Posts by Victor

13

OPERATION of & Sin Against the Holy Spirit!

by Amazing in

jw
friends

when jws ask one of the anointed just how they "know" that they are anointed, they are really asking what it is that god does via the holy spirit that tells them they are chosen.

a "bolt" of lightening?

a rush of the wind?

Victor_E

Is there Holy Spirit, and if it exists what does it do? A Buddhist would say that there is energy called prana and an Asian would say that it is ki or chi. A physicist would say that all matter is energy. A healer would call this energy Reiki. The mystics say that all thought we create turns into matter, thus making us co-creators. Psychologists and philosophers thus say that we become what we think about.

As a JW I felt at different times a flow of energy in me while conducting JW activities. One day I was in service in this remote South Texas small town and my pioneer partner and I called on an old lady that I proceeded to explain to her the true meaning of the Lord’s Prayer. She felt a deep satisfaction and gratitude at my “absolute truth”. This experience produced in me a transcendent state. With great experience and understanding I know I was the cause of that feeling through my programmed beliefs of a JW. I felt so moved that I even wrote the society to share my experience.

The factors that made me feel that state were:
1. I was in great need of feeling that what I was doing was not in vain, since I was struggling financially in this God forsaken dusty town.
2. My own mental, spiritual and emotional state was a vacuum.
3. I believed and felt that I had been specially sent to bring this knowledge to this woman so she could now die in peace, giving her hope of a resurrection.

12

Fear and paranoia plague me again

by LostMyReligion in

jw
friends

i really like being here on this board.

i come to read it every day, and now i have the pleasure of reading others responses to my posts and commenting on theirs.

but, i am beginning to feel a resurrgence on that fear and paranoia that kept me from speaking up before.. after posting my notes on the convention, i began to feel a little guilty for ridiculing them when i know my son belives (as a result of my teaching) so strongly, and when i know so many good sincere friends at the kh who also believe so.

Victor_E

Hi LMR,
You wrote
____________________________________________________________________
But, I am beginning to feel a resurrgence on that fear and paranoia that kept me from speaking up before.
after posting my notes on the convention, I began to feel a little guilty for ridiculing them when I know my son belives (as a result of my teaching) so strongly, and when I know so many good sincere friends at the KH who also believe so.
______________________________________________________________________
What you are feeling is a triple bind; "damn if you do damn if you don't" on 3 fronts. A part of you fears the consequences of you being discovered, another part of you wants to come out of the closet and expose the great damage done by the religion, and still another part feels a loyalty and honor towards your son. In a case like this you have to want what you don't want by you deciding what is the most important thing you want to happen. This may be situational hiearchy depending on the variables of the day situation, etc. In plain English you can not please yourself and others all the time.

______________________________________________________________________
My derisive comments are in no way directed at them, but I know they would be deeply wounded if they knew.
______________________________________________________________________

They would feel a betrayal on your part towards the religion you forced upon them that they have now made their own.
____________________________________________________________________
I was reading silentlambs post about the July 15,2001 WT article "Are you Truly Tolerent?" Then I went to the mailbox and there was the magazine. I read through it and there are other upsetting statements made Such as:
_____________________________________________________________________
This is all a play of words that have registered in your unconscious mind as I have now mark out certain emphasis.

"Are you quick to act when corrupting influences are making inroads among your close associates?
Registers as:
"YOU ARE QUICK TO ACT ON CORRUPTING INFLUENCES!
This is an embeded command and this is how you neutraize it.
1. According to whom am I supposed to do this?
2. What will happen if I do or don't?
3. What specific corrupting influence according to whom and how specifically am I supposed to act quick doing what specifically?

Prompt and firm action is sometimes required to stop the spread of serious sin."

Registers as:
FIRM ACTION IS REQUIRED TO STOP THE SPREAD OF SERIOUS SIN!
1. What specific firm action is required by whom?
2. What lets you know it's serious sin?
3. What will happen if I don't take any action to report any sin?

"Some aspect of a fellow believer's thinking or conduct may be somewhat out of harmony woth Jehovah's standards.

Registers as:
A FELLOW BELIEVER'S THINKING OR CONDUCT BE OUT OF HARMONY WITH JEHOVAH'S STANDARDS!

