would last 10-20 more years, yeah...well ..here we are
I was feeling what you're feeling now about a year ago.
I couldn't believe what I was reading, how could I have been so blind!?
keep researching, keep using your critical thinking skills ..you will be ok
we'll be here for you to help you thru the awaking process...