Posts by gingerbread

35

Does being a "born in" blur parental vs JW issues?

by obfuscatetheobvious in

thank you to the many people who have posted their experiences and advice on this site!

i have browsed a few topics but the threads that i seem to gravitate to the most deal with family.

there is certainly a lot that i can relate to in many of the anecdotes i have read.

gingerbread

As a son and a father to a son, I understand where you are coming from. The rise of conflict between parent and child of the same sex has been part of human experience from "the beginning." The rising friction between a father and the growing son is a typical pattern in most mammals. There are hundreds of studies by anthropologists and psychologists that examine this phenomenon in great depth. Most agree that it serves a biological need to drive male offspring (who carry the same genetic "stuff") away from the "herd" or family unit to avoid excessive interbreeding. It's a matter of long term survival for a local subset of a particular species.

In humans, a father's "repulsion" of a son forces the child to develop independance. Unless your family has some major disfunctional issues, this "repulsion" is a natural process. Once the son physically leaves the family unit and is fully independent, the relationship between father and son transforms into something new - as grown up men, allies & confidantes that is based on mutual respect.

20

What happens before a Judicial Committee?

by jw07 in

i can't get into much detail, but i might have been caught doing something natural and fun that the gb would have a fit over.

(i'm not sure at this point if i was seen).

the elders have called a meeting of the entire body tonight, which is strange since they usually meet on weekends.. i've been worrying and sweating like crazy since then, which i think is the programmed jw guilt switch in my mind going off like crazy.. what i want to know is:.

gingerbread

If you are accused of "wrongdoing" and want to stalemate the whole process then confess nothing, deny everything and accuse all and any "witnesses" of lying. Have "evidence" in your mind to discredit any accusation and possible testimony. Answer all questions with a 'yes' or 'no' and don't explain anything further. Answer a question once. When it's asked again, reply that you have already answered. Don't let them pressure you to answer. Take your sweet time. You can always reply with "I don't recall." Never talk to an elder or the elders over the telephone. They will be recording your conversation. Never talk to an elder alone - in person, by phone, by email, messaging or texting. Do not discuss this matter with anyone else in the congregation. If you do, it gives them grounds to announce your discipline to the congregation - and increases your chances for being disfellowshipped. You can't cut a deal with them.

Oubliette is correct in refering you to the "Shepard the Flock" book regarding the judicial procedure. This process cannot be found in the Bible...

132

NEW video on Youtube MUST SEE! the elder's meeting is ridiculous!

by Newly Enlightened in

brother of the hawk, newly enlightened & gojira, recorded an elder's meeting on 5/7/03.

both does a great job of defending me and making the elders look foolish!.

thank you raypublisher/jj and jwstruggle for the awesome job you did on it.. follow up story was not recorded but we will post it here hopefully over the weekend.. enjoy, it's pretty hilarious how they try to control us and come after me on a work of fiction!.

gingerbread

This is a classic example of an "investigation" being started by the elder body. They show up at your house, it starts off a bit uncomfortably and then they dive in to the accusation phase. Elders will refuse to reveal their sources - though in this "call" the one elder admits that he heard about it from his wife...and the talk originated in a 'car group'. The couple backs these guys into a corner - using the Bible and WT quotes - and the elders argument melts. It becomes laughable...one elder suggests that she could have used an alias (lie).

More judicial committees are formed as a result of talk during field service - one person starts the gossip and others spread the story. The elders are now "forced" to create a committee > because the alleged wrong doing was now a "public" matter.

I wish this couple the best. It ain't over 'til the axe falls. If they feel like they made their point and are now in the clear i.e. these elders are on their side - they're dreaming. (And I'm assuming the couple later got the 'boot' - since they allowed the video to go public)

Wrestle a pig and you'll end up being the exhausted one with mud on your face.

63

marrying younger spouses

by ssn587 in

jw
friends

my wife passed away 2 years ago we had been married over 30 years, i have since remarried and my new wife is younger than 3 of my children from my first marriage.

i just wondering if there are any more like me out there.

i stay in excellent shape for my age, work out almost daily eat good and have absolutely no medical problems or at least none i can do anything about, bad knees, but my vitals are excellent, and i am known as the teenage because of them when i have my yearly medical checkup.. so was wondering if there are others out there like me, and what some may think about it, just for the record i am extremely happy once again, and we have a 18 month boy who delights me, have a whole new outlook on fatherhood and child raising.

gingerbread

This is an interesting thread from a JW point of view. Early marriage between young people is very common in the Org. Other threads on JWN have recently discussed the reasons.

Age difference between a husband and a wife varies between cultures. At one time it was very 'normal' to marry a young girl - sometimes crossing state lines to make it legal. Young women often - just a few decades ago - married at age 13 or 14. And sometimes to a first or "second" cousin. This kind of marriage was considered acceptable. Often it was a "shotgun" wedding.During that same time period, it was illegal for a man of color to marry a white woman. In the 21st century both of these situations are deemed culturally offensive - in my part of the world. Though still very common in some cultures, an "arranged marriage" seems offensive to the Western mind. A father "trading" his daughters as wives to his male peers is as equally offensive.

A common saying is "follow the rule of seven" - if a man divides his age in half and adds seven years, that's the youngest age a girl can be considered for marriage. Otherwise it's kinda creepy. But, that rule applies in my neck of the world...