Though the deviation may not yet be so serious as to lead to rejection by God, it may give a warning signal indicating that some adjustment is required."
Registers as:
THE DEVIATION BE SERIOUS TO LEAD TO REJECTION BY GOD, SOME ADJUSTMENT IS REQUIRED!
1. What specific deviation is serious according to whom, to how specificaly lead to rejection by God.
2. What specific adjustment is required by whom?
3. What lets you know this?

__________________________________________________________________
These comments seem pointed at rooting out variant thinking more than the typical other sins.
___________________________________________________________________
These comments are carefully written to program fear,shame, and guilt, very typical diet of words of the Watchtower. This type of word diet leads to fuzy gummy thinking that leads to paranoia.
_____________________________________________________________________
Maybe being immersed in the indoctrinating atmosphere of the conv. all weekend has made this come up in me.
____________________________________________________________________

Yes, until you learn to filter embeded commands and post hypnotic sugestions your mind will continue to be assulted by the JWs.
___________________________________________________________________
But I suddenly have a great fear of being called to meet with a comittee who will hand me a printout of all my online conversations as damning evidence.

I read about IP addresses and other ways to identify people. I do not know much about these things. How hard is it to be traced. I signed up here from a hotmail account which contains no personal info., but from things I say online one could correctly infer a lot. I unlocked my mailbox yesterday, and got a message from a reader who asked if I wanted to put my story on his site. This is scary. How much danger is there really? Probably I am just being paranoid, and no one really cares who I am , but has anyone else had any experience with losing their anonimity?
____________________________________________________________________
In this I am no expert, and I will leave this part of those here that are. Just take whatever precautions you need to, to protect your anonimity. Reminds of when I was reading apostate's books right in front of my JW former wife, I changed out the covers and she thought I was reading my regular psychology books, the things we do to protect ourselves in our own homes.

8

Cult of Apostates

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

the cult of jw apostates is a worldwide phenomenon that keeps growing.

unlike their counterparts it takes very little to recruit new members.

while the jws spend thousands of hours in making a new convert it only takes a moment to get someone to open their eyes and wake up from the social hypnosis the jws induced upon them.. there is no legal vow an apostate needs to take.

Victor_E

Hi Philo, and all,
Thanks for your kind words, if you like my style of writing I have much to say, so stayed tuned.

Victor

8

Cult of Apostates

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

the cult of jw apostates is a worldwide phenomenon that keeps growing.

unlike their counterparts it takes very little to recruit new members.

while the jws spend thousands of hours in making a new convert it only takes a moment to get someone to open their eyes and wake up from the social hypnosis the jws induced upon them.. there is no legal vow an apostate needs to take.

Victor_E

The cult of JW apostates is a worldwide phenomenon that keeps growing. Unlike their counterparts it takes very little to recruit new members. While the JWs spend thousands of hours in making a new convert it only takes a moment to get someone to open their eyes and wake up from the social hypnosis the JWs induced upon them.

There is no legal vow an apostate needs to take. In fact nothing is required to join, and many apostates have infiltrated the ranks of JWs to the very top. This of course makes the JW leadership paranoid and puts them back into the McCarthy era. By some estimates apostates outnumber JWs, the problem in verifying the facts is that apostates are not required to turn in time cards.

Like their JW counterparts apostates have their motivation and agenda to congregate.
They join to do among other things the following:
1. Acknowledge each other’s experience and witness the atrocities many suffered at the hands of their “brothers”
2. Give an encouraging word or two at times to those that are depressed and in pain of leaving or being dfed
3. Poke fun at themselves and their counterparts for all the silly things they did
4. Vent their anger and rage at apostates wannabees and each other from time to time
5. Share common past experiences
6. Keep track of former friends and acquaintances
7. Help each other out by sharing their quest to find spirituality devoid of dogma
8. Keep up with current events related to their counterparts
9. Aid in exposing to the rest of society the secrets of loss of life, sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse behind the walls of the Watchtower
10. Debate with apostates wannabees
11. Educate each other on the doctrinal flaws of current and past theology
12. Find fans for their newfound writing talent
13. Find a support group that is for the most part non judgmental and a good yardstick for individual progress
14. You can join this club but you can never leave, some leave for years but they always come back even just to lurk

All in all apostates are some of the best people anyone could meet. They are genuine in their love and compassion for each other and mankind. Their past experience as JWs is not in vain, they congregate like veterans of wars to chat about their battles and scars they wear proudly.
“Great spirits have always been violently opposed by mediocre minds.” A Einstein
Victor Escalante

Bill W vs Rutherford

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

i dedicate this post to all you courageous souls who have fought and continue to fight for principles worth living and dieing for.

the watchtower is the world's largest publisher of plagiarized religious doctrine.

it is made up of an army of more than 5 million unpaid booksellers.

