(sorry hit enter a little early).
so, i looked at my cell phone today, and i had a voicemail from my mother.. i called my voicemail and listened to it:.
"hi richie, this is your mother, just wanted to say i hope you're doing ok, and i love you.
likes outlaws advice...the emotional blackmail can become very very difficult...my mom used to throw the "prodigal son" crap out all the time and preface it with "we miss you and love you...if only..." but everyone needs to make their own choices...
"if it feels wrong it probably is..."
-Z-
just curious.
i work between 50-to 65 hours a week, sometimes 70. in fact i don't of anyone in the company i work for that works less then 48. does anyone here work a "normal" 40 hour week?
does it even exist anymore?.
wow..damn some hard freakin workers here...i hate to say this too..i have to work 29 hours a week at my primary job and I pick and choose other small freelance stuff depending on my schedule as "dad"...but usually 24-29 hours a week is good for me...
-Z-
88% ...hmmm knew those meetings would pay off somewhere...
-Z-
since i have a rather morbid sense of humor, and none of us is going to see armageddon................................ what would you like to be written on your tombstone?
i'll start.. "buried face down...........and you know the rest".
"his last word were..............boy, i'm getting hot!".
"here lies zanex...poor bastard...he never knew, but damn did he ever live life"
or..
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!" oh yah here lies Zanex..the guy who lived the words
my bf has had to go to belfast today for work.
he doesn't work away too often, this is only the 3rd time this year, and one of the times i went with him, but this time i have to stay home.
i took him to the airport this morning, hugged him as he went to board his flight, and i've been ok all day, until he rang me about an hour ago.
i know the feeling..i have to work 3 hours away from my sig other...(sigh) the hotel just doesnt quite cut it for me..least not when i have to sleep in it alone...4 nites this week alone...arg!
-Z-
i've been on plenty of jcs but i never was the target of the elders, judicially.....although i would be now.
3 times before a jc as an active comabtant and then i finally gave up...there didnt seem to be much reason to continue fighting with them...i just let them df me the last time...i was 17 and it was my third time fighting those bastards....i didnt even TRY to show any hint of anything even resembling a "repentant attitude" didnt care at that point...good times...(thinks back to that last nite, dang that post jc cigarette tasted good) lol...
-Z-
it's the day that i am getting married!
i've waited 42 long years for this day and it's been well worth the wait!
although we cannot afford a big honeymoon, but we've been lucky to get 2 free nights at a local hotel, compliments by her cousin.
congrats! sounds like life is better for u now than last time i saw yer name on the board here.
-Z-
.
do you have a favourite song your listening to right now?.
usually, i admit i am a rap/hip hop fan but the song reflecting my mood today is 'the sound of silence - simon and garfunkel'.
"where'd u go" by fort minor dueting with some lady..i forget her name...
"make me bad" by korn...
-Z-
i think some people actually use part of their real name.
i chose mine because i really feel 'in between', in that space where your not a jw anymore but really haven't figured out where you are in life and what path you want to take.
just thought it would be an interesting topic.
well it was listed on the bottle initally but when the bottle ran dry i changed it a bit to reflect the personality left post-medication...from xanax to zanex...funny that i seem to be a lot more put together OFF medication than i was when i was ON medication...maybe the zanex works better than the xanax...a psychological cure for a psychological problem...lol...
and my parents have been very painfully been intruding into my life from a very jw angle lately and it doesnt help that i work with a buttload of other jws that happen to know my parents and see them fairly regularly...nevermind that they dont bother to tell me that they are coming into town but they tell a whole lot of jws who i happen to work with...i happen to be in a fairly heavily jw emplyd field...language translation.
anyway...make a long story short i sat down in front of my laptop after an excruciating evening of work and this came out of my fingers....i felt like the only place it cud be understood is here..... living in the past.
mind wallowing in self defeat.
thanx spaz, havent seen ya in a while! Glad yer shtill around kickin..im doing better than the poem lets on...
stealth: wow..its good to hear that my meager collection of words can have some kind of impact somewhere...maybe the next generation doesnt have to have the pain and anger that some of us had to go through...and check yer pm's, i got back to ya
arwen: thanx...every little bit helps.
