Posts by Gig

28

A Decision Has Been Made

by Sentinel in

jw
friends

the decision does not come directly from me.

it comes from being married and having to do things sometimes that keep peace and harmony flowing.. it is time for me say goodbye to all of you here.

first let me thank all of you that have connected with me.

Gig

I believe I know exactly how you feel. Peace be with you.

17

here's a list of books that i have read with the hopes of getting my best freind out of the jw's.. 1. crisis of conscience ( she has it, don't know if she'll read it).. 2. in search of christian freedom.. 3. combatting mind control.. 4. releasing the bonds- empowering people to think for themselves.. 5. rescueing your loved one from the watchtower.

(david reed).

6. answering jw's subject by subject.. 7.awakening of a jw (diane wilson).

Gig

Having not read all of the books you listed, I'll not add or subtract. I would however be interested in your comments regarding those you listed. Which seemed to be most helpful and why?

3

Anybody?

by Gig in

jw
friends

.

any of you out there live in washington state...specifically the olympia/centralia area?.

how about alabama...specifically the florence/shoals area?

Gig

It looks like I'm going to make this a hot topic all by myself! One last note, you can contact me privately by e-mail if you choose.

3

Anybody?

by Gig in

jw
friends

.

any of you out there live in washington state...specifically the olympia/centralia area?.

how about alabama...specifically the florence/shoals area?

Gig

Sorry, I'm sure I should tell why I ask...I'm currently visiting family in Alabama and would enjoy meeting any of you who are near.

I have a witness friend in Washington that I thought might be helped by a "chance" encounter.

3

Anybody?

by Gig in

jw
friends

.

any of you out there live in washington state...specifically the olympia/centralia area?.

how about alabama...specifically the florence/shoals area?

Gig

Any of you out there live in Washington State...specifically the Olympia/Centralia area?

How about Alabama...specifically the Florence/Shoals area?

4

Arguing like a Witness...

by Abaddon in

jw
friends

as jw's, we (speaking for xjw's) were defined by our rightness.

we were right, and therefore good.

the world was wrong, and therefore it was bad.. this classic black/white thinking was held in place by all sorts of methods people in high-control groups are 'taught' to deal with inconvenient things like facts that don't fit their world view.. now as xjw's, we redefine the paradigms by which we live our lives.

Gig

I consider it a natural thing for people, anyone in fact, to "need" to know they're right somehow. Black/white thinking is the preferred method because it's so simple, it's a yes or no question. So given that we all are weak and stupid somewhere in our lives, yes...I think we hold onto the black/white mindset. Insecure people over-use it, but it's just as un-natural (unhealty) to question yourself each and every time. To slip into auto-rejection mode when it doesn't neatly fit is a common if not daily practice. The ones who use it only where appropriate are the ones who are called balanced, well adjusted, mature, or any number of other (appealing) descriptions.

LOL at your "walking into a propellor" comment...wins, but on it's own terms. Thanks for the thought and the laugh. I could use your help if you've got the time...skip down to "IT'S WORKING..SHE'S LISTENING" Please don't consider this a pop up ad!

10

It's working...she's listening...what NOW?

by Gig in

jw
friends

just the other day my jw friend, whom i love very much, called me out of the blue after having broken contact yet again a couple of months ago.

this exhausting cycle i'm determined to break.

she has never been able to reconcile the advice she gets from her elders and the sense i make.

Gig

Mulan, tidbits...gotcha. THANK YOU Your comparo was helpful...She's basically saying the same thing..."I have to know what you know"

"Don't throw up all over them" LOL

10

It's working...she's listening...what NOW?

by Gig in

jw
friends

just the other day my jw friend, whom i love very much, called me out of the blue after having broken contact yet again a couple of months ago.

this exhausting cycle i'm determined to break.

she has never been able to reconcile the advice she gets from her elders and the sense i make.

Gig

LovesDubs, she was baptised just before I met her. The WT is the only "religious teaching" she's ever had. I knew basically nothing about JW/WTS then but have researched it, meantime our relationship has continued. None of her family are JW's. She does rely heavily on the social environment, but I know she could let it go. She's wanted to come to me where I currently am, so I know she would do it even if she doesn't fully understand. She would just shift her reliance onto me.

10

It's working...she's listening...what NOW?

by Gig in

jw
friends

just the other day my jw friend, whom i love very much, called me out of the blue after having broken contact yet again a couple of months ago.

this exhausting cycle i'm determined to break.

she has never been able to reconcile the advice she gets from her elders and the sense i make.

Gig

Just the other day my JW friend, whom I love very much, called me out of the blue after having broken contact yet again a couple of months ago. This exhausting cycle I'm determined to break. She has never been able to reconcile the advice she gets from her elders and the sense I make. Her inclination is naturally to go along with the elders when she can't understand, much safer to her, all of them against me...how could I possibly be right even when she thinks so too.