Victor_E

I dedicate this post to all you courageous souls who have fought and continue to fight for principles worth living and dieing for.

The Watchtower is the world's largest publisher of plagiarized religious doctrine. It is made up of an army of more than 5 million unpaid booksellers. The current leadership is just a group of administrators that will rationalize any decision that favors it's financial interests and power, regardless of the adverse consequences to the rank and file conscripts. It's world headquarters sit on some of New York City's most expensive real estate and its holdings worldwide are vast but secret. It is immune from prosecution and judgment proof due to two factors:
1. It hides behind a cloak of being a religion
2. Having a large corporate legal department with vast resources that it will marshal against any insurrection that may arise internally or externally.
The founder CT Russell was an eccentric WASP who in my opinion started out with a sincere search for a logical explanation of God and his purpose for mankind. Russell's logic in time led to him becoming pathological with his mystical theories. Russell as history shows plagiarized the ideas of other contemporary renegades against the established religions. Russell a self proclaimed pastor but first and foremost a businessman used his financial expertise to set up his brand of religion as a corporate holding company. In the early stages he financed his "spiritual enterprise" and as it grew it began to be self-supportive. Once he saw that there was a market out there for his message via literature sales he recruited more and more full time salespeople. All these recruits were sworn to a vow of poverty and allegiance to him due to the fact that they had been deceived buying into the idea that they were serving God.
The next leader was a very angry alcoholic lawyer who hated the Catholic Church, women and anyone who questioned his "divine" opinions. Under Rutherford's rule any attack or criticism on his representatives was the same as against him and God. Not unlike Bill W. the founder of AA he had grandiose ideas however JF Rutherford believed quite the opposite paradigm. Bill W. built his empire based on the following 12 principles:
1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. We humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
If we juxtapose the principles of Rutherford (written and unwritten) we can better understand where the roots of the current tyrannical Watchtower come from. Rutherford died a tired bitter and lonely old man paying out his karmic injustice.
Rutherford built the legal insulation and the marketing inertia needed by his successor NH Nohr to expand by training key corporate people (missionaries) and then exporting them to the ends of the world as watchdogs for his organization. Nohr was on a marketing mission to give new life to this tired fighting group of company salespeople. He permitted them to marry and to enjoy more secular comforts as fringe benefits for their unpaid labors. He softened the message and this became more palatable to the masses and the corporation grew.
Enter Fred Franz an egocentric self-proclaimed spiritual guru. He came up with all kinds of types and anti-type spiritual theories that the Watchtower leadership would like to erase from its history. He was a heartless taskmaster when it came to policy and procedures of the company, but he rationalized it as righteous stewardship. He had a governing body that had been imposed upon him that he now he used to carry out his agenda and viciously attack anyone who disagreed with the company's beliefs and or rules and procedures.
This gave way to the fifth Watchtower president who was just a puppet for the power brokers of the governing body and the service department. These scoundrels are nothing but a hodgepodge of all the previous leader’s beliefs. They are old and facing their own mortality as death beckons at their door. As the new leadership now takes the helm they sail into uncharted waters. All the holy wars waged on their enemies are gone and now they have turned on former members and their own employees. The internet makes them vulnerable for they can no longer hide behind a wall of secrecy. The more they pound their membership with tyranny the more they expose their true self. In the future their worst enemy is themselves.
Victor Escalante
"All men must die, few men really live" ............Brave heart

9

Ministers of Manipulation

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

i would like to share with all my experience i had yesterday in visiting a non-denominational church in juarez mexico yesterday, at the insistence of a colleague of mine who is a psychologist.

we got there fifteen minutes late and we walked into a building with some three thousand people.

on stage was a music group singing religious songs working the crowed into a state of emotionalism frenzy.

Victor_E

I would like to share with all my experience I had yesterday in visiting a “non-denominational” church in Juarez Mexico yesterday, at the insistence of a colleague of mine who is a psychologist.

