LHG, I definitely agree with you that there was a double standard for women vs. men about working. Quite a sexist religion right down to its core.
I also feel that each congregation has its own standards and culture. My congregation was not particularly pioneer oriented. There was exactly one younger pioneer ( of course female ) who worked part time as a waitress. And one very old pioneer who never met with the group and worked on her own for all of her 100 hours per month. Weird.
The rest were just not extraordinarily zealous, not that they didn't believe sincerely, but every single elder held a full time job and no one pressured young people to pioneer when they left school. Many young wives worked full time and there was no particular stigma. The stigma in that congregation was about having kids, not seen as smart to do so very close to the end. In other ways the congregation was very conservative, though, and not fun to grow up in.
And then there was one congregation over that had half the congregation pioneering it seemed. And more than a dozen elders. And, yet they were more liberal. People often moved there deliberately.
It's amazing how different the congregation cultures could be.
Also, I'm sorry you went through that. Chained to a religion yet marginalized.