Anyway, she has agreed with me that this time has to be different...neither of us wants to "go through the same thing again", and it's not a selfish thing. She went so far as to say she gets the feeling that I might know even before the WTS what is wrong and need changing. (WOW) She respects my dedication and ability to study, but then I talk about being led by the Spirit, my comforter and counselor, and she obviously doesn't understand (how could electricity feel good?) She only knows to ask the elders and they tell her that basically I suck and can't be trusted...don't hear, see, or speak to me. These elders know me and I've never attacked any of them, it's always been questions with no insistence that I'm sure I'm right. But because I don't immediately accept it as they do and because I ask a different question than the WT mag does or answer however thoughfully outside the box, I'm no good...for Jah or her. Plainly, I'm not a witness and therefore unacceptable. How much easier can they make it? It's Jah's ~~dates~~ answer, not ours.

So our conversations were going really well, lots of care, concern, and love, complete with emotions. And by design not much witnesses verses the world talk. Then last night she goes to her meeting and this morning I can tell the difference. I didn't even have to ask if she talked to any of them about me...knowing she did and knowing what they must've said. I hate to see her this way, doubting herself and so worried about going against Jah's arrangement. I've explained that we're all motivated by either love or fear, and that it has to be love where we're concerned. So I am trying to figure out a decidedly different response, a new and entirely appropriate behavior. The strategy is to maintain how much I love her and enforce the fact that I'm not doing anything wrong...(I don't like deceit and neither should she, why am I the bad guy for just mentioning it?...how else are we to learn to avoid the same mistakes again?) I have offered to go through it step by step, allowing her the opportunity to ask every question and set the pace...and my answers will be based on WT quotes or scripture...and she has agreed. I told her it's the only way to eliminate the conflict in her mind. I don't really have a problem if we disagree, but it is unacceptable that we don't understand one another. Until we are certain that we understand, then we aren't able to disagree. She understands and agrees. I added that I'm almost positive that when it gets right down to it, we won't disagree, and that's pretty encouraging to her. I told her I'd go to the meetings or read the WT articles so we can maintain common ground. I've often been considered a fault finder but I explained that it's just the way I tackle problems...I dive right into what I don't understand and deal with the problems so I can more quickly and thoroughly enjoy/appreciate the things I agree with.

She loves me and I love her, she knows as well as I do the cycle we've been caught in but that eventually we HAVE to deal with the misunderstandings. I'm trying to make sure I'm not mis-using her feelings for me, mainly because I'd want her to do the same. I really need your ideas...SHE WANTS TO LEARN and admits that she gets unreasonable in response to some of my questions or statements. It wasn't just words I put in her mouth that she shouldn't make big decisions based on emotion. She knows she is naturally an emotional person...she recognises the value and benefit of thinking before feeling rather than feelings dictating your thinking.

IT'S WORKING! SHE'S LISTENING! Please help me set my boundaries, even if just these temporary ones to get past what she was told (again) last night by her friends and elders. I have to somehow reward her for going against what she feels (and is being told) is the right thing to do...she's doing it but I know she is feeling irresponsible about it. I already suggested with the scripture to do just as I did when I met her two years ago...Test everything and hold onto what is good.

A little more perspective...she can now say matter of factly that she wants to marry me, and she is openly impatient for me to come back and see her. (I'm currently elsewhere on business) She has said before and even recently that she is so tempted to just give in and let me lead her. I know that doesn't mean we won't have to deal with her WT induced confusion, but certainly her exposure could be limited or at least filtered. I've taken my responsibility and admitted that to enforce one scripture I've violated others, even loosing patience and raising my voice.

I didn't mean for this to be so long, but we all know the value of more information. HELP!

2

Thank you Saddam

by Gig in

jw
friends

i've never heard even the first good thing about the leader of iraq but i've got to thank him.

his highly publicised idiocy helped me to talk to my jw friend.

i got the idea after i watched him try to turn his whole mess into a religious matter, a holy war, then when he accused the un of spying i figured it was worth a shot.

Gig

I've never heard even the first good thing about the leader of Iraq but I've got to thank him. His highly publicised idiocy helped me to talk to my JW friend. I got the idea after I watched him try to turn his whole mess into a religious matter, a holy war, then when he accused the UN of spying I figured it was worth a shot. I complained how he manipulated the people of Iraq with propaganda and deceit...I never mentioned the WTS but the parallels were no doubt recognized.

We have had conversations previous where I was able to describe methods of defense when guilt exists, burden of proof etc, so my friend made the connection...though I didn't pursue it further. I've learned to be satisfied with small steps.

YEA TEAM!