Thoughtful thread. Good to see you made it through. I wish I had the moment of clarity. I needed a pick ax coming down on granite to slowly chip away the defenses.
Here's a chip towards the beginning: I was in a car accident in fast stop and go heavy traffic on the skyline in SF trying to get myself and three toddler/infants to the assembly. My daughter was not seriously hurt but needed to go to the ER for stitches and further evaluation. When my childrens grandparents called later that day,(this was before cell phones) they were angry. I was scolded because they were inconvenienced waiting at the gate for my arrival and for us missing the programs, this after I told them we had been in an accident. I let myself get talked out of going directly home and not coming back.
Other chips of the same type or that of double standards, double lives, double Watchtower speak, and more pressure resulted in my turning away from most JW activity years ago.
The change to nonbeliever was recent. The final chip was pathetic but liberating. I had just read several articles/exerpts on mind control, one of which was in Hassans techniques used section. It was time to act. At 45 yo, I went to bed each night repeating to myself like a frightened child wishing away monsters in the closet. "I will not go insane. I will not become possessed".
Guess what? It worked.
The fear is gone.
The light is on.
The door is open.
Thanks for this chance to vent and use of board space.