We got there fifteen minutes late and we walked into a building with some three thousand people. On stage was a music group singing religious songs working the crowed into a state of emotionalism frenzy. I have to admit the group and singers were quite good. They had two large screens projecting the lyrics of the songs so the crowd could sing along. If you took away the religious words out of the songs this would be a concert. As I viewed the lyrics of the songs on the screens I started to detect the patterns of manipulation. These were mantras for these people of “not being worthy, giving all credit to God, self denial, being sinners, (which presupposes flaws), and the like.

I wondered what socio economic class this was; I assumed it was the blue-collar working class who needed this service to ameliorate their state of misery. As I looked around I saw by their dress and appearance all classes and ages of people. These were really into the singing many were having a catharsis of emotions even jumping on cue to the singers on stage. As I glanced out of the corner of my eye to my friend, I think she felt a little awkward with me being there and I think she held back from mirroring the rest.

This musical show lasted some forty-five minutes, by this time the crowd was in very receptive mood for what was to follow. As the musical group is singing a tune of bowing down to God as they are on their knees singing, an elderly Anglo man walks on stage and grabs the microphone. He starts to talk with the music faintly playing in the background. The content of his speech is just parroting what the singers were singing.

He then proceeds to work the crowd into a frenzy of how Juarez/El Paso is in need of “hunger for God”. They all chant in harmony not realizing how they are auto programming themselves to follow through on this man’s orders. He tells them they need to go and carry the gospel to all the schools, neighborhoods, families, etc. As he is speaking with very hypnotic intonation a person from the crowd goes on stage followed behind by an usher. The preacher touches his forehead and the man falls back into the arms of the usher. This scene is repeated about four more times. He then says the spirit has told him many in the audience have knee problems and he is going to perform a miracle for them so he tells all that need a healing of the knees to come in front of the stage.

Out from the crowd comes about fifty people and they all gather in front. It is clear this man is in a state of total self-empowerment. With the music glaring in the background and him now yelling out mantras of miracles happening here and now, he steps down to the crowd extorting the ushers to come forward to help him. He now proceeds to touch one and all and they all one by one fall into the arms of the ushers as they lay them down.

As some regain their composure he asks a select few to give their testimony. So he puts the microphone in their face and they all tell of how their pain is gone and how they felt the spirit come into their bodies. The crow is in awe of this man and the instant miracle.
He then continues with his sales pitch of healing all Juarez. He says he is now going to pray to make it happen and goes off into “speaking in tongues” the crowd joins in. Once he is done he invited his wife to come up. She is fluent in Spanish with a strong Anglo accent like her husband. She basically just goes on stage to remind the crowd to sell all the tickets to the up coming dinner to hear the visiting Anglo minister and his wife.

Next comes on stage a slick Mexican speaker. He now lays a strong sales pitch for the crowd to honor God with their actions and not just words. As you may guess he wants money. The pitch lasts for some 15 minutes and then a well-organized group of people walks around passing out white envelopes followed by plastic donation boxes. He then proceeds to ask all the visitors to raise their hands because they have a special gift for them. I reluctantly raise mine probably not to disappoint my psychologist colleague.
They hand me a bright red adhesive tag that reads Visitor, and a tri-fold pamphlet. The preacher tells the audience to welcome us new comers so I get love bombed by all in my immediate surroundings. I have to bite my lips to keep from chuckling. I open it and read it, what I get is that this non-church is acting as a church. I wonder if this church is following the same strategy the Watchtower followed in Mexico in years past to avoid the government regulations. They also detail how they have groups that meet weekly in homes. This is a very well organized army of people.

I get up and go to the bathroom as I take my tag off, boy does this remind me of being in the hall as a JW needing a break and making myself think I need to urinate just to stave the boredom. By now there are at least five thousand people in the audience, to me it looked like being at a circuit assembly. There were the security guys, (whom I used to be one of) the ushers, the crowd in a trance agreeing with all that was coming from the stage, the people walking in the back, the lines for the bathrooms. I walked past a table full of books and videotapes for sale. They also had a book room full of books and other products for sale.

When I returned to my seat two adolescents walked on stage a boy and girl, these are admonished to relate their success in spreading the word. They tell of how God is blessing them and their ministry to adolescents who are lost and needing God in their lives to overcome masturbation, drugs, violence, and other wickedness. Next the preacher asks the youths to say a prayer in behalf of all youths in Juarez.

Next on the show is the son of the Anglo preacher. He speaks Spanish with great fluency and no accent. This guy is very slick; he is the best hypnotist of them all. He is the star of the show. He goes into the Old Testament and pulls out a character to use as a metaphor for his pitch. The essence of his pitch is let’s make the church grow by being like this Bible character and avoid being a sinner so God can bless you and us.