36

Trying to handle my JW mom

by KatyMomof2 in

jw
friends

my mom is a recent widow.

she, being a jw does not have means to support herself and does not seek higher education ( because that would take from her studies ).

so, she is living ( sponging off of ) me.

gingerbread

This is a toughie KatyMom. Your post title tells a lot about your situation. First you admit that you're trying to handle your mother. You must accept that you will never be successful at controlling another person. I'm guessing that your Mom has never been the best at respecting boundries, or being told no, or accepting responsibility for her own actions. I also am guessing that your Mom uses anything at her disposal (including her religion) to control others. It pushed you right out of the house.

JW's who have children who have "left the truth", often have a burning desire to "save" their grandchildren. This new calling in life can border on the irrational.

Be honest with yourself and make a decision that benefits you and your kids. Did you allow your mother to move in with you because of the additional $ she brings into the house? Is she now the sitter for the kids while you are at work - saving you money? If you bring another person into your home, you must accept the good with the bad. Instead of this being your Mom - if she was a friend, cousin or co-worker - would you put up with this sort of behavior?

13

Establishing the Premises Regarding "Jehovah's Channel"

by Ding in

typically, when the topic of new light arises in discussions with a jw, it come about this way:.

1. wt critic cites discarded doctrines or false prophecies to the jw in order to undermine his faith in the gb.. 2. jw counters by citing proverbs 4:18, saying that changes are fine because the light gets brighter and brighter.. 3. wt critic gets frustrated because any sort of nonsense can be overlooked via that type of thought-stopping "logic.".

perhaps a better approach is to start by asking the jw to explain how the "jehovah's channel of communication" process works.

gingerbread

Well done outline, Terry. Three years ago I took the WT's encouragement to understand "our spiritual heritage". It became a hobby of mine - I used the WT library and wikipedia exclusively as my source material. I figured these were "safe" resources. The more I researched the more I came to realize that the core beliefs that I (and my family for a couple of generations) held as the foundation of faith was NOT from Russell and other "annointed" bible students. Everything was borrowed and rewritten. The society's writers paint a picture of a little band of humble truth seekers being led to "truth" by holy spirit. That picture is a distortion of the facts - a romanticized, revisionist history of the WTBTS and the origins of the "Truth".

This led me to examine the "spiritual routine" that I was following - required reading, attendance, participation, privileges & responsibilities, forms and more forms, construction projects.... It didn't take long to realize that none of these were required for a Christian to be found acceptable by God.

56

I wanted to punch this elder so bad!

by OneDayillBeFree in

so i decided to attend the meeting last.

since i haven't gone in about 2 weeks, and i leave as soon as it ends, and elder decided to corner me at the end.

lately i've been through some very depressing family issues that are non-jw related so i haven't been my best at acting like i care about the org.

gingerbread

This brings back memories!

Elders like this usually have no control over their personal lives - their family life is a disaster, they have a lousy job or no career, they're in debt up to their eyeballs... They're morons.

It's a good thing that this confrontation made you angry. I suspect that in years past you would have bowed your head, made excuses, accepted the verbal thrashing and put downs...like a good JW is supposed to take it. Eventually, I drew the "line in the sand" and the appointed policemen learned to avoid me. You're learning that you don't have to take it. Don't waste your time and energy arguing. You'll just wind up with egg on your face.

Also, this punkin' head was telling you the truth. They really believe that the HS picked them and it's their business to be in your business - it's in all the publications, talks, elder's school... All loyal members believe it as well - you'll hear it in comments all the time. Listen, Obey, and Be Blessed...

38

What is your experience when you stop turning in time?

by gingerbread in

for the past year or so, i've been turning in just one or two hours of service time.

it has been mentioned to me from an elder "friend" that i'm never seen at any meetings for field service.

i get his implication.

gingerbread

I received a text message over the weekend for my April time. I didn't return the text. Sending a text message seems so impersonal - and as some have suggested the time sheet requirement us just a numbers game. You would think that a person who has been "in the truth" since childhood would get a phone call. I've been a JW for 40 + years. And I'm not delusional - thinking that elders are really concerned about your personal welfare. I learned - a few times over - that elders are in place for the "position" it gives them and to enforce the rules and regulations of the branch. It's a private club.

My spouse, my parents, siblings & kids are very well known in the area. The cong that I currently attend isn't the cong I grew up in - so there isn't long term personal relationships between myself and others. I stopped fulfilling school assignments two years ago and now attend 2 or 3 sunday meetings a month. I haven't answered at a meeting in over three years. Perhaps the elder body has been expecting me to become inactive. That ultimately gets the heat off of them...

You might be wondering why I'm "dragging" this exit out for so long. I show up because my elderly parents still attend. Sometimes they need transportation and the cong is their primary means of social interaction. That's all.

38

What is your experience when you stop turning in time?

by gingerbread in

for the past year or so, i've been turning in just one or two hours of service time.

it has been mentioned to me from an elder "friend" that i'm never seen at any meetings for field service.

i get his implication.

gingerbread

For the past year or so, I've been turning in just one or two hours of service time. It has been mentioned to me from an elder "friend" that I'm never seen at any meetings for field service. I get his implication. This year I've skipped reporting for two of the the past 5 months. What is your experience when you became irregular and eventually inactive? What should I expect?

A friend stopped attending meetings regularly about a year ago (except the memorial) and quit turning in time last fall. He's not heared from any elders... he just gets flack from family.

31

The day JEHOVAH.....went POP!

by Terry in

think about this.. go way back...far far back in history.. .

go back before the internet.

go back farther.. go back before newspapers, tv and radio.. .

gingerbread

If anyone is interested in the topic of myth, customs and parallel belief systems that exist in every culture, I suggest reading the works of Joseph Campbell. Watch his interviews that are available on YouTube. I suspect that the origins of this thread have been skimmed from this source.