(((Stinky))) You sound like a lovely young lady. I am sorry to hear that your mother is causing you to be in so much pain. I am a mother, my daughter wanted nothing to do with me for nearly ten years, in the last two years things have gotten much better, she now communicates with me. I love her with all my heart. You sweet darling deserve no less.
I agree with Ashling and Carmel, you are going be stronger for this, for you must be strong. It is good for you to be able to get it out and let others know what you are dealing with.
Suggestion, try reading " Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes you may or may not like the style of the author. It is basically about a womans psyche, with a lot of symoblisms. The reason I mention this book is because there is a chapter about the woman or girl that must raise herself, and how she must rely on her own spirit to guidance, and for this reason she becomes a more deeply loving woman.
Much love to you. Hang in there honey, you are going to make it. You`ve got everyone here behind you.
witchywoman