As the program of three hours ends my friend greets some of her brothers and sisters and we leave. On the way out she asks me how I felt, I tell her to ask a different question. I tell her to ask me what I observed. She does, and I tell her they used a lot of hypnosis, post hypnotic suggestions and anchoring (stimulus response triggers) to manipulate states. I don’t think this was what she was expecting me to answer. We have a lengthy discussion that only leads us to agree to disagree.

On the way home I am really angry. As I do an introspection I want to know what is it that has me so pissed. If these people are being helped and their lives are better for it what should I care? If my friend needs this to give her a purpose in life so what? If this Anglo family is milking these people of their finances in exchange for emotinal therapy, what should I care? If this were a perfect world, what would need to change for me visit there and not walk away so angry?

Conclusions:
1. This Anglo family is running a huge multi level business masquerading as a church.
2. Rather than preaching self-sustenance, self-empowerment, and self-love they are preaching codependency, guilt, shame and fear.
3. My friend is under mind control and she wants me to join her.
4. Three hours of my time being spent in flawed group hypnosis equals to three years of my time being wasted.
5. This short term improvement of life for these people turns into living in a time warp that does not allow them to grow and make necessary adjustment in life.

3

Heart and Mind Control

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

i want to thank all of you for your kind words again.

in my current work in texas of working with parolees and probationers i am humbled by their painful past.

here is another post i wrote some time back for you newcomers.. mind and heart control.

Victor_E

I want to thank all of you for your kind words again. In my current work in Texas of working with parolees and probationers I am humbled by their painful past. Here is another post I wrote some time back for you newcomers.

MIND AND HEART CONTROL
You can take the JW out of the Watchtower but for some it is nearly impossible to take the Watchtower out of the JW, why is that?

Einstein once said that the problems cannot be solved on the same level at which they were created, and herein lies the key. A person who was a JW was programmed on the mental plane. Over and over day in and day out the diet of beliefs kept the person on the mental plane, which in time lead to a disconnection of heart. In the early stages when there was dissonance between the mind and heart the person was kept in the mental plane by means of rationalization. This schism I experienced firsthand lead to holes in my integrity, I became a subtle liar to myself and to others. Since I dominated the mental plane this lead to arrogance that I could not escape from, it became my own prison.

In order to remove the destructive control over a person one must experience a freedom of mind but more importantly a freedom of heart. If you examine the strategies used by former JWs the majority focus on battling the mind plane. While this is very important, to show the flaws in the logic and all the lies and rewritten history of the Watchtower leadership, if people were to take a comprehensive approach to healing and reconnecting with the heart in my opinion this would compound the positive results of freeing yourself once and for all.

After leaving the movement some six years ago, recently I experienced a a major shift in my own spiritual evolution clearing some of the last vestiges of this ideal gone awry. In the book “Anatomy of the Spirit” the author has several models to explain the cause of disease and the reasons why people don’t heal. I concur with most of her explication and I would like to write about one model of growth as it relates to my own experience.

There are basically four stages of growth these are:
Revolution
Involution
Narcissism
Evolution

The first stage for me started when I could no longer think clearly and lacked any motivation whatsoever to do anything to better the quality of life for my wife and me.
I had simplified my life to living in a six hundred square foot apartment driving an old car and feeling the need to simplify more and go off and pioneer in a rural community to people who did not want to be preached to. When I saw the hypocrisy of elders who were preaching poverty and self sacrifice as a virtue while they were getting new cars, going on expensive vacations, buying new homes and the like I rationalized my envy as me being better than them by being more spiritual. I was lying to myself and I could not see the self-deception. Once I decided to go back to school to acquire specialized skills that was the start of the end. The revolution in time would grow and keep growing to helping myself and many other JWs. In hindsight what I was doing was reconnecting myself and my clients with their heart felt feelings.

In the next phase of involution I turned my attention inward carefully examining what I believed about others, the world and myself. What I found was very ugly and quickly started cleaning out beliefs that were not my own. In removing fear, shame, and guilt from my psyche I quickly entered into the next phase of narcissism. I felt good about myself and I felt a pride about pride. In my own personal experience I stayed in that phase for some five years and I would fluctuate between involution and an arrogant narcissism. This phase came to me a great price tag. I unconsciously sabotaged many opportunities to make very good money. Deep down I did not feel worthy due to my integrity being full of holes. I had made some serious compromises in my core essence and I paid the price.

