I would have to say that guilt and being made to feel self hatred was the biggest reason I left the borg. I was SO tired of feeling like the scum of the earth when I was trying my hardest. they just wore me out. Your bad your bad your bad, its in every magazine, talk and attitude, your never good enough. I took it very personally to the point of hurting myself repeatedly. After the authoritys started questioning my trips to the ER, I had to finally ask myself, Am I really that bad? I still struggle with this daily. I hate the organization for this.
yumbby
JoinedPosts by yumbby
-
18
Witness Self Hatred
by metatron ini do wonder if the average witless has been beat down with so much.
propaganda that they hate themselves.
willing to blame themselves for anything - and react fanatically.
-
-
-
34
How Many DF'ing Offences Have You Committed?
by Englishman ini must confess that her ladyship and i lived together for 6 months before we got married, so that must be, er...say 200?.
then we used to spend 3 nights a week gambling in tiberiuss casino, even after we got married, so.....umm, say another 250?.
i must have eaten black pudding, say, 100 times?.
-
-
yumbby
As many as I possibly can without seriously hurting myself. :) Its been a wild 6 months.
-
14
Those Whom the Gods Would Destroy
by metatron inan old greek proverb.
"those whom the gods would destroy.
they first make mad".
-
-
yumbby
Hi Dakota, I was really moved by your post, and can only hope that you can find peace and maybe they will soon leave you alone. Its hard to respect witnesses who preach peace and love, but in their own households torture one another.
-
6
Load of crap
by yumbby inin reading previous posts, i had to notice how many of the threads deal with people in the organization who have had serious problems and instead of getting help from the elders, they are driven away sometimes into suicide or a life of severe depression.
it reminds me of my sister.
when i was being reproved for leaving home, i was trying to make the point of why i had to leave the way i did and i related that 2 months earlier my sister had ran away because of a beating my mother had given her, and my sister thought my mother was going to kill her.
-
-
yumbby
In reading previous posts, I had to notice how many of the threads deal with people in the organization who have had serious problems and instead of getting help from the elders, they are driven away sometimes into suicide or a life of severe depression. It reminds me of my sister. When I was being reproved for leaving home, I was trying to make the point of why I had to leave the way I did and I related that 2 months earlier my sister had ran away because of a beating my mother had given her, and my sister thought my mother was going to kill her. My mom chopped all of my sisters hair off with sewing shears and beat and kicked her into a corner for making my mothers oatmeal to mushy. My sister ran out of the door and sought shelter with complete strangers from a fast food restaurant across the street for three days. When I told the elders this story, the only question they had was, "Did your sister commit any sins while she was gone for the three days"? Not: "How is she?" or "Why does your mother beat you" or anything helpful, but they tried their best to find something wrong in my sisters behavior. I couldn't believe it. I was told to go back to the househould or risk being disfellowshipped. We'll, I choose the sinful course and stayed gone. I never regret my decision, but my little sister is still in that terrible situation with no help. Yay you hypocritacil elders who drive people to a lifetime of problems or worse suicide. Where are these so called shepards? By the way, my bitterness isn't only about this one incident but many more also. I hope they are bloodguilty for all the times they have hurt people.
-
25
Should gays be allowed to adopt?
by Kenneson ini watched an interesting program last night (i believe on primetime), wherein diane sawyers interviewed rosie o'donnell.. the topic centered on gays and adoption.
rosie recently came out of the closet in order to extend her support to florida gays who are prohibited by law to adopt.
rosie, herself, has three children.. some of these gays, by the way, are foster parents.
-
-
yumbby
I just know that as an adopted kid, I cried when I watched rosie like that, I would have loved to have her as a parent, by the nice sweet things she said then my horrible hetero parents. It would have been a lot better for me. I have gay friends who have children, and everything is great for the kids, but it is a hard life for a gay person and who would wish anything to be hard on their kids? Not me. Its just easier being hetero, however I would support my kids totally if they were gay.
-
10
spritual hunger
by LyinEyes inhave any of you who were raised jw, after d/f or d/a , been to other churches?
and if so , did you convert ?
were you afraid to go to another organized religion?
-
-
yumbby
The witnesses totally ruined me on religon. I feel it is the biggest problem with the world today. organized religion. the cause of almost all pain. I can't even look at a bible anymore.
Get your head out of your butt.
-
12
newbie
by yumbby injust wanted to say hi, i love this forum, a little tired of the recovery forums, i am recovered and am doing everything that i never could, to excess and loving every minute of it.
anybody have any ideas of what badness i can try next, i'm all ears.. .
get your head out of your butt.
-
-
yumbby
Thanks everybody for your great welcome, it is very hard to bear the shunning of family and long time friends, I think it is a wound that never really goes away, my answer? move away. I moved far away, where I don't have to look around every corner. I think these boards are important for our sanity because it seems once you are a witness, you have a unique view of things for the rest of your life. kinda skewed.
do any of you still have problems with thinking of yourself as you and them? like your still a witness and everyone else is worldly? the other day it just hit me, I'm worldly! I don't feel any different, I dont' want a classification, how do you find a way of looking at the world without the witness shield over it???Get your head out of your butt.
-
22
Be Wise My Son and Make My Heart Rejoice!
by Perry inin a previous thread about smoking, amazing said:.
quote:.
jesus said that what comes out of a person is what defiles them, not what goes into them.. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
-
-
yumbby
I have to say that even now I have uneasy doubts about whether I'm doing the right thing, and no amount of reseach made me feel better, however with this excellent writing, I suddenly realized how moronic and laughable it all was! Anytime I feel a little worried, I'll just read this thread.
Get your head out of your butt.
-
12
newbie
by yumbby injust wanted to say hi, i love this forum, a little tired of the recovery forums, i am recovered and am doing everything that i never could, to excess and loving every minute of it.
anybody have any ideas of what badness i can try next, i'm all ears.. .
get your head out of your butt.
-
-
yumbby
Thanks everybody, yea, whos plNT anyway? The only thing remotely like that, I belong to is gothicplanet.com but that can't be the same thing. I grew up in a "witness" household with a psychotic, narcissistic, masochist (sp?) mother and an apathetic dad. We were the perfect witness family along with regular beatings and cult practices, anyway, I escaped with a "worldly" man and have spent the last three years just figuring out shit. I'm trying everything I never could and loving it. Guess what? The witnesses are right, once you leave you start doing all kind of stuff, like LIVING! Looking forward to getting to know you guys.
Get your head out of your butt.
-
12
newbie
by yumbby injust wanted to say hi, i love this forum, a little tired of the recovery forums, i am recovered and am doing everything that i never could, to excess and loving every minute of it.
anybody have any ideas of what badness i can try next, i'm all ears.. .
get your head out of your butt.
-
-
yumbby
Just wanted to say hi, I love this forum, a little tired of the recovery forums, I am recovered and am doing everything that I never could, TO EXCESS and loving every minute of it. Anybody have any ideas of what badness I can try next, I'm all ears.
Get your head out of your butt.