Dude man up you were a one night stand and then she changed her mind. Get over it and learn from it. She was attracted to you because you didn't fawn all over her. Use this next time. Go out, use the money your making to make yourself look good and successful. Flirt a little with the girl you want then ignore her a bit. She'll respond and then have some fun don't take it to seriously and see how it goes. Keep doing this hopefully having sex all the while until you find the one. Then you'll be good enough to get her and keep her!
As for the elders , don't let them find out your smoking and just have a life and go on. If you have to go to a meeting one every six months to keep the peace do so.