If you are in any one of these phases, there is hope, stay the course.
“I just want to know God’s thoughts the rest is details” A Einstein
Victor Escalante

15

The Mexican Scandal

by Kent in

jw
friends

the mexican scandal is well known, but the documents are not.

take a look at http://watchtower.observer.org.

i have published scanned documents, letter from the branch office in mexico, from the watchtower, and from the society's representative in mexico.. this should wake up a few jehovah's witnesses, i guess.. kent

Victor_E

Hi Kent,
Long time no see, how are you you old viking warrior? I see you are still up to the same old battle plan, some things never change. Just for your info that cartilla you have on your site belongs to yours truly.
I obtained that cartilla legally, I was exempt from military service due to me being out of the country since age 10 when my family imigrated to the states. I had to get my cartilla when I needed to get my Mexican passport in order to travel.
The reason JWs needed to bribe government officials was that without the cartilla they could not get a passport to travel abroad, especially to JW assemblies in the states.
Keep up the good work my brother in arms
Victor Escalante

7

My Path

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

the wall that heals .

i took off for the weekend last month .

just to try & recall the whole year.

Victor_E

Thank you for your kind words. This morning I got a letter from a client who is awaing being sent away do do five years in the Texas Prison System. I don't know if I was crying for him me or both.

(clip)
Don't quit when the tide is the lowest,
for it will change direction
Don't quit when you have questions or in doubt
for you will find the answers so you won't cop out
Don't quit when your nights are darkest
for tomorrow will come
Don't quit when you can't reach for the stars
for you have yet to travel far
Dont quit for you are not a failure
unless you give up and fail to try.

In closing I hope to hear from you soon Mr. Escalante for you are an inspiration, no bullshit and you know what I mean.

7

My Path

by Victor_E in

jw
friends

the wall that heals .

i took off for the weekend last month .

just to try & recall the whole year.

Victor_E

The Wall That Heals

I took off for the weekend last month
just to try & recall the whole year
all of the faces & all of the places
just wonderin where it all disappeared

I took off this am to see THE TRAVELING VIETNAM VETERANS MEMORIAL.
A half scale replica of the wall in Wash DC engraved with 58, 202 names of men and women all casualties of Viet Nam. Something was calling to me yesterday to go observe and photograph the catharsis of painful emotions of all those directly affected by the loss of loved ones. The wall is on a journey across America with the stated purpose of their brochure.

" Speaking, of the loss of men and women, --- our parents, children, neighbors, and friends. The VVM has helped veterans from WWI to Desert Storm find healing and a powerful connection with the common military experience. Non veterans, from school children to parents and grandparents, find in the Wall a deeper appreciation for their sacrifice, service, and courage, and draw from the experience lessons for today's life and life in the future."

The Wall That Heals offers another powerful gift to the nation: and opportunity for the souls enshrined on the Memorial to journey back to the places they called home, to exist among friends and family once more not in the monumental city, but in the comfort and place of familiar surroundings."

As I loaded my Minolta with film and mounted the 600mm mirror lens I caught through my peripheral vision a couple that was sitting in a park bench somber and introspective. I positioned myself and started shooting, first was an older Mexican couple accompanied by a vet that was assisting them find a name, probably their son. Next I saw an old man that was all alone crying as he ran his fingers over a name, I suspect his son. Then came a long haired vet dressed in his soldier greens, I zoomed in to catch his facial expression and I saw was a stoic nonemotional expression, I thought to myself he was probably a sarge or a captain. If only I could hear what these people are thinking or feeling, what stories they would tell.

It's these changes in latitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
with all of my running & all of my cunning
If I wasn't crazy I would go insane

As I continued to observe now through my wide angle lens, I saw all the diversity of people that was now becoming a larger crowd. My mosaic mind now took off into a different latitude, I wondered of all the casualties of the Watchtower. First I saw my lovely wife she is a prisoner of the Watchtower (POW) by her own choosing. I wish I could make a WALL THAT HEALS to take to every town and village around the world for former JWs to be instantly healed from the pain and suffering from all the atrocities they experienced as casualties of the Watchtower.

If it suddenly ended tomorrow
I could somehow adjust to the fall
Good times & riches and son of a bitches
I've seen more than I can recall

I now went up close to the wall, there were flowers, a full bottle of vodka, pictures, and letters all lying at the foot of the wall. One little old lady asked me if I could help her find a name, I asked her if it was her son, she responded that it was a friend of hers. Hmmmmm I wondered ..... if only these engraved names could speak the stories they would tell.

Many I'm sure would say that God damned McNamara and Johnson sent us to our death. I wonder what casualties of the Watchtower would say?

Oh but yesterdays are over my shoulder
So I can't look back for too long
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me
And I don't think that I can go wrong

How true, for many of these people this is the last sentence to finish a chapter in their lives. As I look back at this year it also represents a closed chapter in my life. Back in January I would have never expected to be here physically and metaphorically. This is the second most painful year of my life, but yesterdays are over my shoulder. I can look back at the painful experiences as falls I took learning to ride the bicycle of life. I know it happened but there is no pain in the memory. God if feels so good to be a freeman from the slavery of an ideal gone bad!!! ......... I think about all the others that have not progressed beyond the storyline of being Watchtower victims.

About this time the lady that I saw when I got here approaches me and asks me if I am a freelance photographer. I respond in the affirmative. She tells me her husband is a vet that is still suffering from the aftermath of his experience. I can see his physiology saying " I am deeply hurt but I just want to be left alone,............... no one can understand". I wish I could just reach out to him and tell him that there is hope for him and that he can reconstruct his life so he can have a higher quality of life.

With these changes in latitudes
Changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same
with all of our running & all of our cunning
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane

How true, life is crazy if you try to make rational sense out of it. I think back to how simple life used to be for me being a JW, I had all these rapid fire answers to any question. I loved to flex my spiritual muscle with people at the doors, what an idiot I must have appeared to the householders. If my friends could see me now what would they say. I think they would say I had lost my mind. Thank God I did lose my mind that was a POW and now I can think freely and speak freely without fear of being reprimanded by the spiritual MP.
Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brother in arms

I start to put away my cameras and lenses. I take one final look at all these people that came together one Sunday morning to remember their loved ones, and to experience the Wall that Heals.

Victor Escalante

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."
William James

May 26, 2001

Letter from the Victor of 2001 to the Victor of 1985

Victor I have traveled into the year 2001 and I have returned to tell you what awaits you. You are about to journey on a path that will test all your beliefs, many will be destroyed and this will cause great turmoil and pain but you will survive and be a stronger and better person for it. You will learn many things firsthand, there is no better preparation and your experience will help you in helping many others in your future.

Right now just leaving the Watchtower you feel confident and optimistic, this is the calm before the storm. You will have to sell off all your material possessions due to economic hardship inflicted by JWs, these you will be able to repurchase in time. This is actually good for you because all JW associations you have to these will be gone. You will come so close to losing your house that on the day prior to it being auctioned on the courthouse steps you will raise the money to avoid it. Your former elder brother in law will offer to give you one thousand dollars for equity of twenty thousand dollars. He even believes that he is doing you a great favor by helping you to retain a good credit rating.

You will have to put one of your dogs to sleep because you cannot afford his medical treatment and you will have to give the other one away when you move to another city.
They both feel your pain and feelings of impotence but they are your teachers of how not to dwell too much on the past. One goes to dog heaven the other is cared by people who appreciate him; they are both in a better place.

Your former wife will have many regrets for how she betrayed you with the elders. This is her karmic path she has chosen and her trials and tribulations are also part of the divine plan. Your prayers to be happy are being answered at this time just not in the way you expected them to. You will follow your bliss and inspire others to do the same. The elders you despise now are Gods helpers in sending you on your path, bless them and thank them. One will drop of a heart attack in about a year; he pays with his life for his decisions he makes. The other two don’t fare too well either, and one of the 3 cos who df you in your judicial meeting himself will be dfed for adultery.

Things are not what they appear to you, this is all an illusion you constructed. Losing this illusion will lead to great disillusioning accept it as a lesson.

You will lose your integrity and do things that you regret; this is part of you redefining who you are and who you are not. In time you will be able to use this experience to also help others who struggle with holes in their integrity.

All the necessary teachers and guides await you, all you have to do is seek them. In some of your darkest nights of despair and despondency they will seek you. God has not forsaken you and he has not dfed you.

You cannot do anything to change your destiny; this is set in place by the decisions you made in years past. Go forward.

"All men must die, few men really live" ............Brave heart

Victor_E

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